After the dramatic Jamaica trip, it looks like we are back to boring OC episodes. I want this show to be entertaining and for this cast to work but two surgeries, a dumb game of telephone and Gina's sad casita is not helping the state of affairs on this show. I'm a person who wasn't the biggest fan of Heather Dubrow but it is a time of crisis and we need Fancypants back. She kept Shannon in line, was honest, rich as fuck and kind of acted as the glue in a divided group. Plus, we need to see that fucking house.
From the start of this episode, I already wasn't in the mood. I'm just not. I love this show so much and it hurts me how boring this season has been this year. I miss Brooks and when I want a cancer scammer with teeth Coto Insurance paid for back on reality TV, you know this show is in trouble. Vicki decided to get her 198th surgery this week which was a facelift. Vicki has had about 8 different faces in the 13 years we've known her so does she need to get any more surgery? Her face is pulled tighter than a 7-year-old's knee, can't we call it a day? If Vicki wants a new face, let the bitch have a new face but do we have to watch it?
Same with Shannon. The feng shui enthusiast decided to get her eyelids done to get rid of the saggy skin, which is a great idea because no one wants to get their makeup stuck in the saggy cresses of their face, so good for Shannon, David's monthly allowance needs to go towards something and it may as well be her face. We had to sit through long scenes of both Vicki and Shannon having surgery with them going under anaesthesia and the doctor pocking around for a bit followed by them being wheeled out high as fuck. If I wanted to watch people undergoing surgery with funny confessionals in the background I'd watch Botched. Aw, I miss Terry Dubrow as well. He may have been thirsty as fuck but he's definitely another reason why we need Heather to return.
Apart from all the surgeries, we had a very sad scene with Emily. I'm not ashamed to admit it but I like Emily. She's not the most interesting Housewife we've ever seen but she offers a good perspective in the group, has a juicy family life, an amazing body and threatened to kill someone in her first season. She's not that bad. We got a deeper look into Emily's life when she shared the truth about her mother's mental illness and my empathy for her only deepened when we saw her cry this week about her string of miscarriages and struggles to have children. Emily is raw and vulnerable which I admire, it would take a lot to cry in front of a camera crew and room full of producers. Her little bitch of a husband doesn't want to have any more children, which is fucking stupid. They have embryos in the freezer, enough money and Emily wants another child. Why not?
In 50 years Emily is going to look back and regret never having another child, if they did have another kid would the little bitch look back and regret having it? I would say no but he's an asshole so who knows. The couple had to undergo therapy to talk about Emily's need for a baby where she cried about having five miscarriages and giving birth to stillborn twins at four months while the little bitch just sat there. Um. Giving birth to a deceased baby is probably one of the worst things a person can ever go through and he sat there like she was crying about having to do the dishes. Emily is funny, smart and beautiful and she deserves a lot more than the Mormon little bitch of a husband that she's currently stuck with. The therapist told Emily she needed to open a baby box full of things about the birth of her stillborn twins as a form of closure which is just another dumb therapy task I don't understand. Looking at birth and death certificates isn't going to quench her need of wanting another child, it's just a way for her to cry on camera.
Seeing the tiny hand and feet prints of the twin babies was possibly the saddest thing I've never seen and left me on the verge of tears. I feel bonded to Emily after that scene and I just want to give her a hug. I have so much respect for that woman and I hope she's back for another season so we can explore her past in deeper detail, but she's going to need to cause some drama and maybe threaten to kill someone else on camera to justify her position on the show. Also, I love how Bravo finally cast a woman who isn't a size two, especially in Orange County. Emily is thick with an Ashley Graham body and I'm obsessed with it.
After Emily's sad scenes the only thing to possibly rival the grief I felt was seeing Gina's casita. Wow. It looked like a 12-year-old girl's bedroom and it really shook me to my core. If Gina is still best friends with her soon-to-be ex-husband why can't she sleep in the same house as him? I'm confused. She stressed all season that they're best friends, she made her bed and now she has to lie in it - with her best friend. Until Gina starts being honest about the dissolution of her marriage I'm not interested. I understand she wants to be classy about her divorce for the sake of her children but for the sake of her reality TV career she needs to spill all the dirty details.
Tamra also had an 18th birthday party for her son Spencer who is basically 18 going on 80. He loves politics and history, doesn't drink, smoke or probably even swear and hates the cameras. He's a straight edge which is confusing considering his mother is Tamra Judge who's spent most of her reality TV career running around topless. He's a genuinely good kid and Tamra deserves at least one easy child after all of Ryan's bad boy mess, baby mama drama and her daughter not speaking to her. Out of Tamra's entire family, her mother Sandy is definitely my favourite. She knows how to drink, has an obsession with men named Frank and got involved in Tamra's epic fight with Jeana Keough. Sandy will cut a bitch and I respect that, I know these girls whoop it up but I'm sure Sandy would be much wilder than the tres amigas if a camera crew followed her around.
The drama of this episode was weak at best. Gina and Kelly went to visit Shannon and her black eyes after her surgery and told her how Tamra was talking shit about her during the Jamaica trip. I identify with Tamra that I unintentionally talk shit about my friends. I'm not doing it to be mean or vindictive, I just talk too much and could probably do with a muzzle. Gina was keeping it real by telling Shannon about the shit talking but it definitely helped her secure a storyline for the rest of season because all she had to work with was her dull divorce drama. Gina obviously knew exactly what she was doing and although it was messy, I respect her hustle to stay on the show.
I'm confused which side Shannon is on though because the second Gina left her Newport Beach compound she called Tamra to tell her everything Gina had said. I can't tell if Shannon was angry Gina told her or if she's mad at Tamra for talking shit about her? But I also don't care. It's just another game of telephone and Tamra Judge is the queen of playing that game, no one plays telephone like Tamra and Gina should've known that before she started this round. Naturally, the Telephone Queen was mad at Gina for telling Shannon she talked shit about her. Cool. I see both sides and I understand but I also don't give a fuck. Everything everyone said was coming out of concern for Shannon in Jamaica so there shouldn't be an issue. And Tamra talking behind Shannon's back was obviously going to come out, they're on a reality show. She can't be that mad. I don't know how but yet again somehow we ended another episode where the main conversation was Shannon Beador.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!