Southern Charm: Season 5 Cast Ranked

July 12, 2018

This has definitely been the best season of Southern Charm to date. They got rid of the dolphin, the girls united as the Pussy Power Pack, Trashley craziness brought a deeply dramatic factor to the show which wasn't there in the previous slower mellow years and gave everyone a common enemy to hate which always manages to bring a divided group together, and to top off the amazing season, it all played out while Thomas Ravenel was getting called out in the media for his disgusting ways. After this stellar season of television with more than enough subliminal Gwynn's advertising, here is our power ranking of which cast members brought the most and least to the show this season. ​​

 

9. Thomas Ravenel

Do I really need to explain this? The only thing grosser than his relationship with Trashley are the rape allegations which were reported as the season was airing and overshaded his behaviour on the show. He didn't do a lot this season except try to break up with his psycho girlfriend several times but still remains unsuccessful. Bravo didn't let him attend the reunion which basically confirms the Ravenel era of this show is over, however, it doesn't mean his relationship with Trashley is because due to her blackmailing ways and a little sex tape with lesbians and cocaine, she's going to be around for a long time, which is probably worse punishment than prison.

 

8. Cameran Eubanks

After complaining for three seasons about not wanting to get pregnant to her husband who boycotts Bravo cameras at all costs, Cameran finally decided to have a baby which caused her to spend most of the season locked in her house eating Cheetos and even when she did have the baby, we never even saw it. Cam has never been at the centre of any drama and doesn't put her husband or baby on the show which begs the question: why the fuck is she on reality TV? 

 

7. Shep Rose

I guess Shep's storyline this season was breathing? Hardly anyone on this show has a job or a product they try to sell like on other Bravo shows, so it only leaves room for them to sleep in all day and drink beer. The only thing Shep did this season was slowly morph into a Thomas Jr, show the world his pimply ass, have a broken knee and participate in a will-they-won't-they relationship with Kathryn, when we all know they won't. He didn't do a lot except live off a diet of beer, pussy and Peter Pan syndrome which he has done since his debut on the show. I like Shep, but he can't get any higher on this list because he doesn't do shit. 

 

6. Chelsea Meissner

Chelsea is another cast member who doesn't add a lot. This season she was in a stupid love triangle with Austen which was just annoying to watch because they are the Ross and Rachel of this show who need to stop fooling around and be together. We also got a deeper look into her personal life when she opened up about her poor childhood when they visited Hilton Head. Chelsea isn't a key player but she's good to have in the mix and gets points for being a hairdresser which makes her the only person on this show with an actual job.

 

5. Austen Kroll

It's hard to believe this was the best season when the majority of the cast literally did nothing. Austen, however, got his hustle on and tried to launch his own beer, which was the only successful business venture of the whole cast this season. He also, of course, dated Victoria and dealt with her annoying insecurities when he should have been with Chelsea. Austen has so much potential and I just hope that being on the show doesn't transform him from being a showered Shep to an alcoholic in training Shep who hasn't changed at all in five years.

 

4. Craig Conover

Craig is the Sonja Morgan of this show and his ill-fated seamstress career is his toaster oven. Watching Craig stumble around his bachelor pad under construction with his "roommate" Sean was rough but oh so entertaining and although his life is a hot mess and he's a self-confessed compulsive liar, there's something so endearing about the wannabe elderly woman. If he wasn't failing to achieve Patricia's deadlines, meeting with his horny life coach or walking around with a fucked up hand he was fighting with his ex. Craig is the most underrated character on this show and makes the best TV, but if this season proved anything it's that Naomie was 100% justified in breaking up with Craig for being unmotivated. 

 

3. Naomie Olindo

Naomie and her old nose are my personal favourites of this season. Fresh from her breakup with her seamstress ex, the French cast member was ready to roast anyone who came her in way which is ideal when you're on reality TV. Seeing her decimate JD and Peyton elevated her to become the HBIC of the Pussy Power Pack and I don't know if I'll ever get over her calling out a girl she had just met for being a whore while she was dressed as a unicorn. Iconic. Although she spent most of the season yelling, she wasn't all combative and her tracking of Craig and friendships with the girls made her relatable and fun. Naomie is a badass bitch who proved she's a lot more than just Craig's ex-girlfriend and is here to stay.

 

2. Kathryn Dennis

I've never seen someone become a better person from participating on reality TV, except for Kathryn Calhoun Dennis. I don't know if it's Thomas' complete and utter fuckery being exposed or her peaceful change after rehab but Kathryn has become the most beloved member of the cast when she used to be considered the craziest. Although she had a severely cracked phone, Kathryn managed to stay sober and be a great mother to her children this season while remaining the undisputed champion in her feud with Trashley. As well as getting herself a job at the overly advertised Gwynn's, she also played around with dating Shep which may just be the cutest non-couple on reality TV. Even her missing storyline made her more enduring when it was revealed she was suffering from depression, Kathryn didn't make one wrong step and fucking WON season five.

 

1. Trashley Jacobs

I know this is controversial but hear me out. Kathryn was the MVP of this season but Trashley was the reason why it was such good TV. Her complete lack of self awareness and fucking crazy behaviour combined with her obsession over not being invited to a 2-year-old's birthday party made her a producers dream. Don't get me wrong I can't stand the bitch and I cringe every time her frail arms appear on my TV but the villians are always the ones who make the show watchable.

 

She started the season as Thomas' innocent Californian girlfriend and then became widely hated after her Hilton Head blowup where she said some of the most disgusting things a person can say. Trashley continued to not do herself any favours in her creepy one-on-one scenes with her hostage boyfriend and she's since doubled down on all her horrible behaviour since the show aired. Trashley Jacobs is the fucking worst but her unstable and fucked up personality truly gave us one of the best seasons of Bravo based TV ever. This season would've been boring without her and we have to get her some credit for being a crazy bitch. #HiAshley.

 

Do you agree with our ranking? Sound off in the comments below!

 

Southern Charm airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Charleston gang. 

 

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