Even in Japan, the ladies found a way to be boring.
Ugh. I don't care about this season. I don't care about Eva's sneaky, forgetful shade. I don't care about Porsha's mumbling man or the hot dog mogul baby they're growing. And I definitely don't care about the wet rat of a weave sitting upon Calamari's head. Did she really need to bring that sad excuse of "hair" on an international trip? After being partially bullied by the ladies all season for looking like an unwashed chihuahua in Tina Knowles' old designs, she still didn't try to dress the part of a Housewife on this trip.
The problem with this season is that nobody really cares to develop relationships with each other. Sure, everybody attends the same events, shout "HEY GIRL" when they met each other and overreact for the camera but nobody wants to get too attached because they don't have the energy to bond with women they won't see thirty seconds after the season wraps. If you invest in a relationship that means the stakes are high and nobody wants to potentially be in the middle of another public feud. Like most of the Housewives cities lately, nobody wants to do their job. This is the new Atlanta and I'm not a fan.
First of all, if you are going to make this episode about the Japan trip, then start with the ladies meeting at the airport instead of Kandi & Eva and Porsha & NeNe having filler scenes nobody cares to watch. Why is Eva in Kandi's dungeon show? Out of all the ladies, did she really think the bland bohemian was the one that will draw fans in? Eva sucks. I know, I say it every week but there's no other word to describe the underwhelming newbie. She's mad at Porsha for bringing up the fact that she was shady? Um. Is this really what we are fighting about? Are Eva's feelings really hurt like that? What the fuck has The Real Housewives of Atlanta come to?
Eva is shady. Period. She's shady and "forgets" the previous shade she has thrown because she's scared to say things to people's faces. This is her storyline. She's been called out all season for being a fake bitch and now she's mad at Porsha for it. Porsha is a thirsty liar, but in this battle, Eva needs to own her shade and not worry about somebody keeping her accountable for her annoying mouth. If you can throw the shade in private, then you can own up to it in public. That's literally in the job description of being a Housewife and I'm stunned she was cast without having that ability.
The peaches arrived in Tokyo with everybody receiving their luggage with the exception of label whore, Marlo Hampton. That has to be a set up right? Are we really supposed to believe every single person received all of their five suitcases, except the one girl who's been berating everyone about their fashion all season long? Really Bravo, really? If we looked in one of the producer's rooms I'm sure we'd find Marlo's six Louis Vuitton suitcases stacked up in the corner. Can you imagine the things Marlo had to do for all those lost designer clothes? Wow, she traded her dignity in for clothes and now she doesn't even have those. Marlo without designer clothes is like peanut butter without jelly or Wendy Williams without her wig. It's just unnatural. Seeing Marlotta lose her bags was definitely the most tear-jerking and emotionally affected I've been by anything in this whole season and we should all take a moment of silence to mourn the loss of Marlo's luggage.
Following the airport drama, the ladies were escorted directly to dinner at the hotel, which is the right way to start a trip. The other right way to start a trip was Tanya bringing in their travel guide to highlight the dos and do not's of what to do in Japan, so that you don't end up arrested or dead, however, she basically just highlighted the importance of being on time, which is definitely not this group's strong suit, which was supported through numerous, numerous flashbacks of everyone arriving at events three hours late and acting like nothing ever happened. Following the cute travel guide talking to the women, Eva started piping up about Porsha "character assassinating" her by bringing up her Cynthia shade. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Eva needs a hobby. Porsha also (finally) announced she was pregnant which surprised no one because she's been drinking water for two months and is already starting to show which is alarming.
The next morning, everybody woke up and Eva found out her grandpa had a heart attack. Aw. Wow, I just realised I've spent 80% of this recap shitting on Eva which she probably didn't deserve from this episode being about her grandpa potentially dying. Oh well. She cried to Kandi, who sat there emotionless, watching the "top model" skull her bottle of champagne while crying through her braids. Note to Eva, Kandi is not the one to cry to and expect an emotional response. Everybody arrived on time for the tour guide, except NeNe, Marlo and Shamari who rocked up to the bus almost an hour late. I understand NeNe was fighting with Gregg and Marlo was moping around after losing her luggage and having no one to help with her shaky weave, but what is Calamari's excuse? She should be thrilled to even be on this trip because even the tour guide got more screen time than the little girl.
Ugh, this episode sucked. I wanted to like it. I tried and I don't know if it was my raging hangover which made me hate it or if it just wasn't an interesting episode of television but this show is going downhill faster than Wendy Williams' personal life. They went to a temple, prayed for some shit before the girls got some sushi and complained yet again about the Japanese food. You are in Japan. Everything is raw fish. Deal with it. If they didn't like sushi, why the fuck did they agree to a Japan trip? And they weren't getting cheap Atlanta sushi, they were all eating boughy Tokyo sushi and still looking for a way to complain. Tanya and NeNe also managed to get into a weird fight I still don't understand.
NeNe joked (?) at the temple that Tanya may marry someone else other than her fiance, Tanya got offended and brought it up when the Rich Bitch started her usual routine of screaming and shouting to cause a scene in a public setting to make it seem like she's right while the other person has to sit there and can't get a word in edgewise. NeNe can never admit when she's wrong and I'm proud of Tanya for standing her ground and going up against the OG, even if their entire fight was over NeNe saying a forgettable sentence. Is she still mad at Tanya for the Swagg comment? Or is all of this just indirect anger from her issues with Gregg? Let's go with a little of both but I'm here for NeNe having an international breakdown.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.