After three seasons, The Real Housewives of Dallas have a revamped intro and it looks like a dumpster fire. I don't understand the random white at the top of the screen and it looks like they're Sims playing in the house before it gets burnt down. Also, who the fuck thought it was acceptable to put LeeAnne Locken on the end of the fucking pyramid and who signed off on those clipart stars? The disrespect...
Let's break these taglines down below!
LeeAnne Locken: "Dallas is a pageant that I always win”
The fact that LeeAnne got married this season and didn't have a sassy line about putting a ring on her infamous hands is so wrong. This tagline about pageants is more generic than FaceTune and any Housewife in any city could use the exact same sentence. #JusticeForLeeAnne.
Kameron Westcott: "Just because I look like Barbie, doesn’t mean you can play me”
Barbie just won. This is the perfect tagline for the Nicole Kidman doppelganger. She ticks all the boxes for a perfect tagline: narcissism, humor and a slightly threatening undertone. I already feel like this Kameron's season and this tagline perfectly sets the stage for it.
Kary Brittingham: “I’m bilingual but I don’t speak B.S”
Ugh, gag me with a dull butter knife. Nobody cares that this bitch can speak two languages and I'm already tired of her accent. As much as this tagline sucks, it is the shadiest thing ever for Bravo to replace Cary with a Kary.
Brandi Redmond: “When you mess with a ginger, expect one spice”
This tagline is cute and fun but also alludes to her being a massive cunt, which perfectly sums up Brandi. I love a play on words, especially when it includes a 90s popstar, so this definitely earns her some brownie points. Or orange points in this case.
D'Andra Simmons: “I’m minding my business, so start minding yours”
No. No. No. I am so fed up with D'Andra and this shitty excuse of a tagline doesn't help. Give me snark, give me shade, give me energy. Don't talk about minding your own business on a reality show because that is literally the opposite of your job description.
Stephanie Hollman: “I never carry a grudge, it won’t match my shoes”
This is further proof of why Stephanie is a national treasure. Apart from the fact she sounds like a seven-year-old learning to read when she's delivering the tagline, this is not only a perfect, shady quote but also life advice because there's no reason to stay mad at your bitchy frenemy if you're wearing Loubtions.
Who's tagline is your favourite? Check out the video above and judge for yourself! Sound off in the comments!
The Real Housewives of Dallas premieres September 4th at 9/10c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lonestar ladies..