RHOP Recap: Uterus Issues

June 11, 2019

Everyone is obsessed with Potomac in the wake of all the other Housewives franchises turning to shit but I couldn’t find a fuck to give during this episode. Not one. I gave so little fucks that Bethenny Frankel started to look like a conservative politician in the fuck giving department.


Ashley and Candiace are still arguing over a uterus. Cool. Fun stuff. I really don’t understand why everyone is blaming Candiace for being aggressive and extra when Ashley said she wasn’t going to drink but keeps drinking. That’s the end of the story and that’s what Candiace should’ve led with instead of talking about people drinking when they’re trying to get pregnant in general. 


Yes, Ashley had a miscarriage and nobody apart from Monique can understand the pain associated with that but if she wasn’t running around claiming to be sober out of one side of her mouth while the other side is sipping a Corona, there wouldn’t even be an issue here. Ashley is insufferable and she can’t be messy without having some mess brought back her way. My issue with this cast is that I just don’t care. Ashley and Gizelle suck, so as soon as they try to prove a point I’m annoyed by the fact that they are talking in general. Everyone knows Candiace is having a hard relationship with her mother right now, but that doesn’t mean that is the reason for everything she does in life. Am I speaking Chinese or does this make sense because it seems to be that everybody else on the cast isn’t seeing this side of things. 


For the ladies third day in NOLA, they all split off into groups and showed us all the different cultures New Orleans has on offer from visiting a VooDoo place, feeding alligators, having lunch with the mayor in a historic Black restaurant to running around with nipple tassels on. Within the duration to one New Orleans trip I’ve seen Katie’s itty bitty titties more times than I ever needed to, but something’s telling me this isn’t the last time we’ll have a visit from her bug bites. 


There’s definitely something going on with Katie Rost and I’m not sure if she’s mixing Xanax with white wine or if this is just her new normal but seeing her run around in a different universe with her undone wig on at all times and sleeping through the days seems a little off to me. Seriously, does she buy her wigs in the same alley that she scores her crack? How many times can we see the ladies referencing what the fuck is up with Katie before it’s actually addressed on camera? Also, how the fuck did she have surgery to stop her hands from sweating? I am so confused how that even works but I can’t trust anyone who doesn’t sweat from their palms, no matter how smooth and soft their hands are.


Another thing, are we just going to gloss over the fact that Candiace used in work in Obama’s White House? How did they forget to throw this in any earlier? Here we are with Candiace being portrayed as this ditzy girl with mommy issues when she worked with a fucking president. I need some answers. 


All the ladies reunited for Gizelle’s dad’s 80th birthday party where they all wore white and marched down the streets of NOLA with a marching band and umbrellas. The party was held in a church which I’m sure has some historical significance to Gizelle’s dad, just like everything else they did in New Orleans, but instead of Curtis being the starring character of his own birthday party, that role went to Ashley’s uterus. Instead of accepting Candiace’s apology and moving on for the sake of this show, Ashley claimed it would take her some time to get over what happened. Really bitch? Your husband is running around sucking dick like it’s going out of fashion, but you’re choosing to stay mad at a girl who asked you why your actions dont match your words. Okay Ashley. 


Gizelle’s ex was also at her dad’s 80th birthday and the girls all interrogated him about their past relationship and while she acted like she hated it, Gizelle was having an internal orgasm from being the centre of attention. I seriously don’t know what Candiace and Ashley were fighting about at the birthday party but they don’t like each other, they don’t want to be friends and sooner or later Candiace is going to be proved right when Ashley falls pregnant to a man who watches gay porn on his spin bike. To finish off their third night in NOLA, Candiace sang “Happy Birthday” to Gizelle’s dad while they brought out the cake, so I guess she’s the singer of the group now? Did I miss something? And Gizelle spent three hours drinking with her ex-boyfriend in a bar and claimed they only kissed. Really bitch? You didn’t even give him a handjob in the corner booth? 


The whole last day reminded me of Princess and the Frog. All the ladies took a steam boat out while Candiace screamed about finding a bug on her. I like Candiace but screaming about a tiny bug is going to make me feel the complete opposite. Just brush it off and get the fuck over it. Nothing else happened on the boat apart from Monique being completely over any and everything that happened so she went home and the other girls got beignets while Karen and Gizelle fought for the 800th time. 


Gizelle doesn’t want Karen asking about her personal dating life with Sherman but Karen continued to bug her for answers and then yelled at Gizelle in her braided lace front about disrespecting her. Also, Gizelle probably didn’t want Karen to say anything at the table because she knew the Grand Dame had heard gossip about Sherman dating someone else before he and Gizelle broke up. These two are never going to be friends. They don’t want to talk about their personal lives and there is zero trust, so the only thing they could hope for is cordial acquaintances but these two bitches are way to shady to let that happen. 


The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.


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