There was more filler in this episode than in the Shahs faces. I cannot wait for this fucking wedding to take place. It's been three long months of nothing really happening on this show and while I enjoy my Shahs, I'm ready to have my Thursday nights off. This episode definitely wasn't needed and was just filling the gap before the finale next week but I'm going to try and recap this filler episode with all the snark and shade I usually do.
Who gives a fuck about Nema buying gold? As boring as this episode was I found myself really enjoying it, nothing happened but I was still entertained and I realised it was because we almost got to the end of the episode without a tough Nema scene. Nema's scenes are the worst. He tries way too hard to be Persian from the inside of Golnesa's asshole and I'm over watching it. Couldn't the producers find any actual Persians in Los Angeles because Nema may have been born in Iran but he's whiter than a Dallas Housewife.
I just don't care about him, his fucked up family situation or his failed attempt to try and get in GG's panties. I just don't care. However, in this episode, we had to watch him buy a gold necklace to try and become more Persian. He spent $300 on a gold string to put around his neck, unless he's going to buy a massive yellow gold coin to carry around, I'm not satisfied. Moving forward the producers need to cast actual Persians and not people that have reconnected with their culture because they joined a reality show full of Persian strangers.
Something I do care about is Destiney finding her dad. The private investigator finally got back to her and had the news that her dad isn't in the United States. No shit. He lived in Iran so why is it a surprise that he would still be in America? And why does this mean the search is over? Does Bravo's budget not extend overseas? Couldn't they keep the search going and make the cast trip next year to somewhere in the Middle East so she can meet her dad like they did with that Turkey trip? If I was Destiney I wouldn't feel satisfied "knowing that he loves me" because leaving your family to go start another one in Iran isn't love. The mother probably has his address in a book that's filed away somewhere and she'll take that shit to the grave, which is sad for Destiney and her relationships because her absentee father has already fucked her up so much.
Also, shouldn't she find her father just to make sure she doesn't procreate with any of her siblings? What if she has a hot brother with tattoos and a circumcised dick who's now living in America who she meets, fucks and marries and they only discover they're related once she has a kid with three arms. That's an issue and she should keep the search going for that issue alone. He's definitely out there somewhere and like Destiney, I'm not going to be happy until we find out what happened. I'm too invested in this storyline to turn back now. I think the lesson we learn from this is that all men are pigs. I don't care if you graduated from Harvard and you come from a nice family, if you have a penis you are therefore a pig. I'd just encourage Destiney to be a lesbian but we all know she likes her circumcised meat.
Everyone on this show is trying to push their products and I feel like I'm watching a 40-minute infomercial. Reza has his shampoo, Mike wants to build condos and GG is still working on her weed product. Reza had a party to celebrate him making shampoo. It wasn't his launch party or celebrating him making money from the product. No, no. It was just a party to celebrate the shampoo coming to life. Is shampoo really the way to get rich quick? Kenya Moore is still trying to push her haircare in Atlanta and I don't think it was those checks that paid for Moore Manor.
Reza's dark packaging looks a tad cheap and I want him to sell enough gold shampoo to have 100 babies, but it doesn't seem like the smartest reality TV money strategy, however, I did see him selling his products on Evine which is the best move you can make because home shopping is the best way to start swimming in coin, just ask Lisa Fucking Rinna. I want Reza to have all the success in the world, but just because his business partner has a Beverly Hills mansion and a diamond necklace doesn't mean he's going to be a success because I'm sure Reza has had more than enough pearl necklaces in his day and look where he is.
Aside from Nema buying gold, Destiney crying about her dad and everyone else trying to hawk their businesses, the main star of this show is still MJ and her impending wedding. Two days before MJ's wedding she decided to get a vampire facial that didn't look very bloody at all. Vampire facials are one of those reality TV activities that are overdone on every single show like doing to a pole dancing class, last year it was the escape room and this year it seems to be going into those rooms where you just destroy shit. There's always different reality TV fads but vampire facials are always an old faithful. She looked the same before and after the facial but I guess the producers just needed content to fill the episode up.
Destiney accompanied her to the appointment which made me stop and think: are MJ and Reza even friends with GG? They've been cordial to each other at parties all season but they haven't really had a relationship. Reza, MJ and Mike have been hanging out together on one side while GG's scenes have been mostly with the cling-ons Shervin, Nema and Destiney. They're obviously not outright feuding but ever since MJ asked Golnesa if she was going to be a cunt their relationship has been very surface level.
To end the episode, MJ had a non-rehearsal dinner with family and friends. Nothing really happened there either except for Tommy telling her to shut the fuck up because her speech was too long. MJ's latest wedding storyline was asking Vida for her blessing to marry Tommy. It's the DAY before the wedding I think if Vida had some concerns she would've voiced them by now. Vida has actually become a decent human being since Shams' death and she likes Tommy way more than she does her own daughter, so why wouldn't she give them her blessing?
This was just another scene filler and a waste of time. This wedding can't come soon enough. On the day of MJ's wedding, she woke up, had breakfast, went for a swim and just enjoyed her day. Is she going to be late for her own wedding? No shit. Is it her day and her choice? Yes. Seeing MJ dive in the water like a cupcake was definitely the best part of this entire filler episode. THANK GOD the wedding is next week because this season has been stretched out harder than a rubber band.
Shahs Of Sunset airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the flossiest Persians in LA!