For the last two weeks I took a well-needed hiatus to move for the second time in a year and celebrate Easter in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, so I couldn’t commit to serving you guys with the snarky shade you read this mess of a blog for, however, much like Bethenny Frankel in season seven of The Real Housewives of New York, the bitch is back is to recap all the juiciest hot topics that went down during my sabbatical.
Wendy Williams Divorce
The biggest and best thing to transpire in the last two weeks is Wendy Williams divorcing her rodent of a husband. After Kevin Hunter impregnated his mistress of ten years, Wendy finally had enough time to think in her sober house and sent him divorce papers, fired him from her show and repossessed his side piece's car. Wendy Williams is back and I can finally watch her show without cringing through her roasting someone else’s marriage when we all knew what Double Chin was up to. Much like a blonde wig, divorce looks good on Wendy.
Kim K Becomes A Lawyer?
I don’t know how or why but Kim Kardashian woke up one morning and decided to be a lawyer. I’ve never cared about anything less in my entire life. If she wants to channel her inner Elle Woods then study away, however, nobody wants to see her write massive paragraphs on Instagram about her new career path when we’ve all seen her been fucked six ways to Sunday. Literally. As boring as this is, it not only helps her change prison reform in America but also gives her a storyline for KUWTK. Two birds, one four year law degree.
RHOC Season 14 Tea
We can all agree RHOC has become more stale than a yeast infection, however, Kelly Dodd feuding with Tamra Judge is like two pit bulls fighting over a steak. I'm not really sure what happened but from their subtle war of words in Instagram comments and a leaked video, I gathered Tamra talked about Kelly getting in a physical altercation off camera and the Little Bitch Prosecutor took it the wrong way so Tamra started talking about how she threw her mother down the stairs?
I don’t know but there’s nothing better than a messy Tamra and an aggregated Kelly. Whatever happened, this is what we need. Oh and Vicki is also suing Brooks for money we all know she’s never going to get and chased Kelly around a house, so that’s fun.
Billie Lee Fucked A Ghost
So after Stassi basically said Billie Lee has no place on Vanderpump Rules, the transgender cast member knew she had to hang onto her last 15 minutes of fame and claimed to have had sex with a ghost. To make a weird supernatural story short, Billie got high, had a wet dream, felt an “energy” penetrating her and thought it was a great fuck. Did she consent? What the fuck guys. What the actual fuck. I have no words but Billie Lee is definitely having a wet dream that anyone is even talking about her.
Kenya Moore Has A Peach
After being exiled from Atlanta only to make a very pregnant appearance which ended NeNe and Cynthia’s friendship, the streets are saying that Kenya Moore Daly is definitely returning to this show. In every single episode of the new season, I complained for her to return and at least Bravo knows the show was terrible without her. Kenya Moore officially snatched Shamari’s peach and NO ONE is sad. Atlanta can make a comeback with Twirl and if this tea isn't true I may need to go on suicide watch.
Juicy Joe Deported
Following Juicy Joe being incarcerated for three years before being released into an immigration prison to await his appeal, the judge ultimately decided to send him to Italy. Couldn’t they have done that a month ago and not wasted his time in another prison? Yes, he broke the law and yes, he should face his punishment but living in a country you don’t know without any of your family is more cruel then Teresa allowing Milania to sing on international TV. The one positive is that we can watch it all unfold on RHONJ, but do we even care anymore?
Mercedes Javid Gives Birth
To end on a good note, I want to congratulate Mercedes Javid for welcoming her baby boy Shams Feight into the world. As cute as their little family is, MJ literally almost died giving birth and was placed in ICU, however, apart from her near death experience she finally got what she’s been praying for and named her first born after her late father. I smiled ear to ear when I heard the news. Salamati!