Who The Vanderpump Rules Girls Would Be As Real Housewives

May 22, 2018

In honour of the final episode of Vanderpump Rules' sixth season, we decided to match it's leading ladies with their Real Housewives counterparts. While the Pump Kids are starting to age into the Housewives age bracket, their frat-like parties and bitchy antics make it hard to remember most of them are pushing 40. In the grand scheme of things I'd like to think the SURvers could graduate into becoming Housewives after they are done serving people fried chicken and goats cheese balls at Sur, so here is a rough idea of which ladies they would become.

 

Stassi Schroeder = Brandi Glanville

These two unfiltered blondes both have podcasts and regularly get themselves in trouble by saying controversial things which are​ always followed up with a bad apology. Both ladies aren't shy to share their opinion which can sometimes be their downfall when you consider their falls from grace (Stassi season three, Brandi season five) and being hated by LVP. They also share a bad taste in men. Stassi already has an innate love for white wine and by the time she's Brandi's age I'm sure she'll love it enough to drunk tweet on a weeknight while she's throwing shade at her ex and his new wife.

 

Scheana Shay = Dorit Kemsley

This one is a no-brainer​. After the recent seasons of Pump and RHOBH, the only person more annoying and detested by fans than Scheana was Dorit. Both ladies have a knack for not taking​ responsibility for their bad behaviour and share the common trait of having some of the most annoying voices on Bravo. We've also seen them become jealous of their friends and spend a considerable amount of time in LVP's dusty ass. Couldn't you see Scheana growing up, marrying a rich white guy and picking up a confusing accent for attention? 

 

Kristen Doute = Lisa Rinna

This may be a stretch but work with me. Both Kristen and Lisa Rinna carried their shows for years by being dubbed the villain​ and causing drama when no one else would, however,​ in recent years they've both calmed down and taken a backseat on their shows. They are also advocates for speaking out against LVP and aren't afraid to get on the British girl's bad side. They also have great skinny bodies and if Kristen managed to develop some kind of career she would definitely become the Rinna after her Housewives graduation, but definitely,​ a more boozed up version. ​

 

Katie Maloney = Robyn Dixon

Katie was a hard one to match up. She's quiet and dull but also has moments where she screams and loses her shit (mostly as a result of her alter ego​ Tequila Katie.) Both women are way too sympathetic towards their cheating men, who their storylines typically revolve around whilst they also play second fiddle to their BFF on the show (Stassi and Gizelle, respectively.) They aren't the most exciting​ cast members but always somehow find themselves in the drama. 

 

Ariana Madix = Teddi Mellencamp

This makes more sense then you'd think. Aside from being blonde bombshells, the two ladies share a bond of being the tomboys on their shows and a love of riding horses. They both claim to be low maintenance​ chicks, above the drama and are genuinely​ good people, which is uncommon in the Housewives universe. Along with being calm, having a deep voice and riding horses with LVP, they also both have a dark-haired​ boo in their lives. Could they be more alike? Teddi and husband literally look Ariana & Sandoval finally grew up and bought a house in Beverly Hills. 

 

Lala Kent = Erika Jayne

Erika Jayne is basically Lala in 15 years. Both ladies enjoy the comfort of rich older men who are hardly shown on their reality shows, can fund their lifestyles and buy them nice clothes. They also have quasi-singing careers as well as a strong sexual appeal and knack to always bring the conversation back to sex (Lala more than EJ.) However Miss Kent has more traits of an actual human being and a more normal range of emotions compared to Erika's ice queen behaviour we've seen, but all the SURver needs is a bevy of gays and a $40K budget for her appearance​ and we've got Erika. 

 

Brittany Cartwright = Lynne Curtain

Brittany isn't meant for this world, she's meant to be on a farm in Kentucky milking cows not throwing drinks at another woman while on a luxury overseas trip, but for the sake of this article,​ she has to be someone. Both Brit and ​Lynne are refreshingly nice but still have managed to have breakdowns, typically over their questionable men. They are both genuinely​ good people who share the ditzy trait and prospect of not appearing on reality TV for too long. And can't you just picture Jax's shady business deals resulting in them getting evicted from their house and their daughter's becoming pornstars?

 

Do you agree with our pairings? Sound off in the comments below!

 

Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the sexiest SURvers in LA!  

 

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