Married To Medicine Recap: Tacky T

September 10, 2018

We are only two episodes in and we've already seen most of the events that occurred in the trailer which can only mean two things, either that's all we are going to get or there are terrors in this season we haven't even thought of yet. With this show, I'm going with option two because they know how to deliver some reality TV realness and rely on drama in order to get their renewal, which is when you get the best TV.

 

We picked with Heavenly and her spiritual journey speaking to Daddy about Mariah accusing him of cheating. If I hear her talk about that fucking spiritual journey one more time I'm going to go for a moustache ride on Daddy so that she kills me because I can't deal with it anymore. Daddy may be monotoned but that was a man who got caught red-handed, with his pants down or whatever cliche you want to insert when his wife brought up the cheating. Thank god he's got a darker hue to his skin because a pale person would've been redder than a fucking fire truck.

 

Sure, Daddy might be a nice guy but do I think Heavenly is the only person he's been operating on after hours? Fuck no. Heavenly is going to do everything she needs to hide Daddy's possible affairs on the side even if it means befriend Mariah because she's seen what happened with Quad and Jackie when your husband sticks it in every 25-year-old who can throw it back and Heavenly isn't going to let her family get caught up in a cheating scandal. 

 

Let's believe what we want but if there's suddenly an ATL THOT who ends up dead on the news, let's start our investigation with Heavenly Kimes. She even said herself she's the type of girl who would blame the woman for sleeping with her husband because the man can't help himself. Nope. As much as you want to be mad at a slut with TV titties and big hoop earrings you can't, the man is the person you have vows with and no one crawled on top of him and forced him to cheat on his wife. It takes two to tango and if you are going to get angry with the side piece instead of your man and not allowing anyone with a vagina to enter into conversation with him, you are cheating yourself harder than he is. 

 

Miss Quad and her wigs are still on the outskirts of this group and it's sad to watch. I excused her from not being part of the group last week because I assumed the Dr G cheating scandal would be too traumatic to talk about on camera and she needed a couple of weeks to get into the swing of filming again so imagine my shock horror when I see Quad sitting up on my screen with her new Sister Circle friends talking about her cheating husband. If you are on a show to film with one group of girls, then film with them, don't use your secondary friends to talk about your problems because you look like an asshole and no one cares to learn the names of your two wannabe View cohosts of a show that will probably be cancelled by the time this conversation is over. 

 

Obviously talking about the cheating issue isn't the reason she's not filming with her old friends, it's because she said they judged her and turned their backs. Aren't this the same girls who have been inviting her to events all season that she keeps declining? She's a premium shade thrower which I'm obsessed with but Miss Quad is great at playing the victim when she needs and it's more exhausting than watching a fat person walking up a flight of stairs. I want to be on Team Quad but she needs to take accountability for her own actions and film with her respective friendship groups on the right shows because if she wouldn't take Toya onto the Sister Circle, she can't take her nameless costars around Married To Medicine cameras. 

 

While Quad ignored her friends and Heavenly may or may have been dismembering her husband's side piece in a factory in downtown Atlanta to save her family from the Married To Medicine cheating curse, CONE-tessa and her new wig were saving her daughter from choking by hitting her like a raggedy Anne doll. Is this how a doctor is supposed to save a life because it is going to make me concentrate a lot more on my chewing. Not even a minute after CONE-tessa had finished pounding the shit out of her daughter to prevent her from choking, the daughter was back running like Usain Bolt. Wow, CONE-tessa even managed to make a near-death experience boring.

 

To celebrate Toya's birthday she decided to throw a kinky doctors and nurses party to celebrate her husband's promotion from months ago instead of celebrating her birthday. Did Tacky T just do something for a human being who isn't herself on HER birthday? Either Toya really wanted to get laid that night or she's becoming a more considerate person and for reality TV reasons, I hope it's the first option because Toya's selfish ways are what drive this show because her storyline last season was that her husband won't fuck her because he's masterbating too much.

 

Like Halloween, this party was the perfect excuse for the girls to dress up like slutty nurses and completely get away with it. While the scrubs would've been a comfortable costume to wear to the party, the best part of the gathering was that the shots were in actual medical shots. That's probably the smartest thing Toya has ever done and I'm glad it revolved around alcohol.

 

Earlier in the episode, Simone gave Cecil a shitty "sexy poster" of her which was probably the least sexy thing I've ever seen. She was covered up, doing her usual toothy smile and looked like she was posing for a QVC commercial. Simone needed to take her nurse outfit, find a wind machine, take some sexy shots and give those to her husband if she wants toresuscitate her marriage. However, Simone could give Cecil a scrapbook of photos with her legs behind her ears and they still wouldn't be having sex because she always wants more than Cecil can give her and they are too stubborn to change. I want these guys to work out but when you rely on skyping with your therapist to help your marriage keep moving while you live in separate houses and don't really want to spend time together, it's time to move on. Maybe they can at least try and fake a reconciliation until the little kid with goggles goes to college.

 

Dr G was absent from the party, as he should be, but as usual, the men got involved and we all expressing sympathy for Dr G. Nope. Not today. He is the one that cheated and his WIFE is the starring character on this show, not him, so there's no reason for Greg and his squeaky voice to attend any party and there's definitely no reason for Curtis of all people to be defending him. That 6"7 piece of chocolate barely got out of last season alive so he needs to sit in the corner, put his readers on and mind his own business because I cannot believe he had the audacity to feel sorry for another cheater while sitting in front of a green screen with the woman he cheated on. These men are really me lose faith in the male species. 

 

Toya and Eugene arrived at their own party and had potentially the worst surprise ever. Eugene didn't realise the party was for him and then didn't really care when it was, but it doesn't matter because Toya found an excuse to have a party on camera and that was all that really matters. CONE-tessa didn't attend because she was with her alcoholic father, which is a copy of Simone's storyline from a few seasons ago and not something I really want to see again but if it's the only storyline CONE-tessa has then we are going to have to sit through it. Casting must be rough in the ATL because I like CONE-tessa and she's good to have as decoration in the background but she's not bringing much else to the table. CONE-tessa is the pot plant of the group.

 

Instead of Toya being understanding of CONE-tessa's absence she made her entire birthday speech about not telling her she was missing the party and then called her on speaker phone to ask where she is, WHILE SHE WAS STILL GIVING THE SPEECH, doesn't she have more important things to talk about instead of finding out where this B-character was? There's nothing like making someone feel uncomfortable at a party they aren't even at. Calling someone to shade them during your speech is messier than a teenager's bedroom and Toya was 100% okay with it.

 

As messy as she may be, at least Toya is able to own it and you have to respect that because there's nothing worse than someone who doesn't own up to their mess *cough* MARIAH *cough*. Toya's total lack of self-awareness and off the charts levels of mess is the reason she's an amazing reality star and after six years on TV, she continued to prove why her nickname is Tacky T.

 

Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!

 

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