Mix gender reunions are always hard to rank, however, Below Deck is on another level because nobody gives a fuck. These people aren't professional reality stars so they don't have a glam squad under their belt and dress like they're going to a Build-A-Bear party at the mall, plus, reunions in the WWHL clubhouse are like having a gala in a disabled bathroom and after becoming one of the highest rated shows on Bravo, don't they deserve a little more respect? Check out our ranking of the reunion looks below:
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9. Adrian Martin
What the fuck? I know the theme was "not trying" but he looks like the human form of a sock with a hole in it. Apart from the weird homeless magician vibe he's going for, Adrian looks like he rolled out of bed, combed over his strands of hair, put an unironed shirt from Goodwill on and went about his day. Does he know he is going to look like a sad lesbian at a work event on international television?
8. Ross Inia
This look isn't bad but it's not really even a look. Ross looks like a cute and cuddly koala (yes, I know he's from New Zealand, not Australia, sue me) however, there's nothing really to talk about. His business casual look is nice and I'm sure his new girlfriend, Kunt Krystal, helped him pick out and pay for the outfit but shading this look is like taking a photo of the rain on a sunny day, there's literally nothing there.
7. Captain Lee
Aw, who would fuck Captain Lee? Comment below and let me know because he could shred some serious pussy in this leather jacket. That's a visual. Lee looks like an old biker who decided to dress up nice for his daughter's wedding, so he put on jeans and called it a day. It's a cute ensemble but nobody cares about what Captain Lee is wearing or any guy for that matter but the thought of him picking out his own look is adorable.
6. Josiah Carter
Trust that the gay British cast member delivered us this outfit. This is probably the most gay and/or British someone has ever looked, so at least Josiah is doing something right. He looks like the little groom who sits on top of a wedding cake and velvet is always such an underused fabric, so I'm glad it's making an appearance at the reunion. I think? I can't complain because this is the one person so far who actually tried.
5. Kate Chastain
I don't like this look. I know I'm supposed to but I just don't. Kate is beautiful but she looks like a skewer wrapped in purple bacon in this dress. I don't get it. She's dressed like a Housewife at a charity gala who will smile to my face and then bitch about my unmowed lawn over the punchball. Kate's hair looks great and the dress isn't atrocious but it definitely ages her to be the matron of the group. But hey, at least she has sleeves in case it gets chilly in the clubhouse.
4. Ashton Pienaar
The South African looks very culty in this look. I don't know if he's going to try and make me become a Mormon or tell me about the wonders of Scientology but you can never trust a man in a grey jacket with black boots. Why are the boots so shiny? Did he polish them with all the cum he lost aboard his time on the My Seanna? Ashton was the best looking person this season, let's not beat around the bush, and probably should've just turned up naked.
3. Tyler Rowland
The thrill seeker turned firefighter turned deckhand looks like sex on a stick, which is a coincidence because his sex stick was the only thing of substance he gave us this season. I never understood Rhylee's attraction to him, however, in this button-down shirt and bulging pants, I certainly get the appeal. This is easily the best male outfit of the cast because he's not trying, in the best way, he looks hot, sexy and confident so it doesn't matter if he has the personality of a toothbrush.
2. Rhylee Gerber
For an Alaskan boat captain, Rhylee and her firecrotch clean up quite well. Andy Cohen loves a jumpsuit and the deckhand looks like a nun going to a disco in this sparkly, black ensemble. She managed to avoid the dreaded camel toe which usually comes from wearing a jumpsuit, however, this look needs a little something extra and I'm sure a camel toe would be the perfect accessory. This look is clean, stylish and sexy but there's not much more to say.
1. Laura Betancourt
The valley girl goth disgused as a Canadian delivered in this look, however, saying someone delivered fashionably in a Below Deck reunion is like Danielle Staub beating out Charles Manson for a humanitarian award. It's slim pickings. Laura looks great in this boss bitch jumpsuit, which shows just enough skin to be to be sexy but without having to blur her nipples on TV.
Below Deck airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the horny boat crew.