Married To Medicine Premiere Recap: Cheaters Anonymous

September 3, 2018

Married To Medicine is one of the best shows on Bravo right now. Andy Cohen once said the perfect recipe for a reality show needs: humour, conflict, something unexpected, heart, emotion and authenticity, and these African American medical miracles are more than delivering on every single one of those fronts as well as giving us shade in their confessionals and the occasional RHOA crossover.

 

We started in medias res with all the women mad at Quad for cutting them out later this season, this show gives the best Emmy worthy montages with its messy editing and I am here for it all day. Dr Greg and his squeaky voice's cheating scandal is the talk of Atlanta thanks to his medical mistress from his reunion confession coming forward to say they both gave each other head and he got her a hotel room but then freaked out and left. Why would he have opened that can of worms at the reunion when he didn't have to and not even tell the whole truth about it? It's weird to think that HE is the psychologist on the show, even Alaura has better advice and wisdom at 12 years old and she didn't spend years in medical school getting a PhD. 

 

Scenes of the medical couples reading the blogs about one of the husband's cheating have almost become as common as a bad wig on this show. First Curtis and now Dr G. Even though the mistress in question may be a whore I believe what she’s saying because giving and receiving head and then trying to find a condom is too specific to make up, but I’m not falling for her trickery that she didn’t know who he was. Are we supposed to believe she sucked his pinky sized dick because she liked his personality? And while we are on the subject of his gherkin, I don’t think that's a surprise to anyone and that’s probably why Quad was so angry for all those years. I do think it was more than suspect that Quad sat by last season and made us think she was mad at Dr G for not taking out the trash while Jackie was going through a cheating scandal when Miss Quad had ALREADY gone through one off camera. 

 

Instead of reaching out to her friends Quad has developed an acute case of NeNe Leakes Syndrome where she gets a whiff of fame on another TV show and thinks she's above the rest of the group. Miss Quad does have a tendency of pushing the ladies away when things get rough and she obviously didn't want to talk about her husband's gherkin being inside another woman's mouth on camera but this is a show about a group of girlfriends, not Miss Quad's Wild Ride, so if she isn't going to open up with her "fake friends" on this show then she should receive a pink slip from Bravo and spend all the time she wants with her real Sister Circle friends. I love Quad and she's easily one of the best shade throwers in Bravo history and an asset to the show but there's no space for a superior attitude on an ensemble show. 

 

After all the deep dark drama surrounding Quad's husband's cheating ways, we got a scene about Toya and Eugene jumping on trampolines. This juxtaposition between is why the show is so good but who else but Tacky T would force their husband to lose weight by jumping around like a sixth grader?

 

What did Jackie do to piss off God because she got breast cancer twice, no kids, a cheating husband and now a life coach? Is a life coach reality TV talk for a therapist because if you need someone to help coach you on how to live your life then we have a problem. Does she need to teach Jackie how to breathe too? The OBGYN is still having trouble trusting Curtis and where he says he is but I don't think he cheated to be an asshole. I hate cheaters with a passion but he wasn't fucking bitches left and right because he was horny and didn't give a shit about his wife, the 6"7 chocolate bar was stepping out because the marriage broke down and he felt lonely. That's no excuse and he still deserves all the shade in the world, however, if the distance and communication in the relationship are fixed then you would think his desire to cheat would be too. 

 

I really wish CONE-tessa was an annoying addition so I could give her the nickname Cuntessa but she’s real, cool, down to earth and quick with the shade. She’s not my favourite amongst the group but she is a good fit. Cuntessa is an excellent shade name though. Everybody wants to be a single mom until they are one. It seems easy and fun but when you have to get up at 5 am to make lunches then sit at home all day watching The View reality sets in, so CONE-tessa is working part-time. Like most second season reality stars, CONE-tessa has majorly stepped up her glam. Yes, she needed a little work on her edges but her highlights and aggressive makeup is too much on her naturally beautiful face. 

 

Cecil and Simone are still trying to save their marriage while living in separate houses. I think Simone still wants a divorce and that reunion makeup was just her putting sticky tape on her fucked up marriage to appease the group, if she wanted to be married she'd sleep in the same bed as her husband not across town, but in order to want to have sex with her husband again she threw a Leather & Lace party to try and get her sexy back.

 

I understand we needed an excuse for a premiere party but who has a party with their friends to bring their sex back, shouldn’t she have a party with her husband? You can't fake sexual chemistry, it's literally like an erection, you can't force yourself to be hard and right now this marriage is a limp penis. Everyone knows hate sex is the best sex, so if you don't want to fuck your husband when you hate him, there's more than a problem. Cecil and Simone are the power couple of this show but if it's not working then sign the papers and stay in your respective north and south houses. 

 

It feels good that for the first time in a long time Mariah hasn’t began the season with shouting “I’MMM BACCKKK” I guess she finally met the criteria of getting along with enough ladies to finally get her full-time gig back because we know she was scrambling to be friends with everyone from Boring Ass Lisa Nicole to Tacky T to return to being the nucleus of this group. As a result Mariah and her full-time position walked into this season with a leather catsuit and a whip to solidify her place in the group, which was probably needed after Quad was MIA from this event because she had reserved the night to give herself affirmations in her guest bathroom mirror with a camera crew filming her while Dr Greg stroked his gherkin upstairs.

 

Along with the Bedroom Kandi product placement in the background and the sex tips from the sex therapist, the Heavenly and Mariah beef was reignited at the Leather & Lace party. Yes, there’s a deep hatred because the doctor shaded Mariah’s messy mother, however, the shade they throw at each other is premium level and each lady can read each other like a nerd can read Harry Potter. I don’t know if Heavenly giving Mariah her fat Hawaii picture to make up for defacing her reunion poster was supposed to be shade or if the wannabe nucleus just took it the wrong way but I was not ready for Mariah to insinuate that Daddy was possibly the next Dr G. Does this group need to start a Cheaters Anonymous with Darren, Curtis, Greg and now DADDY?

 

This is our third year into Heavenly's spiritual journey and if it takes this long to be a better person then she should just stick with her third grade "Yo Mama" comebacks and "coffee" drinking because I don't see it getting any better and if she needs to pull a wig, then goddamit just let her pull one. 

 

Do I think Daddy cheats? Maybe, but I also think Mariah needs to remain relevant on this show. Heavenly and Mariah’s street gossip isn’t always accurate but judging from the dentist's reaction I kinda believe it. When you're submissive to your man every minute of the day then it makes them think you're weak and they know you’ll stay through everything. Just look at Khloe and Tristan. You’ve got to show your man that you’ve got a backbone and even then it’s not guaranteed they won’t fuck the next thing they see with tits. Somehow after Mariah accused Daddy of cheating and tried her best to get a fight started with the dentist, the group was still able to come back together to discuss Miss Quad's absence which is definitely going to be a storyline this season. Wow, you know things are bad when Mariah is in the group more than Miss Quad. 

 

Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!

 

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