RHONY Recap: Relief

May 10, 2018

Although Sonja Tremont Morgan is on the outskirts with all the other women and has been getting the bitch edit this season, she is the MVP of the show. After decades of presiding over her dated townhouse, Lady Morgan finally decided to put it up for rent for a mere $32,000 a month. You know, just affordable for everyone. Sonja needs to sell the townhouse for her mental health and hygiene, however, I don't want her to let go of the place due to all the nostalgic memories. No other Housewife in the history of the show has a house so infamous and iconic where other Housewives have passed through to try and get their lives together but instead day drink and fight with the bitchy house proud tenant. Instead of renting it, Sonja needs to take TMZ style tours through it which she would weirdly enjoy. Imagine if those walls could talk, they would need countless hours of court-mandated therapy. 

 

Before meeting the real estate agent, Sonja frantically ran around the dilapidated townhouse cleaning and trying to make it presentable while she muttered about the pills and vibrators she had to hide. She's truly a national treasure and one of those Housewives you know it exactly like that when the cameras are down. Sonja is always on the hunt for new dick even if it's in the form of a married gay man who was there to photograph her house for the real estate company. As she tried to sleep with her photographer who was taking photos of her townhouse he couldn't have been more interested in Sonja and her vagina but that only intrigued the dominating cougar. Gay, straight, married, single, Sonja doesn't care, a penis is a penis. Who wouldn't wanna take at least one spin on Sonja's sloppy slip and slide just to have the story to tell. Sure, she may talk too much about the other women but she's not mean-spirited, she's just lonely. The alienation of Sonja has caused her to shine even more with her wacky way of interacting with the extras on the show. Never change.

 

Bethenny went on another trip to Puerto Rico for her charity B Strong and decided to bring Dorinda along for the ride much to the joy of Ramona and shock of Carole. The Singer Stinger almost had an orgasm as she was telling the Carrie Bradshaw wannabe how Bethenny had decided to take Dorinda on the trip and not her. It would be sad not only to not be invited on the trip with her BFF but to also have to be told the news by Ramona who spilled the tea in her typical passive aggressive way. This Bethenny and Carole feud has been a slow burn and I don't know whose side to take but I do know that Miss Radziville's (throwback to Lu's shade) new blonde hair washes out her already pale skin. Tinsley and Carole are probably nice people in real life but their new friendship is just boring, between Mugshot Mortimer's screeching voice and Carole's annoying egg orders all they make me want to do is fast forward through their scenes especially now that her relationship-not relationship with her boy toy has taken a turn for the worse but I care more about John Mahdessian's sweaty taint than I do about Carole's relationship turmoil. 

 

Speaking of John Mahdessian, his girlfriend Dorinda travelled to Miami with Bethenny ahead of their big relief trip to Puerto Rico. Love or hate the Skinnygirl, you have to admit she is a saint for helping the people whose lives have been destroyed by natural disasters. She's turned over warehouses full of resources for people in need FOUR times, raised money, sent countless jets and was the first person to help people there, even before the US government. That is a huge fucking deal. It would be exhausting to be Bethenny in general because she's always on a constant 15 but dealing with the relief work would make her even more fatigued. While their trip was supposed to highlight the amazing work B and her entire team are doing, it had a stronger focus on Dorinda's drinking and her quasi-depression that's attached to it. 

 

Lady Drunkinda Medley as I like to call her, rolled into dinner at 7 pm and was already at least 12 very dirty martinis in. I love a drunk Dorinda especially when Bravo have to provide us with subtitles so we can mildly understand the mess she spews out of her mouth. While I was in love with the reemergence of Lady Drunkinda Medley's inaudible slurring it was awkward to watch considering she was out to dinner with a bunch of Bethenny's charity colleagues and not the usual drunken Upper East Side cougars she's used to. Lady Drunkinda Medley tried to have an intellectual debate with Bethenny's guest who had worked in Haiti but the 12 martinis weren't willing to hear about the colleges that are now on the island which caused her to yell at Bethenny, storm off and leave the table of extras sitting there in shock while they all had sticks up their asses. Dorinda has a heart of gold but the darkness inside her seeps through when she's been drinking and it's not a pretty sight. As a fan I love it but when you're in the action it has got to be 50 shades of mean. 

 

The next day Dorinda woke up, dressed, happy and coherent but Bethenny wanted to have a bigger conversation about her mean-spirited behaviour after she drinks and declared "You're a drunk." Ouch. Instead of putting her back up and getting defensive Dorinda was able to be objective and real in the reasons behind her excess drinking which we haven't seen from any Housewife. Not even Kim "You Stole My Goddamn House" Richards was that open about it. I don't believe Dorinda is an alcoholic but alcohol helps heal the repressed pain she feels and is an escape for her to let her deep feelings out and then be able to use the excuse: sorry I was drunk! Dorinda was brutally honest about not feeling fulfilled in her life or relationship with her dry cleaner boo and while John Mahdessian's sweaty meatball of a face has started to grow on me, life is too short for Dorinda to stay with someone she's feeling stagnant with. 

 

Losing a spouse is truly one of the worst things to go through and to have a completely different life due to a reason you can't change would be the absolute worst. Of course, Dorinda is a soldier and carried on but there's still that Sonja-esque way of thinking about the glorious past life that's in the rearview mirror and isn't ever coming back. I haven't seen reality TV this real since Kim K opened about her Paris robbery and I was hanging on the edge of my seat for every word. They ended the conversation with a hug and no clear decision on what Dorinda was going to do but it was refreshing to hear about the utter helplessness that creeps into her mind which everyone can relate to. Although the ladies went on the trip to help the citizens of Puerto Rico they inadvertently helped Dorinda and every single viewer watching because we all have our bouts of loneliness and the scary thought we'll end up being found a week after our death when cats have already started eating at our face. RHONY reigns supreme over its sister cities because they are real women who are open and honest about all aspects of their lives which is bigger than a dramatic fight or a drunk moment. 

 

Also, did anyone else catch the tea Bethenny spilled saying "Sonja lost that [her marriage] and she knows it's because she fucked it up." Did she just confirm Lady Morgan was fucking around the South of France? Trust that after a profound and sobering conversation, the only morsel I hang onto is about Sonja's sloppy vagina and geriatric ex-husband.

 

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Wednesday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the big apple ladies!

 

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