Every Real Housewives Newbie of 2018, Ranked!

December 17, 2018

By nature, I can never be bothered meeting new Housewives and this year's options made it a whole lot harder. While most of this year's fresh meat are genuinely good , law-abiding, sensible and sensitive people, they usually don't make for the best TV. After looking over the newbies of 2018 nobody is a standout and all the ladies brought minimal impact to each of their cities, however, I tried to do my best to attempt and rank these ladies on what small contributions and potential they did bring to their respective franchises.

 

7. Eva Marcille (Atlanta)

Season 10 was the Atlanta season which aired for most of 2018, so, therefore, Eva will be ranked on her "friend of" behaviour in this ranking and not the latest season which is currently airing. Shamari's assessment will be next year.

 

When Eva The Diva first sashayed onto the screen she had potential, she was straight talking with a Hollywood past which normally bodes well for the Atlanta ladies, however, as much potential as Eva had, she didn't exactly have a lot to deliver in her rookie season. Between that weird situation with Cynthia's made-for-TV boyfriend and Shamea trying to get camera time by asking if she was a lesbian, Eva didn't have a lot to work with but her pregnancy, engagement and a shakeup in Atlanta allowed her to earn her peach in season eleven which never should've happened.

 

6. Gina Kirschenheiter (Orange County)

This wise talking New Yorker brought us her affinity for wide-brimmed hats, blue eyeshadow and a divorce nobody can understand. Gina is another one with potential, her New York attitude may have riled up Shannon and Vicki at several awkward dinners but the fights never went anywhere and she'll always be remembered for divorcing her husband we never met for reasons she never gave.

 

The seasons over and we still don't know why they broke up, in fact, all we know about Gina is that she lives in a casita and sounds like she's from Minnesota. She got involved in a messy game of telephone with Tamra and had to deal with Shannon unreasonably hating her guts but apart from that she didn't have lot going for her.

 

5. Teddi Mellencamp (Beverly Hills)

John Mellencamp's daughter is probably the nicest human being ever to appear on a reality show which is the same reason why she doesn't belong. Teddi is a baby dolphin among carnivorous sharks and when being the product of famous offspring and crying about Erika raising her voice are the biggest things to deal with all season, it makes sense why it was a total flop. She didn't really do anything besides introduce the term accountability coach into our vocabularies but somehow she managed to become a fan favourite from people liking her down to earth charm in a group of high maintenance bitches.

 

Teddi also kept a very unaccountable Dorito accountable through stupid feuds about time management and stem glasses in a season where the accent confused Housewife was completely insufferable, so we have to be grateful for that. I have hope she'll bring more in season nine.

 

4. Jackie Goldschneider (New Jersey)

This season of New Jersey may have only just begun but the new Jew on the cast has shown us she has the word of the day: potential. Jackie has an easy, relatable and funny energy, however, she isn't the most controversial or camera hogging Housewife we've come across. Apart from having small children which is the most annoying quality a Housewife can have, Jackie proved why she was cast on this show when she stood up to Teresa and checked her for berating her sister-in-law about controlling her husband while Juicy Joe sits on the deportation line.

 

Jersey needs strong, sensible and smart women with more than two brain cells who can keep Queen Bee Teresa in check and hold her accountable for her bullshit and hopefully, Jackie can be the second coming of Caroline Manzo in that sense.

 

3. Candiace Dillard (Potomac)

I know you're wondering how Candiace managed to rank this high but she brought it in a time where Housewives weren't willing to go there. Candiace reminds me of Tinsley, she's a Housewives Jr that most of the ladies discount for being annoying, young and dumb but this pageant queen wasn't scared to ruffle feathers and she did so with sense, a great vocabulary and managed to hold her ground against the Green-Eyed Bandits and their messy sidekick.

 

Yes, she may have been a little too extra at times but Candiace is a nice girl with a wedding to plan and a fiancee with a brown schlong we all wanted to see. Apart from potentially living off her mama and age shaming most of the cast, Candiace made her place known and she's a strong yet unexpected asset on the largely unlikeable cast.

 

2. Jennifer Aydin (New Jersey)

Jacqueline Laurita 2.0 is one of the most insufferable and annoying people to come across my screen this year, however, she is further proof that the more terrible of a human being you are, the more you make for great TV. Jennifer bragging about her 16 bathrooms and sprawling McMansion filled with tacky furnishings and gross wasteful slabs of marble is annoying to watch but there's not much else going on in the Garden State right now.

 

One crucial factor reality TV needs is someone we love to hate and Jennifer is more than ticking that box with her incessant​ bragging and controlling husband who looks like a fat Jafar. Apart from her McMansion,​ her upcoming feud with Margaret looks amazing and I'm more than ready to see her fight for her peach or whatever the fuck they hold in Jersey.

 

1. Emily Simpson (Orange County)

The OC newbie ranks this high for one reason and one reason only: she threatened to kill one of her costars. Emily's losing her shit and physically lunging for Kelly Dodd after she called her husband a little bitch, dork, twerp and pussy was the undisputed​ biggest moment for a newbie of 2018 and probably one of the biggest moments to happen across the whole franchise. No one really did anything this year but Emily brought us Shane, a little bitch if you will, who gave us more than enough content this season and seeing her lunge towards her costar while threatening death was a moment which saved the boring season.

 

Emily also opened up about her pregnancy struggles, challenging relationship with her mother and having her Mormon husband propose on G-chat. Emily like the other newbies showed potential​ and we need her hulk-esque behaviour back next season.


Congratulations Emily, you managed to win 2018!

 

Photo Credit: Bravo

 

Please reload

Featured Posts

Shade of the Week: The Giudices

November 14, 2019

1/7
Please reload

Recent Posts

November 25, 2019

Please reload

Subscribe 
Follow Us
  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Twitter Social Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon

Good Tea. All Rights Reserved 2018 © 

  • White Facebook Icon