Out of all the Housewives "gates" we've had to endure: BookGate, PantyGate, CancerGate and even RapeGate, CloneGate is definitely the most confusing feud I've seen since this show's inception. I just watched an entire episode where it was the topic of discussion and I still have no idea what it is about and why Housewives are suddenly delving into space age shit. Can't we get back to the days where Housewives fought over someone lying or selling a story to the press instead of technology?
My biggest question is why weren't the cameras rolling when all the phone mishegas was going on? These Dallas ladies do their best work in the dead of night (LeeAnne threatening to kill Marie in season one and fighting with D'Andra about being Queen of Dallas) so wouldn't the producers know by now to keep the cameras rolling at all costs? I don't care if it was the last night of the trip and all the cameramen were tired of carrying the massive cameras around, make them sleep in shifts and film anything these ladies do because just when you think everything is good, these ladies will come out swinging. Even if we just have to strap surveillance cameras to the roof and film from there, Jersey Shore style, these producers need to capture the Dallas midnight drama.
Through a patchy explanation, all the ladies had to vaguely explain CloneGate. Apparently, after their final Copenhagen dinner LeeAnne's phone went missing and after hours of looking, Brandi, was the one to find it, which made LeeAnne believe her arch nemesis stole the phone to ensure there were no naked videos of her on it. As a result of this theory, LeeAnne told the girls she cloned Brandi's phone with "software" which set off hysteria among the women. Only in Dallas would the cloning of a phone and the mysterious software required to do so, go unquestioned. The whole plotline is weird and I see both sides of the story. It's definitely suspicious that Brandi "found" the phone and if I was LeeAnne I would've been sceptical too. If the situation had been reversed Brandi definitely would have accused LeeAnne of stealing her phone. However, why would she need to clone it?
Should LeeAnne have cloned her phone? Fuck no. It’s weird and very illegal but LeeAnne could rob a bank and run over my cousin and I’d still find a way to defend her. How does one even clone a phone? Is LeeAnne secretly working for the CIA and she was cast on this show to infiltrate the text messages of a former cheerleader who loves to drink? Housewives fights have officially crossed over into the world of technology and I’ve never been more confused. What’s next? Are they gonna start hacking into each other’s iClouds? The answer of how and why LeeAnne would clone her phone doesn't need an answer because by the end of the episode she admitted it was just a bullshit lie to piss Brandi off. The only thing more annoying than this storyline is how the producers dragged it on for an entire episode only for it to be about absolutely nothing. Although I have to admit, I love the mess on LeeAnne's part. Brandi was asking for retaliation for so long and she finally gave it to her, I just don't know why it was such a weird retaliation though. I'd rather LeeAnne punch her in the face than lie about fucking with her phone.
Apart from the dull phone drama, there wasn't much going for this episode. Cary is still staying in her parents' house due to their ongoing construction but her parents got back early so they are staying in a hotel while Cary and Mark remain in their house. I'm beyond confused. Why doesn't Cary's family move into a hotel or a rental house instead of kicking her parents out of their own home? The only thing weirder than this housing situation is Cary's storyline this season. She never felt close with her parents so she went to Copenhagen to reconnect with relatives so her dad would feel closer to her? What kind of fucked up logic is going on here?
The producers were obviously looking for an excuse to travel to Copenhagen and they used Cary's family as an excuse. How would visiting family make you closer with your dad, wouldn't visiting your dad make you closer with your dad? This was the worst storyline ever but the dad finally showed emotion and seemed to be happy. I think. The only thing going for Cary right now is her husband getting his dick sucked at The Roundup and her past with Lance Armstrong, so she needs to lead with those if she wants to be remotely entertaining on this show.
LeeAnne also had her Infinity Dress Fashion Show and although some of the ladies shaded it, I believe it's an amazing idea. If you're a college girl or a single mother with strapped pockets using the same dress in various alterations is a great way to save money and have a range of different looks. I love all the different attachments, it's affordable (I think), I want LeeAnne to succeed in everything she does and it's a great QVC product. Although it was a great fashion show my favourite part was LeeAnne walking out in a bridal version of the Infinity dress and wearing a Queen Bee crown, which is two major "fuck you's" to D'Andra. She doubted her marriage and fought with her about who was the queen of the group and the resident carny proved both things to her while showing off her latest business venture. Subtle shade is the best shade and LeeAnne won this round.
Apart from Cary's dad showing emotion for the first time, Brandi freaking out about the faux phone cloning and LeeAnne's dress launch, D'Andra and Kameron got into an indirect fight over the term Friend Probabation. This is so fucking stupid. D'Andra joked she was on "friend probation" with Kam, then Kameron went and told Cary she did, in fact, place D'Andra on "friend probation," so Cary crawled back to D'Andra to tell her about the comment which set D'Andra off. Why is this a thing? D'Andra tries to act like she's the Bethenny Frankel of Dallas and gives zero fucks yet she's the who is sensitive about any and everything these women say about her.
If you want to prove you don't care what anybody thinks, don't get offended by Kameron saying something stupid like friend probation. This is so dumb and I don't know how or why this became a thing, D'Andra needs to take several seats in the corner and stop trying to make a fight out of any situation she can just for a storyline. It's tired and I want to sleep. This was a pretty slow week given that the entire storyline which supported this episode was actually a prank, however, next week is the finale and the LeeAnne vs Brandi drama looks juicer than an orange.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesday at 10/9c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.