I missed last week's recap because I was away on a New Years getaway, but after watching that episode not much happened besides Mama Joyce being messy for screentime and Marlo calling Eva fat so, like most of this season, I didn't miss a lot. In THIS week's episode we got our first fight of the season and of course, it was between Porsha and Kandi. The episode began with a flashforward, RHONJ christening style, of their fight on someone's deck which just sounded like two screeching seagulls arguing over a french fry.
Although this has been the worst season of the show by a LOONG shot, the beginning of the episode with a fight between two feuding Housewives made it look up, however, by the time we finally got to the fight scene at the end of the hour-long episode I was already sick about hearing about this stupid fucking fight. Is it a coincidence that the only event with drama all season just happened to be the one that wasn't filmed? I hate when Housewives argue about events which occured off camera because there's no way of knowing the truth because Bravo can't throw in a flashback to show who's lying. Both women can lie and construct their own narratives and we'll never know the truth.
This is how the story (allegedly) goes. Kandi invited the ladies to Todd's 45th birthday party off camera (where Kenya was also in attendance) and Porsha happily tagged along, however, her battered and bruised ex-assistant who now works for Kandi walked past her with Dennis' ex who's name and/or face is tattooed on his body. The ex kissed Dennis, he (allegedly) pulled away when Porsha started "walking up" on the girl and was kicked out of the party. Jami, the assistant who Porsha beat up in the alley of a Christmas party a few years back, claims Porsha chest bumped her back before she was kicked out but let's examine the situation.
Jami is thirsty. Nobody starts working with someone's costar who they have a problem with if they aren't a little messy and love some camera time, so I definitely think she and the ex-girlfriend were walking by Porsha trying to get her to give them some kind of reaction whether it was a shady comment or a Kenya Moore-esque reunion weave drag. Porsha obviously retaliated and (probably) walked up on the girl but because she's a professional victim and struggles to tell the truth at the best of times, left that part out to seem more like the southern belle angel she wants all of us to believe. Both girls are in the right and the wrong, Porsha is right to feel set up but the set up wasn't coming from Kandi, it was from Jami and probably Don Juan who we know loves shading Porsha more than he loves to breathe. I love me some DJ but let's call a spade a fucking spade.
The only way Kandi fucked up was by not checking on Porsha. She could've come out to see her after she was booted from the party because it was HER party, nobody should be kicked out without her knowing, and even if they were then she could've called her after the fact to squash the beef. By letting it linger and developing feelings about the situation then the animosity grows and drama ensues. This is a very grey issue and after both of the ladies spoke about it to the other women for the entire episode, but the time it got to their showdown I couldn't look for a fuck to give. They were both very angry and it just further shows they shouldn't be friends. They'll never trust each other again and always think the worst of the other person, but seeing Porsha ramble about Kandi being fake is boring.
They aren't going to agree and I really don't care to see this situation being brought up for the next eight episodes, hear the ladies thoughts about it on WWHL or have them discuss it at length at the reunion. I don't care. At all. And all the fight did was distract from Tanya and Eva's attempt to try and invite the ladies to Japan. Recently, the excuses for Housewives trips have been weaker than an emo's self-esteem. Whether it was Cary in Dallas going to Copenhagen to get closer with her dad, even though he wasn't there, or the Beverly Hills ladies going to Berlin for Erika to have a meeting and then not actually having that meeting, the trip excuses have sucked.
However, the ladies going to Japan for Eva's "bachelorette party" is a plausible excuse and seeing them spin a globe to decide where to go was something I appreciated. Did the producers plan and book the trips weeks before this occured? Fuck yes. Was I mildly entertained at this attempt? Fuck yes. Japan is an odd choice especially for this crew, I love when they go somewhere different and I'm ready for this group to offend an entire race of people. It wouldn't be a Housewives trip without cultural appropriation and I'm surprised Marlo is even allowed in international waters considering her string of mugshots. We were always taught in school to abide by the law because it could affect our ability to enter other countries, but I guess slashing someone's face and breaking probation several times isn't that bad.
Apart from Kandi & Porsha fighting and the origins of the Japan trip, we also had to sit through a scene of Calamari in a sectrary wig complaining about balancing a healthy work/life balance. There have been over 100 Housewives and I've seen this play out with at least 93 of them. While the struggle is real and this storyline is very relatable, I've seen this before and I don't care to see it play out for the 500th time, it's more tired than vaginal rejuvenation and pole dancing classes. I don't know when but somehow Cynthia became my favourite Housewife in this realm. I kind of like how she does nothing but still somehow manages to be entertaining in a way. Her relationship with Mike Hill is cute and I appreciate how she gets to spend her days fucking on her kitchen counter now that her daughter is away at college. Miss Bailey, her wigs and high cheekbones are seriously living their best lives and I see plenty of BBC in her future.
Something I didn't care to see was Peter Thomas. What is with the sudden reemergence of the ghosts of Atlanta's past? Mama Joyce, Jami, Shamea and now Peter? What's next? Dwight? I'm over Peter and I barely even listened to the scene he was in at Casa Leakes. That was slightly odd of NeNe to have him over without Cynthia being in the scene and it was definitely made for TV. The day Peter and Cynthia's divorce was filed was one of the best in Bravo history because it meant we wouldn't have to see Papa Smurf of the South pop up again. But I guess he's still finding a way to sneak in and I don't care. Unless NeNe is calling him a bitch because that's something I can get on board with.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.