RHOP Recap: Broke Tina Knowles

July 23, 2018

We are still in France and the drama is still raging on. The problem I have with this show is that the drama is good and entertaining but I just don't like the majority of the women. They don't have the magic of their sister cities talent and most of the women just suck. The Green-Eyed Bandits give me a migraine, I'm disappointed in Ashley for climbing up their asses and renting a small apartment in the crevice of Robyn's muscular buttocks and Charrisse "Eeyore" Jackson-Jordan is one of the most low energy characters on reality TV and fills a weird space in the background. That only leaves Karen, Monique and Candiace and I've still had my reservations about those batches this season as well. 

 

The newbie Candiace is starting to grow on me. I liked her from the start with her boughy life, white fiance with brown genitalia and her semi extra behaviour and while I thought she wasn't experienced enough to run with this crowd, I'm changing my mind, maybe it's from her humour and clap back game around "Brown Dick's" faux nude pics, I don't know. She doesn't need to have children or be married to understand the struggle or fit in with these women. The interesting thing about the Housewives is how a "group of friends" are always comprised with women from different ages and life experience, so Candiace is important to this group and does serve a purpose, even if she doesn't come with the challenges the other girls have faced. After struggling to fit into the group she tried to confront the Green-Eyed Bandits and their asshole puppet Ashley who made Candiace wait to talk while they took a photo and treated their red-headed little step sister. They feel like they can shit on her and are above her which I'm not here for at all. 

 

I'm all for good lighting on Instagram but did they have to be so obnoxious about it? Grand Dame Deficit Karen Huger had to coach the pageant princess into how to confront the girls as she started crying from their mean girl ways. Here's a tip for Candiace: when you are going to bring up an issue, do not cry, it only makes those bitches pounce and double down on their shitty ways when they see tears rolling down someone's face. Her beef with them was that they don't take her seriously and have only seen one side of her, which would've been good for them to say they will try again in the future but the Green-Eyed Bitches just defended their shitty ways instead of just trying to end the conversation. I want Candiace to stay around this group but the majority of them seem like they don't really want her there, maybe they're jealous a young pretty pageant queen took their friend Eeyore's cherry blossom? I don't know, but for season four Candiace needs to try not being so extra and be a more authentic side of herself, owning her princess ways which I think will make her more relatable amongst the women and fans. 

 

Speaking of the girl whose cherry blossom she stole: Charrisse. Ugh. I like Charrisse and her nasally impaired voice but now I definitely understand why she was exiled to a part-time position. Her and Monique once again discussed who wanted to bring Kyndall onto the show but Charrisse continued to deny any responsibility and didn't own it, which is Rule One in the Housewives Playbook. Obviously, Charrisse was still pissed at Gizelle and wanted to ruffle her feathers by bringing her boyfriend's ex onto the show and Monique cosigned because she also wanted to see Gizelle step in shit. It's totally normal in Housewives land to have a sneaky behind-the-scenes plan of attack but their plan is blowing up in their faces and no one (mainly Charrisse) is ready to own up to their behaviour. She just denies any responsibility and wiggles out of situations without getting in trouble but not squashing the issue, it's just confusing watching Charrisse on my screen and she should probably just spend season four in her champagne instead of getting in front of cameras. 

 

Between Candiace's beef with the Green-Eyed Bandits and Charrisse's inability to contribute anything to this show, the ladies continued to fight with Karen. Miss Huger doesn't always tell the truth and tries to hide her life from the cameras, why are they still trying to press the issue? If the ladies know this about her then what's the point of continuing because they aren't going to get anywhere. Karen and Ashley faced off in the car on the way from the winery to their hotel and car fights are definitely the best kinds of Housewives fights. Do I need to remind you of that epic OC car ride? I'm not even sure what they are fighting about at this point. Money and their husbands I guess? Karen's husband the Black Bill Gates obviously spilled some tea about moving to Florida to Ashley's husband off camera and she tried to use it as leverage against Karen which was messy as fuck and just unnecessary. Ashley is so fucking messy she needs Niecy Nash and the cast of Clean House to help fix her life. 

 

As per usual, Karen continued to make memeable moments in this fight which she has done all season long. From calling her marriage an institution to shading Ashley to filth she continued to act in her memeable ways. How does your marriage become an institution? What the fuck does that mean? Is there an online enrollment form you have to fill out and wait in line at DMV? I'm confused. Karen is always attacked about two things: her money and her man, so why the fuck did she take off her wedding ring while on the trip and then make up a fake story about shoving her ring in her "hoo haa" when getting robbed and then claiming that she believed her "hoo haa" was her boobs and not her vagina. What sex ed class did Karen get on that farm?

 

She should be smart enough not to take her wedding ring off around a group of judgmental women and cameras that will come for her over every little thing they see? Does she want the attention? As weird and annoying as it is, Karen's complete lack of self-awareness is the reason that she is my favourite in this city. Side note: as much as I was #TeamKaren in this and all fights, Ashley's shade calling her a Broke Tina Knowles was premium shade and I couldn't be more proud. You can't unsee the resemble now, right? And I also appreciated Candiace randomly getting involved and telling Ashley to "suck a dick" which is probably the best insult of all time and I really think Kristen Doute needs to trademark that shit right now. 

 

After all the fights and drama on this trip, the ladies celebrated the last night in a sad party of seven people by the pool in Great Gatsby/Burlesque costumes which is the most overdone Housewives costume party theme... ever. Seriously, if I have to watch another 1920's themed party on any of these cities I am going to jump in front of ongoing to traffic because it is getting too much. However, in their 20's pool party they all pretended to be best friends in their headbands and Ashley's party city wig even though we all know Gizelle went back to her room to play with her Monique Samuels voodoo doll. 

 

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.

 

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