This ladies and gentlemen, was what we call the quintessential filler episode, which is an episode of the season filled with all those unnecessary in between scenes just to save time before the more exciting and important drama that's still to come. Normally I'd make comparisons between the amount of filler in this episode to that in the ladies cheeks but it seems all these relatively new Housewives haven't indulged in the injectables route just yet, or haven't done it too obviously. Black definitely don't crack but as this show goes on you can bet these ladies will walk in the Housewives' footsteps who have come before them and make weekly appointments with Dr Schwartz.
The first of the filler scenes were Candiace's relationship drama, but she has really become more of a filler cast member on this show. I like the resident cheerleader of the group but her level of pep and thirst for the cameras is starting to weigh on me. She's almost like an Olivia Pope that smiles who's always on a constant eight but needs to take it down to a steady five, which is higher than Charrisse "Eeyore" Jordan's standard operating level of three. For some reason, we are expected to believe that after two years of being with Mr Brown Dick, Candiace already decided to get engaged and forgot to tell her mum that her fiance has an additional child (and baby mama) that he hasn't seen in nine years. If you're man has a string of failed relationships and children in every state this side of the Mississipi, wouldn't you wait for more than two years to get engaged and commit to spending the rest of your life with him because "the rest of your life," probably means six to eight months for old Brown Dick. I'm obsessed with the hue of her man's member and I'm a little disappointed we haven't seen a Snapchat nudes leak or something.
Candiace was nervous to tell her mom about Brown Dick's estranged child because he's already white and divorced with two kids. I understand how you can joke with your girlfriend's about having a white boyfriend and your parents not accepting him but can you imagine if the roles were reversed and a white person had said that about their black significant other? That white person would be crucified and their family labelled racist for all of eternity, so it's definitely not fair for Candiace to get away with constantly subtly joking about her mom disapproving of Brown Dick because the rest of his body is white. In the end, her tight ass mother didn't give a shit about his additional child which proved this entire storyline to be redundant and a total waste of time. I feel like they are trying to make her mom the Mama Joyce of Potomac but it's just not going to happen.
One thing a Housewife loves to talk about is how "busy" she is. Although Gizelle makes fun of how Monique complains about being too busy, her filler storyline was doing the exact same thing and I'm confused if I'm supposed to care. The word on the street has a lot on her plate by raising her daughters, creating a make up line and writing a book while her boyfriend Sherman isn't there for her. Cool. First of all, she's made it pretty clear she has a ghost writer scribbling away at her novel so she can't be that busy and I can't feel sorry for anybody on a reality show that is getting paid to basically just live their life. If Bravo offered me tens of thousands of dollars to follow me around for three months I'd be grateful that all I have to do is breath and fight with some bitches to get coins. While at the hairdresser Gizelle cried in her foils about her relationship problems with Sherman but wouldn't elaborate or explain why the fuck she was crying. I still don't know what the actual problem is and I really don't care. Gizelle isn't the word on my street anyway.
Monique also decided to bring the group together to gather donations for the Hurricane Harvey victims which is amazing and everyone should be commended. I can't ever snark on charity and helping people who have virtually nothing left to their names, however, this hurricane drama has been present on all the Housewives shows lately (Atlanta, New York and Potomac) but it would be better to help the issue if the overarching Bravo execs came together and got each show to help a separate area of the affected hurricanes instead of focusing on Harvey, but it's good to see the ladies on all the shows help out in different levels of relief. Another overly used storyline is seeing a medium which is just as common a Housewives past time as a roaring twenties party or a weird spa retreat.
Robyn and Juan took a break from being vegan and poor to sit down with an older version of Tyler Henry. This medium session came as a result of Juan recently finding out he had a different biological dad than the one he grew up with but his mother, who died of AIDS, never told him. I find it weird that this level of scandal has been swirling in Juan's life and we only find out now but he's also actually learning to smile on camera now so maybe he was happier to open up this season. The 40-year-old Tyler Henry wannabe revealed he knew Juan's parent's names and initials and that his mom was embarrassed to die from AIDS. Are we sure the producers just didn't get all this tea from Robyn and then whisper it in the "medium's" ear? Eh. However, the real juiciness came when he "interacted" with their friend who stole their money and then killed himself. That sentence is juicy enough. Apparently, their friend is content after ending his own life and they just wanted to know if he was sorry for what he did, which he wasn't. Wow, he's even a cunt beyond the grave.
If I was in their situation I wouldn't be asking if he's sorry, I'd be asking where the fucking money is. Did he bury it in someone's backyard? Hide it in a secret attic? Leave it in a stripper's thong in South America? He stole MILLIONS, so either we aren't getting the full story of their situation and his suicide or be blew it all before he jumped. Personally, if my friend stole my millions and was the reason I became poor and had to live in a shitty two bedroom in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, I would pull a Brittany Cartwright and tell them to "rawt in hail," but maybe the linebackers are more forgiving of their shady friend who was obviously suffering from a crazy level of mental health. I just want an entire episode devoted to the backstory of this shady former friend: how he stole the money, what he did with it, how they found out, why he killed himself. I care about that WAY more than I care about seeing Gizelle cry in her foils about her chode of a boyfriend.
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.