Southern Charm Recap: The Trashley Show

June 1, 2018

I thought Trashley was a clingy, unlikeable, annoying, self-absorbed, dumb bitch last week, but holy fucking shit, after tonight's episode she looks like the Cunt of the Year. We began with her continuing to chastise Kathryn because she sees her kids more than her and kept going and going, claiming to has "information" and slamming her parenting in what was truly disgusting and pure evil. It's one thing if you're throwing shade and adding a few bitchy comments, but this girl said a shit tonne of things she can NEVER come back from. And for what? Because she wasn't invited to a kids birthday party? JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

 

The main thing she was alleging was that the nanny told her Kathryn didn't see her son in the hospital but is Malibu Barbie forgetting that there's a custody agreement in place? And Thomas doesn't have the best track record with nannies so I'd shut my mouth if I was Trashley. Everything she said was like cutting Kathryn with a blunt spoon and I even wanted to cry on the other side of the TV. It was just so cruel and established her as the bitch of this season because she is a producers dream, you can almost see the manipulation in her eyes. I haven't hated someone on reality TV this much in a very long time, but I also appreciate the crazy bitch because she's Thomas' punishment for being a disgusting human being and her punishment is having to have sex with a baggy, geriatric dinosaur. 

 

Her behaviour was indefensible and then Danni, who's been in the background forever, finally piped up and used her voice to shut Trashley's disgusting mouth down. Who would have thought DANNI of all people would have it in her but I guess even the nicest of the bunch couldn't handle the gold digger. While Kathryn was being attacked with insult after insult, she kept her rehabbed ways in check and didn't respond to the idiot sitting across from her. The old Kathryn would have dragged her along the floor and cut her hair off, but the new Kathryn sat there pinching her leg. Good for her. Out of all of this Trashley just came off as a horrible human being and certifiable crazy cunt. It's not like she can "blame editing" for this because she LITERALLY said those things and doubled down on them during the entire episode. She's amazing TV even if she's seriously elevating my blood pressure. I love the bitchest of Housewives but there's always a clear line you don't cross, however, Trashley took a massive shit on that line and then set it on fire. I don't even have to shade her any further because her unforgivable behaviour speaks for itself. 

 

Thomas managed to support his crazy girlfriend while everyone told him to make her stop. Ugh. He's just as disgusting as her and I have no idea why this group always gives him a pass for his gross behaviour. When he was with Kathryn he literally drunkenly insulted the entire cast at his dinner party but then they all forgave him and Kathryn was STILL exiled from the group. I don't know if it's a Southern thing or a Southern Charm thing, but standing up for the men is not a good quality. After the blow up it was all Trashley could talk about and Thomas decided to eat with her away from the general population, so Shep decided to apologise for the situation. No Shepard, NO! Understandingly the developing alcoholic wasn't there to see the blow up so he was naturally got sucked into her professional victim ways. Following her fight with Kathryn, I say fight but it was really more of a one-way psychiatric break, Trashley developed this weird badass bitch vibe and was walking around like she had two dangling balls between legs and it was more cringeworthy to watch than her attempted assassination of Kathryn. 

 

That wasn't all. The group then had to get a ferry back to their house which was a perfect set up plan by the producers and I totally appreciate it. The entire group managed to sit away from the co-dependent alcoholic couple but surely enough there was still drama. The entire squad, and mainly Chelsea, decided that if Kathryn isn't comfortable then Trashley and her dinosaur boyfriend should pack their bags and get the fuck back to Charleston which was only met with fury and hate from T-Rav. Ugh, I feel gross when calling him that. The felon stood up and started cussing Chelsea out and you literally see the venom and hatred in his eyes. There's NOTHING scarier than when an old alcoholic yells at you and stares right into your eyes, just ask any New Yorker who's taken the subway. Chelsea isn't his Thomas girlfriend and I don't even know if they've had a proper conversation before so what gives him the right to annihilate her like that? It was rude and disgusting but surely enough, he apologised for his behaviour and the group all forgot about it. What the fuck? 

 

No one addressed it for the rest of the episode, maybe because they were scared of him, I don't know but he should be just as alienated as his dumb girlfriend. They truly are just a sick couple and it's a toxic relationship that was made for reality TV. The next day everyone woke up bright eyed and hungover as Craig was preparing some gross meal in the kitchen, did Sean teach him that? Craig and Sean are the unofficial power couple of this show. The entire group was actually enjoying each others presence when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Rapist strolled into the kitchen to eat some bacon. Those two horrible people don't deserve bacon, maybe bacon laced with rat poison? Shortly after they started crunching down on their breakfast everyone decided to get the fuck out of there and go on two separate boating trips to talk shit about Trashley while she sat at home and gazed whimsically into Thomas' hairy asshole. 

 

Like all fishing trips, the two in this episode was very boring. No one wants to see you catch a crab or be cold on a boat. Back at the house, Whitney sat in his room which makes me question:

 

1. Why did he come on the trip?

2. Why is he on the show?

 

He doesn't have a storyline or even really speaks so I don't realise why he is on camera because he doesn't do anything in this bifocal glasses and denim jackets. Trashley and T-Rav also stayed back so she could brush his hair with a Dora brush and pain his toenails. His hairy legs and even hairier feet almost made me gag but the lack of self-awareness of Trashley is so amusing. It's almost become The Trashley Show because she has no idea what she looks like and it just keeps going down a terrible path of obsessing over Kathryn, which is basically a requirement to be a reality star. In one of her many rants about Kathryn and while she put the finishing touches on Thomas' toe job, she said she hates to wrestle with pigs but then what does she call sex with Thomas? Craig also confirmed that they resident gold digger isn't on birth control, so we all have some future babies to look forward to because she is going to try and stay around for as long as possible, unless he gets locked up and then she'll be onto the next old fart with a black Amex and an old trust fund. This relationship is way too much. It's been like four days! 

 

After everyone arrived with their fishing produce and Shep bought a fish and passed it off as his own, they all got some people to cook up their seafood for them and then ate in the dining room which strategically only had one less chair. Really Bravo? Naturally, the loser of musical chairs, Trashley, had to go and get her own deck chair which annoyed everyone in the room because it had gotten to the point where her breathing or smiling wanted to make even Shep get a hit out on her. Yep, Trashley even managed to annoy Shep and that's a very hard thing to do unless you are one of his hoes that might stay at his place past 10 am. Austen also had a relationship drama over the phone with his girlfriend which I couldn't care less about, at all. He and Chelsea are the Ross and Rachel of this show and we all know they are supposed to be together, Austen's girlfriend Victoria is just the redundant Emily. After she looked through the entire cast's social media waiting for updates she got pissed that Chelsea was "kissing his shoulder" on their freezing boat but in the screenshot of Naomie's story, she was obviously just slighting placing her head on his him. I don't know if this bitch is just insecure or thirsty for reality TV camera time but it was more annoying to watch than Trashley playing with teasers at the dinner table and acting like a 4 and a half-year-old. 

 

This show is the herpes of Bravo, based on it being the gift that keeps on giving and most of its cast's test results and I couldn't be more obsessed with his iconic season of television. It's even giving Pump Rules a run for its money!

 

Southern Charm airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Charleston gang. 

 

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