Who The Shahs Of Sunset Would Be On Jersey Shore

October 19, 2018

Due to my birthday I'm can't recap tonight's Shahs Of Sunset episode with my usual snark and shade, however, in lieu of me taking the night off to get totally and utterly fucked up I decided to match up the two shows that air on Thursday and list who the Shahs would be as the Jersey Shore cast. They are basically just the Persian version of those GTL fanatics with their intense drinking skills and epic fighting ways while also pushing 40 in the process.

 

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Reza Farahan = Pauly D

This was a tough matchup but stay with me on this one. Both of these guys are the stars of their respective shows and their hilarious confessionals basically play the role of the narrator in their groups. They both provide us with the comedic relief we need from these shows and are amazing with shitting on their friends but Reza is way more vindictive and bitchy than Pauly who is like a shining fresh orange light who just provides us with funny commentary. Both reality stars also use hip phrases, however, the DJ doesn't refer to the majority of his castmates as bitches. 

 

Mercedes Javid = Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Just as Reza and Pauly are the male stars of their shows, Snooki and MJ are the female leads. Both of these ladies are relatively short, they know how to drink and are both obsessed with being mothers (even if Mercedes hasn't officially given birth yet.) MJ and Snooki have spent the majority​ of their reality TV careers drunk, which has also largely contributed to their rise to fame because who doesn't love watching a hot drunk mess? They've both gone through their own body image struggle in the public eye and are now huge advocates for body confidence. They need their own budding duo comedy film.

 

Golnesa Gharachedaghi = Jenni "JWOWW" Farley

This matchup​ writes itself. GG and JWOWW both have cute little nicknames that you can't forget and they are definitely the cast members on each show that you do not want to fuck with. We've seen both of them get into several physical altercations but have slightly calmed down over the years whether it was due to having children or smoking weed. Golnesa is literally the Persian JWOWW as they've both had their fair share of relationship drama from Shalom marrying her for a green card and everything Jenni and Roger have been through and they've also both been open about their pasts with drugs. Peas in a pod.

 

Mike Shouhed = Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

Mike running around coked up in the Vegas episode was the entire basis of this article because I finally realised that he is the Ronnie of Shahs Of Sunset in more way than one. Both guys have been embroiled in several cheating scandals during their reality TV careers and they are both the hot messes among their respective group. There's always an issue going on with them, typically relationship drama which is always at the root of their conflict with the rest of their costars. And they both share a deep love of cocaine, THOTs, mental breakdowns and lying on camera even though we already know the truth.

 

Destiney Rose = Deena Nicole Cortese

Destiney and Deena are the new girls on their shows whose names both start with D and always try to be extra to try and secure their places on their shows. We don't NEED either girl but it's nice to have them around and they both fit cohesively into their shows due to their long friendships with Reza and Snooki, respectively. They are natural fits in their shows full of drinking and fighting but they don't have that much going on to have anything else in common.

 

Nema Vand = Vinny Guadagnino

Nema and Vinny are both the annoying pale guys on their two shows. Their presence isn't really needed due to them always sitting in the background and allowing all their tan costars to take centre stage, however, Vinny is a way bigger douchebag than Nema but that may be due to the whitewashed​ Persian having the personality of a grape. They also play the role of the smart character with witty confessionals about their costars but no one cares or notices because they spend a considerable amount of time up Golnesa and Pauly's asses.

 

Do you agree with our pairings? Sound off in the comments below!

 

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