Shade of the Week: Austen Kroll

July 12, 2018

I like Austen, but it's been a slow week and I need someone to shade!

 

When Austen Kroll first emerged on the Southern Charm he was the put together, successful Showered Shep that everyone needed. He had a sad backstory with the death of his sister and a cute relationship with Chelsea Meissner, however, when he returned for a second round of Charleston drama he wasn't exactly the same. In season five he came back without a job, without a girlfriend and without any ambition. Austen was the ONE male on the show we had any hope in to become successful and make something of his reality TV career other thn live off a diet of beer and pussy, so thankfully he got his shit somewhat together with his own beer.

 

The cabbage patch kid lookalike has survived his tenure on reality TV mostly unscathed due to his morals and nice guy persona, however, in recent weeks Austen has been receiving some bad press which is uncommon for his brand. A few weeks ago he called out his crazy ex-girlfriend Victoria for throwing a drink on him and a rock through his window when she found out Chelsea had simply hugged him, in the same Instagram rant he also claimed that Chelsea didn't have a sex drive. Of course, this caused disgust amongst fans who changed their views of him but I really think it was just a case of drinking and Instagramming which history has shown us, no one should ever do unless they want to end up in the pages of Good Tea. 

 

Although that was shadeworthy behaviour, the thing that really gave Austen bad press was the recently leaked video of his girlfriend Madison (allegedly) finding him in bed with two girls. Do I think he had a threesome and almost caught the next day? Maybe. But just the suspicion is enough to fuck up his nice boy image that he's maintained for years. The video situation is shadeworthy in its own right. One of the girls in the alleged threesome apparently started filming the fight after Madison stormed Austen's house in the early hours of the morning but the cabbage patch kid's acting was bad porn level at least. The door opens right as the video begins, he's holding his junk, yelling the same BS over and over and the two even start laughing at the end. It feels beyond scripted and staged but why the fuck would someone want to make a video that would make them look like such an asshole?

I don't know. Reality TV purposes? Austen doesn't strike me as someone who would fake bullshit just for the cameras and he cares way too much about what people think so it's hard for me to believe he would want to make this video, but the bad acting doesn't lie. It seems too set up to just be a coincidence. Maybe his role on Southern Charm was on the chopping block? Maybe he wanted a raise? Maybe he wants to be the new Thomas Ravenel? Or maybe his default mode of interacting with people is to have the acting skills as a fifth grader in their school play? Whatever the real reason behind is, it does not make Austen look good whatsoever and he has definitely lost in the court of public opinion when he said "physically remove" her from the house. Obviously, he wasn't going to beat the shit out of her but in the age of #MeToo you can't get away with anything! 

 

Austen has stayed silent since the mishegas went public, but his girlfriend shadily posted a comment on her Instagram saying it was a situation which they resolved months ago. So she's confirming that he did, in fact, have a threesome, even though they weren't officially dating? I'm guessing that's the situation because she didn't say he DIDN'T put his penis in two vaginas when they should have been in hers. And another thing - the two really have only been dating for a few months so how long ago exactly did it happen and why is it coming out now? 

After Madison responded in his comment it made everything make sense. She wants a bit of reality TV fame and the best way to achieve that is to have a fucked up relationship. The gang is set to begin production for season six in September, so what's better than leaking this video, getting attention and possibly securing herself a check for the new season when the producers definitely are looking for some craziness following Thomas and Trashley's departure. Even on the off chance this isn't true: the video is still out there and makes Austen look like an asshole and at the end of the day he's going to need to do some major image repairing on the next season to make people change their minds about him. 

 

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