RHOC Reunion Recap: Hulk Smash

December 10, 2018

After what feels like an eternity this reunion is finally coming to a close. These last three episodes were better than the entire season and had everything from cocaine allegations, the newbies picking fights for relevancy, way too many Shannon-centric conversations and a whole lot of flapping titties. Would it be an OC reunion if there wasn't ample amounts of Newport Beach constructed breasts being plastered across the screen? I think not. 


The best part of this entire season was undisputedly Kelly calling Emily's husband a little bitch. I want her monologue written on my tombstone and a remix of their fight and Kelly Dodd's best moments being played as I'm lowered into the ground while my family say their final goodbyes. I'm obsessed with The Little Bitch Fight of 2018 and you're wrong if you don't think I know the entire scene off by heart and have acted it out for friends numerous times. It's literally the gift that keeps on giving. Neither woman is that upset. Kelly couldn't care less about the Little Bitch in question and Emily needs something to fight about to qualify her for another season, however, they continued to have an extremely wild screaming match about the situation. Emily claimed Kelly calling her husband a dork, twerp, pussy and, of course, a little bitch was disproportionate to what he had said but forgot about her disproportionately threatening to kill her. 


RELATED: RHOC Season 13 Reunion Fashion Roundup


When the subject was brought up Emily tried to excuse her behaviour by saying it's only a death threat if the other person thinks they are actually going to die, which according to Kelly, she did. There's no way Kelly's life was flashing before her eyes at that moment and she definitely didn't think that was going to die at the hands of the Little Bitch's protector, however, she's an all-star and knows how to deliver in a fight. Apparently, Kelly thought Emily was going to kill her because she's seen Snapped and knows what those bitches can do.


As a Snapped fanatic who's seen most episodes, nobody ever killed another woman for calling her husband a Little Bitch during an OC pool party, however, if a Housewife actually killed her costar it would make for an amazing episode of Snapped. Surely, somebody has to snap and kill their bitchy cast member soon? Shannon tried to intervene in the fight by saying Emily had to be restrained while threatening to kill Kelly and she clapped back by screaming "IM NOT TALKING TO YOU" which made me laugh and rewatch it five times. I need that played at my funeral too.


I love when Emily slowly morphs into the hulk and screams from the depths of her stomach. There's a sense of tranquillity and peace I find when Housewives yell from their core and we can only hope Emily brings her hulk side out more often next season. Surely, she can throw Tamra in the pool like Jeana Keough never could. As much as Emily was definitely trying to make her presence known to hang onto her Bravo checks, there was something so real about seeing her snap. There's deep rage inside her and after she has a few more outbursts next season to secure her orange for future seasons, I'm sure her storyline will be going to therapy to deal with her "uncontrollable" temper. We've seen this storyline play out across all the franchises and you can't have dramatic hulk-like moments without having to fake feel bad about them in therapy. 


The only thing better than seeing Emily flip out and do what she should've been doing all season was Shannon and Tamra quietly smirking at her fighting ways, they obviously knew her and Gina needed to do the most to keep their oranges and I love how production kept those sneaky cutaways in. Kelly also said she was telling Emily to hit her during their fight so she could hit her right back, I love the honesty but we can't for a second think Kelly would actually have a chance at fighting Emily. I'm sure she got into messy Arizona bar fights when she was younger but Emily could've pulled her weave out, body slammed and thrown her in Tamra's pool before Kelly could've gotten a shot in. Andy said it's a good thing they didn't physically fight but are we supposed to believe that crap? He would've creamed his jeans while watching the footage and he knows the ratings would've been a lot higher had these two bitches actually thrown down. Who does he think he's fooling? 


Somehow Kelly and Emily came to a conclusion regarding the Little Bitch and the topic of discussion moved back to this show's core focus: Shannon Beador. Once again we repeated the same back and forth we've seen all season. Tamra felt exhausted and tired from Shannon's constant and overwhelming late night phone calls while her friend failed to ask her anything in return, Shannon  (kind of) apologised about using her friends time but managed to flip it by making herself the victim and somehow putting the blame on Tamra when she was only expressing her feelings. Shannon Beador is a professional victim and always knows how to flip everything around to suit herself, which I guess we now know she learnt from David and his beady little eyes? 


The two co-dependant besties put their beef to bed in a teary conversation where Shannon confessed the Jamaica episode hit her so hard because her friends were calling her a selfish, crazy alcoholic which was what David echoed from day one of their marriage. David's a piece of shit. I know I've said it before but I just have to keep reminding everyone. I know I deterred from the Shannon Beador train after her behaviour on the Jamacia trip but I may consider jumping back on if she just has a positive and fun outlook next season because Sour Shannon is not entertaining in the slightest, especially when most of the season revolves around her mental state. Although this segment was supposed to be exclusively reserved for Tamra and Shannon discussing their friendship, Gina managed to make her opinion known on the issue. 


Gina and her Minnesota accent have no dog in this fight and she definitely doesn't care about Shannon Beador hating her or anything else they discussed, but this was the only subject she could possibly get fired up about and need to make a mountain out of any molehill she could find in order to call Shannon an open book of bullshit, which I bet she was waiting to use for weeks. Shannon finally confirmed what we all know and told Gina she didn't like her before the New York import claimed Shannon and Tamra tried to make her hate Vicki early on in the season which I completely understand and condone.


The fans were tired of the Tres Amigos fighting but T&S still wanted a successful show without rehashing their old bullshit, so of course they wanted the new girl to feud with Vicki and cause some kind of drama, I just wish Gina would've either actually feuded with Vicki or brought their shit talking up during the season instead of waiting until her very last moment to drop this information that Andy didn't even try and follow up on.


The two divorcees also fought about whether or not Gina stirred the pot by telling her about Tamra's shit talking, however, Gina claimed she only told her what was said because Shannon said she was in a custody battle and needed to know which then started a huge fight about whether or not Shannon brought up her custody battle to try and get information, even though when Shannon tried to explain the situation moments before she said she used the words custody case. I'm so confused and have very few fucks to give.


I hope the feud goes into next season and Gina keeps pressing Shannon because there's nothing better than seeing Shannon Storms storm off at the hands of a messy opponent who knows how to rile her up, just ask Heather, Vicki, Kelly, Lydia, Meghan and anyone who comes into a ten mile radius of her. They somehow resolved their beef by Shannon accepting their apologies but she ended the reunion still hating both Emily and Gina's guts, which is a great way to go into season 14. 


RELATED: RHOC Season 13 Cast Ranked


Kelly also apologised for saying David was a saint for being married to Shannon claiming she used the wrong words and corrected herself by saying "I didn’t choose my words right it would just be hard to be married to you," which is what every friend wants to hear.


After what feels like a marathon, the ladies clinked their tequila shots and took them back like the alcoholics in training they are. This reunion definitely redeemed this rough season and gave us all hope for the OC's future after it looked like it needed to end for most of the season. Next year, I want lots of drunk moments, Heather Dubrow back, Emily exploring her hulk side, Gina being messy and Vicki getting dragged by Kelly. Season 14 has lots of potential and I just hope the ladies come back with fire in their stomachs and a thirst to keep their jobs because if they have another bad season then they're officially a lost cause.


The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Sunday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!


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