I wish his face still looked like that.
Ever since The Situation plead guilty to tax evasion in January it was always my plan to make him Shade of the Week when he was sentenced and luckily for me there's more than enough shadeworthy content to dissect and now it's even juicer that this post just happens to coincide with fellow reality TV star turned inmate Joe Giudice being officially deported to prison next year. What is it with reality stars not paying their taxes and trying to pull shady financial games we've had: The Giudices, Abby Lee Miller, Apollo Nida and now The Situation. Should someone start running a night school to teach reality stars basic financial skills?
Mike was sentenced to eight months in prison which sounds like nothing, but I've seen OITNB and we are in season seven and Piper only just got out, so although it sounds short it's going to be a long stretch for The Situation and his puffy face. The worst part of prison for him will definitely be the lack of food which is obviously why he's been stuffing his face like a dead man walking for the last two seasons of Jersey Shore Family Vacation and I would do the EXACT same thing if I knew I was going to have a cellmate called Bubba who loves when you drop the soap. If you think about it Mike's thought process about his food situation was smart, he got to eat as much as he could and now he has his own built-in prison diet and will have nothing else to do except work out.
Although Mike probably has changed by living a sober life and getting engaged, the Jersey Shore reunion was the best PR that didn't work to try and show the world (and the judge) he had changed but obviously, it didn’t. Eight months is such an insignificant space of time, is it even worth him packing his bags to go to prison, as a general rule people spend more time in their life shitting then Mike will spend sitting in prison. His newfound Big Daddy Sitch persona is cute (I couldn't find another word) but if you watch the vintage Jersey Shore seasons he was an asshole and not just an asshole but a dirty one after someone had diarrhoea and forgot to wipe. Mike sucked, he fucked over girls, caused drama in the house, was vain as fuck and was an obvious addict so maybe this is his karma for being a total cunt for all those years.
Not only is he different on the inside but his outside is a completely different human being. It's weird to think the GTL loving, tanned, semi-good looking asshole is the puffy filler faced man we see before us today. Maybe the real Mike died but they were so desperate for a reunion they hired his chubbier cousin to join the show because he is unrecognisable. He always looked like Popeye but now he could seriously play him in a live action movie with those puffy cheeks and nose, seriously if they make a movie and The Situation wasn't the star I think we can all agree he was robbed of the role he was BORN to play.
Apart from his looks and behaviour changing do we think he could add his sexual orientation to that list? Eight months is short but you never know he could be gay for the stay, sometimes you just need a blowjob and with your eyes closed, Leroy on cell block B could easily be your fiance Lauren. From our extensive reality TV viewing, we've learned Mike obviously loves pussy and he loves it a lot, however, maybe he'll be a late in life gay which is definitely the only thing juicer that can happen to a person apart from going to federal prison. Can you imagine how incredible it would be if Mike came out of prison arm and arm with Leroy and shocked the world with a People exclusive about his late in life love? I could retire the blog then because there will never be anything more juicy than that.
To make sure we hear about this situation again and again the Jersey Shore cameras were once again filming for the third instalment of the reunion show. How many vacations can this group go on? They need to try and make his into a Housewives show where they can all stay at home and just attend parties because I don’t know how much more we can see these guidos pushing 40 acting surprised when they see each other in their latest house. Deena posted a photo with cameras two days before the sentencing and the entire cast were outside the court on the day and there’s no way the entire cast would be there if they weren’t being paid. Although some people may think it’s corrupt and fucked up for the cameras to be rolling during this rough time I’m glad they are because if we didn’t get to see this I would be pissed. THEY OWE US! Apparently they also plan to get married before he goes away and there is no way that wedding is going to be paid for without MTV.
Whether you agree or not that Mike should be going to prison we have rules in place for a reason so people do not cheat the system and The Situation admitted to breaking those rules so I’ll guess we’ll see him in eight months and hopefully, for his fiancés sake, we get the old Situation body back with the new interior.