RHOP Recap: Where's Sherman?

June 4, 2018

This episode of Potomac dealt with the age-old plot device used in any teen drama on The CW ever: when two of your friends have parties on the same day. Normally it's in the form of a sweet sixteen but I guess when you're pushing forty, the only reason to have duelling parties is over a charity event. Robyn "The Linebacker" Dixon was hosting her own women empowerment event while Monique "4 Homes maybe 5" bought tickets to a charity event and invited the ladies along and by the magic of Bravo's producers, both events happen to fall on the same day. What a coinkydink.


Surely enough, the group was divided over who's party to attend which made the respective hosts mad at any lady who wasn't going to their own event. Holy fuck I just don't care. If I had to choose it would be Robyn's (yes, I know) because she organised the entire thing by herself and I like the message she's sending with her party in this time of #MeToo and equality, however, Monique's event is going to have some boughy ass people which means some AMAZING boughy ass food and you just cannot pass up a free plate of food, no matter how empowering Robyn and her deep voice are going to be. When it came to the group of attendees for each side it was pretty divided. As Robyn currently pays a monthly rent in Gizelle's asshole, I guess the word on the street felt obliged to go to her party and as she also hates Monique. Little Miss Messy Ashley and Candiace also decided to attend the Linebackers event because she asked them first, which Monique respected, however, the polite understanding wasn't reciprocated when Charrisse decided to attend Monique's party purely because she asked her first (and probably the food.)


Robyn is always looking for things to be mad about and hold against other people which is just exhausting to watch. Focus on the three cast members that are supporting you and not the one and a half that aren't (Charisse is only half because she's a friend.) It gets interesting when the Grand Dame Deficit tried to be messy and get out of Robyn's event by blaming it on her cracked phone and Siri who wrote "yes" into the chat when asked if she was going instead of a celebratory "yas." There is a HUGE difference people, come on. Karen and her receding hairline are crafty liars and I respect that but you would think someone who lies that often would be good at it by now. I think the real issue is the war between Karen and Siri. 


We all know Deficit agreed to Robyn first but when she heard about the free rich people food she read through the group chat and scrambled for an excuse so that she and the Black Bill Gates could save on dinner for a night and eat out at a nice charity event. Can you blame her when she owes $5 million to the government? Obviously, Robyn was mad at Karen's shitty excuse because she has been attending her bad events for years on end and expected the same in return, not thinking that her friend would switch teams for a hot meal. I agree with Robyn but her dull voice and depressing attitude make it hard for me to ever side with her. 


Of course, they talked about the feuding parties for the entire episode but then forgot to show us the actual parties. Ugh. While Robyn organised her event in a "Classy with a little bit of Hood" sweatshirt and Candiace talked to Mr Brown Dick, Ashley and her geriatric husband renegotiated the terms of their prenup. Is that something people do? They reached the three-year mark in their marriage which meant that Ashley would get half of everything if they divorced, but so he wouldn't think she was there for the money SHE wanted to extend that period of time. What the fuck? Is she stupid? This is only her starter marriage any real gold digger knows that this is the perfect time to drain his bank account, that's definitely what her mama was saying. 


However, the reason she doesn't know this is because Ashley isn't a gold digger. I really think she loves him for whatever reason and wants to make it work with him and his greasy dick. Speaking of his greasy member, the Kangaroo lover isn't ready to have kids but Miss Messy Boots is, so if you're reading this Ash, pretend to take the pill so that he doesn't use a condom and then go "Oops, I guess I missed a day." It works every time and if it doesn't just stay till you get your lump sum AND child support. There's no way you can lose. 


When they started discussing what they came to discuss, you know, the terms of their prenup, Michael wouldn't let it happen on camera. What the fuck? I agree, privacy, blah blah blah, but when he signed the release to be on this show his privacy and right to negotiate his prenup in peace went out the window. It just seemed like he was bossing his intern around when telling her that he wouldn't talk about it on camera while he rolled around on a hoverboard and drank Corona. What is it with these two and Corona? In the end, Ashley ended up signing the document, even though we didn't know what the fuck it contained, so that was a riveting scene of television. Couldn't he have told her that BEFORE they started filming the scene? Or maybe he did and she tried to make him talk about it with her cheeky smile once the cameras started rolling? Whatever it was, it was fucking annoying. I wanna know when Messy Boots is getting her lump sum because if they break up in two years then I think we know that's when she'll be getting half.


The final relationship drama of this episode was between Gizelle and Sherman, which is even more confusing and withdrawn than the Australian and his sugar baby. I still have no idea why word on the street and her dark gentlemen caller decided to call it quits but after really listening to her scenes it seems like he cut her off like a bad leg after he saw his name printed in People saying he was her boyfriend. Maybe it was that. Or maybe it was the TEA that Monique provided fresh from Sherman's ex-wife who alleges that he got arrested in a park after he rented a hooker to service him when the police knocked on the window of his car. That tea is so hot I burnt my fucking tongue. 


Sherman's extracurricular activities are far more entertaining than anything Gizelle has done over the last three years on this show - and he wasn't even with her when it happened. Is he that stupid he couldn't have rented a hotel room with his hooker? He wanted her for a quick time but obviously, it wasn't quick enough if the cops saw the vehicle rocking. If Sherman was worried about being in People Magazine, I bet he's not too happy about his Eddie Murphy-esque behaviour being featured as the main storyline on an international reality show.  That anecdote and the fact that the ex-wife who spread the tea is popping up next week is almost too much mess for me to handle. Is this Real Housewives of Love & Hip Hop? 


The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.


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