I don't know if we've ever seen a group of taglines this tragic. Why is this show still on? The trailer for The Real Housewives of New Jersey looked juicy but if I had to pick one show to go, it would be this one. The taglines themself suck but the opening credit arrangement does too, can't they reshoot a cohesive opening formation together because this is tough to look at. It's uneven, the newbies are lost at the back and it looks like they tried to do the new aged standing shot by failed. Ugh. Anyway here we go
Let's break these weak taglines down below!
Margaret Josephs: "I can make you laugh, or make you cry. Your choice!"
From her position at the top of the taglines and sharing centre spot with Teresa, the producers are obviously trying to make Marge the Erika Jayne/Shannon Beador/Dorinda Medley of the group. And I'm here for it. She's one of the best newbies we've ever had but this tagline makes her seem like a cocky bitch. I like it but it's weak. Meh.
Melissa Gorga: "Don’t try to bully me, because I’m a boss"
Are you fucking kidding me? Hasn't she already done this one? How is she the boss, she's been on this show since season three and she's lost to the side of the opening sequence. This just sucks and it would be one thing if she were a boss but the only thing she owns is Envy and she couldn't even stop a crazy bitch from stealing all her clothes.
Jackie Goldschneider: "I have four kids, two degrees and one kick ass life”
It's a tagline not a maths class. Sit the fuck down and make me laugh, don't make me think about numbers. I already don't like this new girl already. Also, anyone who says they have a good life obviously cries in the bathroom.
Dolores Catania: "I’ll never put up a tough front, but I’ll never leave you behind.”
How times have changed. This tagline was possibly the worst and I didn't even realise she started saying it until half way through. Even Dolores gave up on finishing her tagline. She used to be my favourite in this city but it seems like she's fallen off the face of the earth this season. She needs to call Danielle a scumbag again pronto!
Jennifer Aydin: "I’m obsessed with family, traditions and Chanel”
Ew. What's up with these new girls and their lists for taglines. Give me a sassy pun and call it a day, don't fucking drag it on. Maybe she could've talked about looking like Jacqueline Laurita 2.0
Teresa Giudice: “These days I don’t throw punches, I roll with them.”
No. Just no. Didn't she have the same one about tables? The producers couldn't even be bothered to think of new taglines so they just cut out a word and called it a day. And I'd rather her throw punches because the only one she's rolling with is Joe being deported and we all know she's not going with him.
Who's tagline is your favourite? Check out the video above and judge for yourself! Sound off in the comments!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres November 7th at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.