This has to be the worst dressed reunion ever. Apart from none of these looks even slightly following a theme or matching in any way, each individual look is less than satisfying and I can't believe Bravo let them wear these ensembles on national TV. Did Steve Wonder do the dress design? Were the camera crew stoned? Because how else do you explain the monstrosity of these reunion looks. I can't even think of what the theme could be? Every dress is a different colour, completely different style and material, was the theme get drunk and go shopping? Eh, the one positive of this fashion clusterfuck is that I have more than enough content to fuel this shady ranking!
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6. Gizelle Bryant
All these outfits scream what the fuck, but this one especially. Why? Who hurt you Gizelle? Apart from this dress being the colour of Shrek's cum, the material looks like that of a cheap 80s bridesmaids dress and the turtleneck/cape mess doesn't do anything for her face especially since she has a tight pony. Wouldn't you let the hair down to at least distract from this fucked up dress? And what is up with that weird midsection? It's pointless and it only extenuates the fugliness of the look and serves as much purpose as Robyn. None. How can you call yourself the word of the street and wear something that looks like it belongs in a blind superheroes wedding?
5. Robyn Dixon
Nope. Not today. It's almost like Robyn is trying to test how much we can take from her. On top of her boring personality and overall dullness, she decided to end the reunion looking like the drag queen ugly stepsister from Shrek. Wow. Did both the Green-Eyed Bandits draw their reunion look inspiration from the same children's movie? Her linebacker physique and this skin-tight purple dress are good on their own but together she looks like a WWE wrestler at an award show. I have a sneaky suspicion Juan may be her stylist because whoever cut her hair and made her wear this dress obviously has a very strong hatred towards her. At least Robyn's stayed true to herself with this reunion look: trying way too hard and looking like a mess doing so.
4. Monique Samuels
How the fuck could this dress fit into the same theme as any of the other dresses, maybe in Karen Huger's alternate universe but not in mine. Mrs Samuels is so naturally stunning with her beautiful face, consistent weaves and great fashions but come on Monique, what the fuck is this dress? She looks like an African Queen with her little bump, braided bun and all those circles but I can't escape the thought that this dress is what Candiace's fiance's penis actually looks like. I appreciate what Monique tried to do but this look has way too much going on and if she took away all the mess around her neck and shoulder then I actually think she could've won best dressed. Better luck next year!
3. Candiace Dillard
Just like the pageant princess' personality this dress is loud, youthful and a little too extra. She looks like a black Belle who's vacationing in Saint Trope. This look would be hot if she was walking down a runway, standing in the wind or lounging by a pool but sitting down it just looks like she's wearing an outfit from one of Kenya Moore's garage sales at Moore Manor. I actually like how Candiace tried to dress like a gay Big Bird and she looks cute but the material looks cheap, it's not really Housewives reunion worthy and I have no idea how she followed the theme if there was one because they all look like they dressed up as one of Karen's multiple personalities. Maybe that was the theme?
2. Ashley Darby
The Green-Eyed Bandit's messy intern looks like a budget Disney princess with a bad wig but I cannot decide which one. Maybe a light skin Elsa because she needs to let go of her geriatric husband, obsession with Karen, messy ways and all those excess beads on that dress. She is also giving me Cinderella vibes, which coincidentally could be her storyline for next season because she has to run away from her rich husband at the stroke of midnight and go back to her cheaper life with numerous rodents and her mama. This dress is so extra and over the top but her hair and makeup don't go with it at all, it's like putting a diamond ring around a hotdog.
1. Karen Huger
After having questionable wig choices and an indirect beef with her stylist all season it's ironic that the Grand Dame Deficit is the best dressed at this reunion which doesn't mean a lot because all these dresses looked like they were purchased with a Groupon from a sad party store's closing sale. Karen must've been saving up her allowance from the Black Bill Gates because she finally got herself a good wig, nice jewellery and a recycled decomposed wedding dress. This looks like the interior lining of a wedding dress with a veil attached to the back. Congratulations on Mrs Huger on slaying on the one day where it really matters and managing to keep those titties in because they look about three seconds from popping out and showing us Karen's real La Dame.
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Maryland ladies.