Shannon is fucking sour.
Sorry, this weeks' shade is SOOO late into the day but a bitch needs to sleep. I love Shannon Beador because she's played such an integral part in the direction the OC has gone in with her fucked up marriage, comedic ways and amazing ability to pop off at anybody within 10 metres of her. However, as much as I love and respect her time on the show, this season she has been sourer than a lemon and I am in need of some water to get rid of the shitty aftertaste.
When Shannon started the show her husband stupidly also started an affair the very next day which paved the way for a lot of awkward fights in front of other people. Heather Dubrow knew about his cheating ways through mutual friends which was the REAL cause of their season nine fighting and the reason Shannon and her skinny arms were on edge every second the day. Shannon was so fragile you could've knocked her over with Lisa Rinna and her entire season nine behaviour was reactionary from David's cunty ways. If there's one thing we know about Shannon it's that she'll always put her issues with David on everyone else - except David. We should really thank David because without him being a shitty human being we probably wouldn't have gotten half the iconic blowups that we have.
After Shannon's rough, yet well-received first season, she gained a little weight for her season 10 once her husband's cheating ways were finally revealed in the premiere. David's cheating and Brooks' cancer were basically Shannon's two storylines for that season and they served her well. However, season 11 was her best season yet and why? Because she was finally happy. We've never seen Shannon happier than when David finally gave her the attention she deserved with their vows renewal and that weird Hawaiian trip where we almost saw David's (small) dick in the pool. Shannon's happiness was coupled with her feuds with Kelly and Vicki which was the reason she was so enjoyable to watch. She was funny, relatable, giving us iconic reality TV fights but also had a positive outlook on life and didn't seem like she needed to be placed on suicide watch. She was happy and we were all happy for her.
In hindsight, the Ireland bus accusation was what destroyed Shannon and it's been hard for her to come back from it. She's STILL facing the affects. She stressed out about the world hearing that her husband beat the shit out of her, gained some weight which repulsed David and made him check out of the marriage for good, which is one of many examples of what a truly disgusting person David Beador is.
Season 12 was rougher than a camel's dick. Do camels have rough dicks? Well, for the purpose of this recap they definitely do. She was popping off on any and everybody to come into her wake (Kelly, Lydia, Vicki, Peggy, Tamra) and yes it gave us several entertaining moments and Shannon's unstable emotions were probably the only saving grace of season 12 but she wasn't happy. She was deep in a hole filled with depression, cake and alcohol, and the David divorce announcement seemed to be a light at the end of a four-year tunnel of fuckery, but oh were we wrong.
After being cheated on, renewing her vows and relapsing into an unstable place Shannon finally had the chance to be happy but the weight from her divorce just pushed her to become Sad Sack Shannon and it's not only hard but it's fucking annoying to watch someone complain about their life when they live in a 4000 square foot house in Orange County with three beautiful daughters, a massive child support income and a steady reality TV career. Life can't be that hard, she's not a single mother in Oklahoma with 14 jobs just to pay for her shitty apartment. No. Shannon should count her blessings and call it a day, but she just doesn't have the sight to get out of her own way. Watching Shannon is just sad. Every scene she's in feels like a funeral commercial.
If you watch Shannon's behaviour through the seasons they were all based on David's happiness. When David was happy, Shannon was happy which has turned out to be one season out of the five and even in her divorce she's STILL letting David's emotions affect her. David is a pig, she shouldn't care what he thinks and the best revenge to get back at an asshole ex is happiness, just ask Tamra Judge. Shannon can't find a positive about anything. If you say she looks good, she only had 20 minutes to get ready. If she's making food, she didn't have enough time to make the food she actually wanted. If you tell her she's lost weight, she'll grab her fat. And if you tell her to get back out onto the dating scene she'll bring up David dating again. JUST TAKE A COMPLIMENT SHANNON! Surely it's not feng shui to be a sour bitch all the time.
Does Shannon need medication? Yes. Do I think she'll get it? Fuck no. She's too manic and erratic and it's past the point of being fun anymore, it's just eye-roll inducing and that is when you know a reality star's career may be over. When you no longer have a fuck to give about anything they have to say or do then Bravo is probably feeling the same way. Shannon's complaining and hating the new girls are weighing the show down is just getting it stuck in this stagnant pattern that's hard to get out of, I feel like the show is stuck on a hamster wheel full of Shannon screaming "I'M DONE! FUCKING DONE!" and complaining about her weight. Shannon was far too skinny in her first season and she seems to be a healthy weight now, she looks better than ever and I'm sick of hearing her complain about being fat. She's not Mama June, she needs to chill the fuck out.
My advice for Shannon moving forward is to let your hair down, drink as much tequila as you can, be positive and don't think about anything David is up to. Stay in your own lane, focus on the positives and just be season 11 Fun Shannon because no one likes watching rich people complain. Shannon was once the fan favourite but Kelly Dodd and her little bitch calling ways swooped in and stolen it right from under her while Shannon was too busy not grabbing her frozen fish out of the QVC oven.