For the last six seasons, I could always rely on my favourite Persians to deliver quality reality TV, however, while this season of Shahs Of Sunset's had it's moments it was definitely missing the magic it served us with in previous seasons. With the removal of Asa and demotion of Shervin, the cast was partially shaken up but the new energy wasn't great. The group felt disconnected for the majority of the season and I'd rather the show focus on the relationships between the core four OGs rather than the new pasty white kid on the block. There were fights, deaths, tears and cheating scandals this season but it didn't leave me obsessed like this show used to. After a semi-interesting season, check out our ranking of the season seven cast:
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6. Nema Vand
Ugh. Within one episode of meeting Nema he was already willing to cheat on his girlfriend to get on the show and while I respect his hustle, he's still a pig. The thirst is very real with Nema Vand. Is LA really running that low on wealthy Persians that Nema was the only casting option? This whitewashed Iranian had no connection to his Persian roots and tried his hardest to blend in, in a world full of yellow gold, ghormeh sabzi and Farsi but he stuck out like GG's old nose. He just wasn't interesting and all we learned about his life is that he may or may not fuck his sister and he lives inside Golnesa's rectum. All Nema will be remembered for is his Fatal Attraction-esque obsession with GG and that's sadder than his sagging face.
5. Destiney Rose
Oh, Destiney. Although she tries to be extra and over the top, I like Destiney. She's the best friend with pep you need to get you out of bed when you're going through a breakup and always has a great wig going on. Destiney is fun but there wasn't a lot going on, she didn't have any fights, was really good friends with basically the whole cast and was pretty neutral, which is a great quality to look for in a person, but not a reality star. I identified with her searching for her father but even that storyline fell through when they couldn't actually find him, which only left us with her endless crying scenes and Reza trying to get information out of her mother. Along with her father, she also failed to find her perfect guy and got stood up by the one guy she actually decided to go on a date with on-camera. Maybe he was uncircumcised? Although I like Destiney, she hasn't done anything deserving to be higher on the list.
4. Reza Farahan
This was the first season without Reza's moustache, so maybe his mo took all the drama with it. This was a pretty breezy season for the star of the show. He started his shampoo company and got ample amounts of free advertising on the show, helped Mike build his house and had to hear Adam insistently complain about having a baby. Reza has been talking about this baby making storyline for years now and there's still no pitter patter of little feet, so naturally, it's tired and redundant at this point. Nothing was new or surprising with Reza this season, however, his Vegas fight with Mike about saying things on camera was amazing TV and showcased every emotion a human being can have. Reza and his new skinny self also helped MJ get through her dad's death and wedding planning which was beautiful and weirdly funny to watch at the same time when he literally choked on her father. Reza is the core of the show and his confessionals narrate everything going on, however, he didn't give us anything we haven't seen before.
3. Golnesa Gharachedaghi
I'm confused what GG actually did this season? Golnesa is always the girl you can count on to bring the drama and not disappoint but ever since she started smoking weed she's been more peaceful than fucking Budda. Well, a Budda with anger issues. GG did get messy by bringing up Reza and MJ sleeping together on their Big Bear trip which was deliciously awkward and subsequently dropped her drink when they retailiated with bringing Shalom's ex-wife out. GG also *almost* got into a physical fight with MJ which has to be appreciated as well. Golnesa started her weed company this season which is a great idea because there's a lot of pot smokers who watch Bravo and spent most of her time toying with Nema's schoolboy crush. There's no way she actually allowed his pencil dick anywhere near her pretty Persian pussy but she loved the attention and the occasional horny text when she was high. Golnesa was also responsible for filming with Shervin this year which gives her more points because he may be boring but he's fun to look at.
2. Mike Shouhed
Mike sucks. Every season we see Mike treat a different girl like shit and for the seventh installment of the show, it just happened to be his fivehead of a girlfriend Morgan, who dumped him midseason. Mike's a renowned cheater and only keeps his Kardashian lookalike girls around who can cook, clean and suck his dick before he's broken down their soul and is ready to move onto the next girl. His storyline this season was what it's been for the last few years, being an asshole to women which was evident when he ended his relationship with Morgan before the Vegas trip, basically so he could get some THOT ass and had a coked-up bender which resulted in him waking up in a bed which wasn't his and his crazy fight with Reza. Mike is the Ronnie Ortiz-Magro of this crew, he may be an asshole, have a caveman approach to relationships and love cocaine (allegedly) but he is amazing TV and never fails to have a breakdown each season which gives us something to watch.
1. Mercedes Javid
This was MJ's season and everyone else was just a background player. The entire season revolved around her impending nuptials and there were more bullshit pre-wedding events than fights this year, I understand we need to fill the episodes but MJ didn't even try to think of fake names for her parties towards the end. Her relationship with Tommy is raw and real because she puts everything out there and her bachelorette party was the entire focus of the cast trip to Vegas and had more ass on display than a Kardashian Christmas party.
She also feuded with GG in the beginning of the season, giving her the option to be a cunt or not, which was an amazing ultimatum. Along with her wedding, MJ also lost her father during filming weeks before her big day which was devastating for everyone involved and created a sombre void for much of the season, however, it did bring her closer to Vida and mellow her bitchy ways. Mercedes brought it this season by being a central unit amongst the cast, organising her wedding, griefing her father and being entertaining in the process. Mercedes Javid won season seven.
Do you agree with our ranking? Sound off in the comments below!
Shahs Of Sunset airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on LA's flossiest Persians