Like clockwork, The Real Housewives of New Jersey taglines are already here. Every time a new set of taglines drop I always think they're the worst ones ever, however, these latest Jersey one-liners take the cake. They're not even bad, they're just boring, which is 1000x worse. Also, this recycled intro is tragic and the money they're wasting on Teresa's Italian reunion with Juicy Joe should definitely be saved for an updated set of tagline looks.
Let's break these taglines down below!
Margaret Josephs: "If you can’t take the truth, sue me"
Marge is my favorite Housewife on the franchise, however, who the fuck made her say this? The delivery is totally off and she can come up with a better off the cuff quip during an. Monkey's asshole anyone? Marge deserves a tagline as original as her pigtails because how many Housewives before her have said something about handling the truth in their tagline? I rest my case.
Jennifer Aydin: "As I always say, plastic makes perfect"
Who would've thought Jacqueline Laurita 2.0 would have my favorite tagline of the season? I get it, her husband is a plastic surgeon, her face is full of plastic and it's a play on words, but I'm still strugging to give a fuck about the Turkish Housewife. If this is the best tagline of the bunch, you know the rest are tragic.
Melissa Gorga: “Mirror mirror on the wall, I don’t think I look 40 at all"
Really Melissa, really? I've always sided with Melissa throughout the show's history, however, when your storyline is your age, you know you're in trouble. The JLo lookalike obviously doesn't look 40 but no Housewife looks their age, so it's really not an achievement.
Jackie Goldschneider: “Don’t let the minivan fool you. This mom won’t roll over for anyone"
Um. What does rolling over have to do with a minivan? Does anyone want to let me know? We get it, you have a million annoying little kids, it's not an accomplishment, it's a set back on these shows. Jackie has so many more strengths to lead with than the fact she pushed people out of her vagina.
Dolores Catania: “Behind ever strong man is a stronger Jersey girl"
Does Dolores just want to brag about having three men in her life? Her son, her ex-husband and her boyfriend? Dolores is a strong, independent, beautiful woman and it's time she finds something to talk about that doesn't involve the people with penises in her life.
Teresa Giudice: “If you rub me the wrong way, they’ll be no more namaste”
How many times have we heard the resident table thrower regurgitate the exact same tagline? In the words of Taylor Armstrong: ENOUGH. We get it, you're "namaste" for 2.3 seconds before you throw anything within in your direct line of vision. With a husband who's being deported, you'd think a shady producer could find her anything else to say. Clink, clink bitch.
Who's tagline is your favourite? Check out the video above and judge for yourself! Sound off in the comments!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres November 6th at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lonestar ladies..