Like the inside of Shannon's brain, this episode once again revolved around Shannon Beador. I'm not complaining about it because it's the best thing going for this show right now but if Shannon doesn't start having fun, taking tequila shots, running around naked and starting to actually enjoy being alive then I think her days on this show could be over. Orange County Housewives always have fun, however boring the show may be. These ladies have livers of steel and the injuries to prove it so Shannon either needs to start having fun or just get used to selling fish being her sole income.
I like Shannon. Does she look and sound completely different than she did in her debut season? Fuck yes, but Season 1 Shannon wasn't a happy person. She was unstable, too skinny and in a bad marriage with a cheating husband and five years later she may no longer have a cheating husband and gained some weight but she's still unstable. I don't want to focus on Shannon because this isn't a Shade of the Week article, it's a recap, but it's hard to not focus on her when she's the only topic of discussion. For the beginning of the episode, she was in hiding while the rest of the ladies climbed waterfalls and fell over. This group are amazing at physical comedy. I could watch 40 minutes a week of these ladies falling over, getting stuck in high ropes courses and breaking their limbs because they are so good at it. Emily, Gina, Kelly and Vicki climbed a waterfall and it was a bigger mess than Shannon's impending divorce.
Who doesn't love seeing women over 40 falling on their faces in water? ABC comedies wish they could deliver the comedy these OC bitches have given us this season. I would've preferred if these women were just drunk messes all season, falling all over the place, injuring themselves and giving us some good comedy moments. Yeah, the Mexico trip was fun but that was where the entertainment stopped. For the majority of the season, all anyone argued about was a little Mormon bitch who can't even see over a cocktail table, does that sound entertaining? If these ladies aren't going to fight the way they used to they at least need to act like drunk idiots and give us moments like they did on the waterfall because it's probably the only way we can go forward with this current group.
Thank fuck Shannon didn't climb that waterfall because can you imagine her complaints? And why were there no cameras on Shannon during the day? She could've died and no one would know. Back at the hotel, Vicki started to get worried because Shannon wasn't answering the phone but she's obviously not going to be dead. If she was in a ditch I'm sure a producer would've had a camera there in 36 seconds and the whole world would know, so Vicki and her Jamaican police contacts need to give it a rest. Apart from the epic blow up last week, did anything happen on this trip? Don't get me wrong the second night was LEGENDARY and saved most of the season, I'm just trying to think what else these bitches got up to. Drinking beer in a dirty river?
Finally, Shannon resurfaced in an air-conditioned villa alive and well with her low bun. I understand the humidity must have been through the roof on this trip but Shannon's low bun is personally offensive and it doesn't help her case of being a mental patient. Vicki, of all people, had to retrieve the feng shui enthusiast from her villa and drag her out to dinner where she didn't even acknowledge the mess she left for everyone to clean up the following day. Shannon really needs to redeem herself because she is a sad boring bitch and this is Bravo not OWN, nobody wants to watch that. It's like there's a tiny storm cloud that follows Shannon everywhere she goes and I'm sick of the fucking rain. Maybe if she got rid of the cloud her hair would be better? Just a thought. I can't even remember if anything happened at the dinner. Shannon said she hates Gina because she's having the divorce she wishes she had and Tamra tricked Kelly into taking a shot of mustard.
The next morning Shannon and Tamra finally had their sitdown and I think their problems were resolved? I'm not really sure. Tamra told her she needs to be more positive and pointed out how she speaks to her like shit and doesn't ask her about Eddie's heart problems even though Tamra is always there for her and supports her through everything, to which Shannon replied by saying: I'm sorry if you feel that way. An IF apology is the most textbook Housewives apology there is and surely Shannon is a seasoned professional enough to know that an apology like that is basically a fuck you. Shannon's acting like an asshole. She isn't intentionally acting like a dick but she is. She just needs to apologise, get out of her own way and start being there for her friends the way they are for her. It's always The Shannon Show and it's starting to make me want to change the channel. She's too much, too sad and needs to start having fun again. Can we get Season 11 Shannon back because that was the BEST form of Mrs Beador that we've seen.
While Tamra and Shannon had their heart to heart, Emily opened up about growing up with a depressed mother and how Shannon is a reminder of her. Emily's childhood was lonely and she practically raised herself due to her mother's depression which is always sad to hear. Everybody needs their mother's love and everybody needs to have that relationship in their life so when you don't you always have that scar on your heart forever. We've seen it with Kenya Moore and countless other Housewives and it's sad that so many people have to grow up without a mother figure in their life. I feel a lot closer to Emily after her revelation and I have a much deeper understanding of her, no wonder she wants another daughter so bad. Thank fuck Emily decided to share this and if she comes back for a second season I definitely think reconnecting with her mother will be her storyline.
Nothing else really happened. Kelly bought a penis lighter, Gina and Shannon kissed and Vicki twerked for the world to see. Vicki doesn't really twerk, she just kind of moves her ass around. If you're going to twerk the fat on your ass needs to wobble up and down while the rest of your body stays still, however, I've never liked Vicki more than I did on this trip and if her failed attempt at twerking makes her more likeable then she should keep it going.
I'm on the fence with how I want this show to go forward. I like all the women, besides Vicki, but this season was dryer than Shane's absent sense of humour. In a dream world, I'd want all the ladies back with the addition of Heather Dubrow, but I don't know the likelihood of that happening. We need more drama and we need way more fun for next season but I don't think another recast is the answer. Whenever there's a massive cast overhaul it takes a while for everyone to settle and if Bravo axe half the cast and bring in new girls, we are going to be in for another boring season. I say we keep everyone, bring in another Housewife and let the relationships between the existing ladies marinate because the deeper their relationships the better the show and bringing in three new girls next year is only going to set the show back.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!