Shade of the Week: Southern Charm

March 28, 2019

The sun is shining on a new era for Southern Charm and Kathryn Dennis is at the head of this maiden voyage. 

 

Rapist and overall pig Thomas Ravenel has finally been exiled from the show for forcibly touching up one too many nannies and as a result the only thing we have to remember him by in the season six trailer is his fucked up sugar baby and Kathryn crying about being a single mother. A single mother would be infinitely better than having to coparent with a predator wouldn’t you agree? 

 

The season six trailer isn’t the most explosive thing I’ve ever seen but Southern Charm does run at a slower pace than the other Bravo franchises, but let’s start off with someone positive: the promo photo. This has to be the best cast photo this show has ever had, everyone (even Shep) looks amazing, the beachy colour scheme matches the show perfectly and even the new girl blends with the cast. I’m always excited for a new season of these southern trust fund babies so let’s break down what we can expect. 

 

Kathryn is a single mother now who’s fighting for custody of her children. Depending on whether or not T-Rav’s lawsuit is successful or not we may not get to see it but who is going to win in a legal battle? A rapist or a multi millionaire TV network? Unsurprisingly Kathryn isn’t without any drama as she’s fighting with Dani about something but this just seems like a fight which will be tearfully resolved the next morning. Kathryn still isn’t drinking which for entertainment reasons makes me sad but morally I’m proud of her for staying off the booze wagon. 

 

Cameran is still boring. I like her but she doesn’t really do anything, last season she barely showed up to film because she was pregnant and after she pushed that thing out she showed up even less. The only thing Cam really brings to the show is her passive aggressive confessionals where she judges her costars but until she brings her husband on the show and gives a taste of their behind the scenes drama then she can’t say anything about anyone. 

 

Shep is still an asshole and he’s officially progressed from alcoholic in training to a full blown alcoholic. All I really expect from Shep this season is a bunch of bullying towards Craig, fighting over a girl with Austen and just acting like an overall dick who smells of beer and bad decisions. How weird is it to think this is the guy who got a Bachelor style dating show? 

 

Naomie still has her hot Indian doctor boyfriend and is a full time cast member so she’s winning this season, Chelsea never gives us anything but says Craig has a pussy in his pants which is a GIFable moment in the making and Patricia is going through McDonalds drive through with her butler. Does she eat the burger in the car with her hands or wait to get home and have it properly plated? I’m fascinated and the queen of this show really deserves her own spinoff which revolves around her eating fast food. Make it happen Whitney! 

 

I don’t even know what Craig is up to. Dating? Sewing? Lawyering? Who knows and who cares let’s just appreciate his good looks and hope everyone can lay the fuck off this season. 

 

The new girl Eliza Limehouse has been running around the background for years and I don’t think she’ll make much difference in the foreground. Maybe Shep and Austen will fight over her like the last piece of meat at a BBQ but I really don’t care. What else is happening in the trailer? 

 

OH YEAH. 

 

Trashley herself is back like a bad smell. During the two minute sneak peek we see her at least twice, once when she’s wandering around trying to start shit at some greyhound day and another time when she’s being physically removed from Patricia’s event while the entire cast watches. Trashley sucks but we need her to come around at least a few times a season to events she’s not welcome just to give us the fix of crazy which made this show so juicy last season. Trashley is fucking mental but I’ve grown to love her even if she is a horrible human being, because this cast is too nice to start drama without the crazy bitch. Not all heroes wear capes.

 

I’m so fucked ready and if you’re interested the new season kicks off May 15 at 8/7c on Bravo! 

 

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