It's official, the Housewives franchise has broken into a new kind of petty low, fighting over memes. Just when the ladies start throwing the same tired All White Party, they mix it up with a fresh meme beef.
We started with Gizelle exposing her hashtag shirt at the press conference to Karen, who was pissed that her friend would betray her like a backstabbing batch, Grand Dame Deficit only uses the word batch if you haven't noticed. I don't know what that's all about but maybe it's what happens when you are five million dollars in debt but also want to pretend that you still have class. In all seriousness, Gizelle's shirt was shady as fuck and her light skinned ass had some nerve to show it off in Karen's face like that. After the shirt was exposed all the ladies left the press conference while Messy Ashley was still looking for some food to eat. I think we were all Ashley in that scene.
This week we also learned more about the new girl Candiace. Apart from having an annoying name to spell, she is a successful pageant queen with a white fiance and a pushy mother. I'm liking what I see so far, but these newbies always play it safe when they initially come around the group. It seems like her storyline this season will revolve around her wedding, but I don't think we get to see her actual nuptials. That's like having sex and not getting to orgasm, all the work with no reward. She joined Ashley and Monique to strip down into their bikinis and smoke cigars by the pool which is clearly a very overly produced sequence of events. These bitches are thirty and we are supposed to believe that they enjoy puffing on an old fat cigar, I mean, we've seen Ashley's husband so it's not that unbelievable. Monique announced that she would be throwing a white party for her husband's 40th birthday party, which is the most used party theme in Housewives history, next to a flappy twenties theme or a decades party. Can't these bitches think of something original?
While they lounged in the pool with her perfect boobs and fake cigars, Monique and Ashley downloaded Candaice on the group and primarily Robyn who they both have a beef with. The green eyed bandit obviously has issues with the messy Australian lover, after she took a vested interest in her relationship with Juan. However Miss Samuels had no idea about where she stands with Robyn, who previously told her that they had beef but didn't tell her what that beef was. I hate when people do that. Robyn is easily the most boring cast member with her monotone voice and tired marriage/not marriage situation, so she NEEDS a few beefs to keep her relevant on this show.
Speaking of the long suffering non-wife, her and her non-husband moved into their slightly bigger town house in Hanover. She apologised to him for stupidly trusting their friend who took all their money which is about three years too late, but he accepted it and she continued to look at him with a gleam in her green eyes. Also where the fuck is their friend? Living it up in Monaco with all their money and doing blow off strippers tits? Fuck Robyn and Juan's relationship, I want an update on where the friend is! We need some more rich people in the cast so why not add him and his possible wife to the show, they could show us the lifestyle they made for themselves from stealing out of Juan Dixon's heavy pockets.
Ashley's possibly gay husband also forced her to talk to her mom about their current sticky financial situation, and I'm actually on her old Australian husband's side. They currently pay the mother's rent because she went bankrupt but a condition of them funding her life was for her to break up with her toxic boyfriend, and she never did. I feel like it was the shady boyfriend's idea to try and scam the money off Ashley and her rich husband and IF I was Michael I wouldn't be happy that my hard earned coins were going to an old lady with money issues and her gross boyfriend. I'm #TeamAustralia on this issue, even if their restaurant was probably full of paid extras.
Monique threw her all white party for her husband Chris and their new house is amazing. These two are probably the only actual rich couple on this show, so I loved looking at the house porn. Her husband's former Redskins teammates gave speeches for his birthday but I'm so averted to sports that they could literally be on a football team or a swimming team and I wouldn't know the difference. After the tired speeches, drama ensued with Monique brought up with her beef with Robyn who confirmed that she was mad at her because one of her fan pages posted a meme. I don't know what's more confusing: how Robyn thinks Instagram works or that someone would take the time to make a fan page for Monique Samuels. Don't get me wrong, I like the little spitfire that she is, but she was the new addition on one of the smaller Housewives shows.
Naturally Monique got triggered by Robyn's petty meme bullshit and walked away while Robyn and her green eyes sat there yelling about the fan page. The meme in question wasn't that bad and of course a Housewives fan page is going to come for someone that their favourite person is currently feuding with. Also, why would Monique waste her time to pay people to make bad memes about Robyn? She's busy running four homes or did you forget that in Hanover, Robyn?
After Monique walked off Robyn went outside and then her and Ashley started going at it again over Little Miss Messy's investigation of her situation last year. How many times can they talk about the same issue? Ashley believes that you shouldn't stay together just for children but Robyn says that there is more to her situation than that. We get it. After feuding with TWO people, the green eyed bandit left the party in a puff of smoke while newbie Candaice's husband, the only white guy at the party, jumped off the balcony into the pool. White people.
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 10/9c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.