Bravo is trying to make Eva Marcille happen and like fetch, it's never going to happen.
I was hesitant in deciding to make Eva my Shade of The Week because I didn't think anyone would actually want to waste their time by clicking on a link, waiting for it to load and then reading about Eva. She's not special, interesting, entertaining, funny or even likeable and I'm struggling to care about getting to know her on this season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. In what world did the producers think it was okay to get rid of the dramatic and messy Kenya Moore and replace her with a former model who thinks she is the second coming of Naomi Campbell when that position was really filled by Tyra Banks many moons ago.
My biggest issue with Eva and her monotone voice is that I just don't care. Across any Housewives franchise, you know a show is bad when you just can't find a fuck to give about anything that happens. Loving to hate a reality star is better than not finding the energy to even try and convince yourself to be interested in their made for TV storyline. This season Eva's storyline is getting married and out of any possible storyline, this is definitely the most sleep-inducing.
Wedding storylines suck more than a chubby girl in high school who gave half the football team blowjobs to try and feel cool. We know EXACTLY how they are going to end because we've seen the spread in Us Weekly. We've seen the white dress, the forced smiles and the Instagram photos of all the costars in attendance, so seeing the bridezilla freak out about her dress fitting, sending out the wrong invitations, fighting about a prenup and "freaking out" on her wedding day is of no interest to me. We know they get married and we don't need to see the sausage get made. The thing which made her wedding storyline even worse was seeing her ask NeNe to be apart of the day. She's known this woman for five minutes and even NeNe knew she wasn't close enough to be involved in such a special day because if Bravo cameras weren't there, none of those ladies would've received an invite.
Seeing someone get married on TV can be interesting when we've followed their journey. We saw Tamra Judge get married after going through a shitty divorce, Kandi Burruss got married to Todd after years of turmoil in her family and even NeNe Leakes' wedding special was interesting even, if it may or may not have been done for storyline purposes. However, all those weddings were interesting and intriguing to watch because we had grown and watched these women's lives for years but we don't even know Eva. She got accused of sucking Missy Elliott's Hello Kitty last season, she attended the reunion with very little to talk about and suddenly got handed a peach. We don't know who she is and like I said before, none of us are interested.
Her sneaky shade toward Cynthia is getting more stale than her orange hair. No, 51 Cynt hasn't done much in her nine years on the show, however, she manages to sit in her corner with her gorgeous face and lacklustre personality season after season and somehow we've all gotten used to it. Even though she doesn't bring anything to the table I enjoy Cynthia's presence and positive energy on the show, why does Eva always need to create some kind of model war by shading 51 Cynt in her confessionals. At least confront her to her face and give us some kind of entertainment instead of inserting snide remarks which she won't see until five months after they are made.
And where does Eva get off attacking Cynthia's modelling career? Yes, she won America's Next Top Model, had a few endorsement deals, walked her way down some runways and made herself a good living. I'm not knocking her hustle but this isn't 2005, her heyday is over and now she's more of a media personality who appears on shows and may have a cameo acting appearance. That's it. I've checked her IMBD, Wikipedia and googled up and down trying to find a recent modelling job and there's nothing there. Both models are in the same boat and I'm sick of hear ingher petty flip-flopping shade when 51 Cynt isn't around to defend herself.
Eva thinks she's the untouchable new girl on the block who's above the drama, too cool for school and is better than the petty mess this show naturally ensues but when she signed that Bravo contract and mistakenly held a peach in her hand, she waved her right to hold any kind of moral high ground in this group. The cool girls on these shows never age well, just ask Carole Radziwill and Erika Jayne. In this week's episode, Eva finally received her karma when all the ladies called her out for being a flip-flopping, two-faced shit talker who can't own up to anything from spreading a "rumour" that Cynthia had paid Will to be her boyfriend and how she was handing Shamea dip after only shading her days before.
She looked pressed, frazzled and lost when the ladies pounced on her and you could see her lose control. That's what's good about these shows, when the ladies get too big for their boots they're reigned in very quickly. There's nothing I love more than a Housewife under pressure because you can see their true instincts come out and Eva curled up like a snail in her shell trying to weasel her way out of the situation. It was hard to watch but not as hard as seeing her try and act for the cameras by speaking in her street voice.
I'm not loving this season of RHOA. There's way too much Porsha, Eva or Shamari are doing way too much to try and hang onto their peaches and NeNe's storyline is tragic. Bravo wanted to shake up this franchise but replacing their two messy queens with thirsty newbies wasn't the answer.