RHOP Recap: Corona Unchained

June 3, 2019

It amazes me how Gizelle can bring up Karen not talking to her about her business in front of a table of people and still wonder why this woman doesn't trust her. So, Gizelle's storyline is to be friends with Karen yet she continues to take any jab whenever she can. If she wants to be Karen's friend so bad then she needs to slow the fuck down and grow the friendship at Karen's pace, the trust in this relationship is as far gone as Karen's old hairline and the more Gizelle complains about the Grand Dame, the more appealing waterboarding looks. 

 

What is going on with Katie? She doesn't really do much except hang around in the corner staring off into the distance, so something is definitely happening with the ball and gala girl. In season one she was on it, however, as much as I love that they brought her back to bring up the energy of the show, she has a very dark Danielle Staub-esque energy and even when Katie's body is present in the room, her brain is in some alternate universe playing scrabble. Katie is starting to look more cracked out than Ashley's mother and I'm not sure if she's just mixing Xanax with brown juice or doing lines in the bathroom but everybody is alluding in their confessionals that something isn't right with Miss Katie. 

 

Judging from her current behaviour and the trailer for the season, I don't see her really contributing to any feuds or even driving a storyline but we can count on Katie to smoke in a Mardi Gras mask, flash her boobs and lay around drunk in the background while her wig slips off her head. Seriously, if Karen can invest in some good lace fronts you would think Katie would be able to wear a wig that doesn't look as if it were found in Kim Zolciak's dumpster. And Katie flashing Ashley's kitties then flashing her own while jumping up and down was wild. I'm never going to unseen those saggy B-cups flapping around like a dying seal. While I'm obsessed with every weird thing Katie does, I think it's pretty clear why she didn't get a peach, or whatever the fuck they hold in this franchise. A crab leg? 

 

Candiace is bringing it this season but I cannot talk about Dorothy anymore. Her mother dangles her money over Candiace's head as a form of manipulation and critiques her like she's a judge on Project Runway. Enough is enough. The only positive Candiace is getting out of this relationship is free rent and I want them to come to a place where they can have the mother/daughter relationship the newlywed wants but it's been like this for long and I don't see it changing. And how many innocent tissues have been harmed in the last five episodes from Candiace folding them up and dabbing them in the corner of her eye? She's definitely got the Kyle Richards crying technique down but no wonder her mother pays the rent when 90% of her income would have to be going towards napkins. 

 

For the ladies second day in New Orleans they all visited a plantation where Gizelle's grandparents were enslaved. It's always fascinating when the Housewives turn into an educational program because you sit down to watch women throw wine at each other and you end up getting an important history lesson with information you can bring up at family gatherings to sound smart and educated, even though your source is Bravo. Gizelle's dad led them around the property and for an 80-year-old man, he is a total daddy. I could definitely see Katie making Gizelle's daddy her daddy. Her father Curtis was a civil rights activist with links to Martin Luther King, so it really was great to hear an expert give us a history lesson, even if his daughter is a messy trick with an ego problem. 

 

Curtis shaded all the ladies and made them realise exactly where Gizelle got her skills from. It's extremely hard and devastating to see what used to happen in New Orleans, not all that long ago, and how black people were literally treated as animals under the law. How the fuck did this ever happen? It's one thing to talk about slavery but actually learning about their practices and the laws which made is legally binding is so disgusting, especially seeing the 2200 children who died at that plantation alone, on top of all the rapes which all Gizelle's great grandparents were products of. This is why Potomac is thriving right now, because the ladies can give us deep historical moments and then go to a nightclub two hours later. 

 

Robyn told the group she investigated her genealogy and found she was more European than African. Uh yeah, I could've told her that. Katie hit the nail on the head in season one and seeing Robyn reluctantly say she was more white than black was almost as if she had to admit to having a golden shower fetish. Considering this cast, it would be great to see all of them take a 23 in Me test to see exactly what they have going on to make them the way they are. After their day talking about slavery, Karen decided to stay back in her room from all the heavy conversation and have an easy night instead of taking shots and partying at a nightclub, however, not long after the Grand Dame herself when live on Instagram and Gizelle almost had a stroke. 

 

Why does Gizelle care? Why does she have to take everything Karen does as a personal attack? Clearly Grand Dame wasn't feeling up to taking shots after their heavy day of slavery talk and wanted to unwind in her room. What is she supposed to do cry into her pillow? Going on Instagram Live after she ditched the entire group probably wasn't Karen's best decision but why does Gizelle care? Shut the fuck up Green Eyes, I know it's hard but Gizelle should worry about herself for once instead of any and everything that Karen Huger is up to. The ladies all put on their boas while Gizelle thought a pink synthetic wig was a good idea for a night of drinking in NOLA. Whoever thought it was okay to let Gizelle appear in other people's lines of vision in that pink wig should be shot. 

 

Following Ashley doing an aggressive amount of shots while everyone was partying even though she said she's trying not to drink, the ladies headed back to Gizelle's presidential suite and Ashley's uterus once again became a topic of discussion. Candiace doesn't think Ashley wants to get pregnant because she's continuing to drink and it's not the actual alcohol consumption that's the problem. You can drink when you're trying to get pregnant and it doesn't mean anything, but what matters is Ashley saying she wants to stop drinking to get pregnant and then drinking like a camel in the desert. She obviously wants to have fun on camera but she can't say one thing and then do another without anybody wondering if a baby is actually something she wants. 

 

Ashley saying she doesn't want to drink so she can get pregnant and then proceeding to drink is like Gizelle saying she wants to be friends with Karen but attacking her any chance she can get. It doesn't make sense. Ashley brought up her miscarriage to try and be dramatic and offended by Candiace's comment but the bottom line is Ashley is still drinking when Ashley was the one who said she wasn't going to do that. Is it just me or is alcohol playing a much larger role this season? These ladies are ready to get drunk at anytime and I am here for it.

 

Also, why the fuck would Ashley want to get pregnant with her gay husband? This would've been the PERFECT time for Candiace to bring up the fact that Michael wants to deep throat a big black cock but everyone is still claiming they don't want to ruin her marriage by bringing it up, even though they are talking about his dick sucking ways in their confessionals. 

 

 

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.

 

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