Who knew that after six years on television filled with cheating, sex and drunken outbursts that Vanderpump Rules would still have enough fuel to deliver it's best season yet? Although not everyone got an equal storyline and many of the cast members were unlikeable as fuck, we were provided with ample drama and one of the best seasons in reality TV history. The main plot point was Jax and Brittany's toxic relationship when it was revealed that he pounded ex-SURver Faith while an elderly woman slept in the woman adjacent to them, which paved the way for the rest of the men's unfaithful ways to be revealed and caused the girls to stand together against the philandering men in their lives. However dysfunctional the group may seem, they felt cohesive and resembled an actual friendship group after Lala and James were officially welcomed into the WeHo fold. Check out our ranking of each cast member's contribution, not likeability on the show this season below.
11. Tom Sandoval
TomTom. That's all you really need to know about the anime character's input to the show this season. He was too dominating in the preparation process and acted like a 5-year-old in art class when he showed LVP his new cocktails for the upcoming bar. Tom also got involved in the drama by defending Ariana's brother when Stassi called him creepy and low-key starting the rumour that James & Kristen hooked up. His dumb need to stand up for Jax's shitty ways was annoying to watch and contributed to his sex-deprived relationship with Ariana in many ways - however, somehow he was the one male cast member not to be outed for cheating. Let's just hope they buy that house and finally escape the dingy dungeon that is their apartment.
10. Ariana Madix
Aside from hating her vagina, riding horses and standing up for her brother, I'm not exactly sure what Ariana's storyline was. She returned this season with a hot new short haircut and an apartment full of tissues due to Sandoval's constant need to beat his meat as a result of their sexless relationship, which was due to her vaginal self-esteem issues. Although they were one of the only couples's not rocked by a cheating scandal, Sandoval's residency in Jax's tanned asshole caused the blonde bombshell to pop off several times and didn't help their relationship. Ariana is the down-to-earth, logical, cool girl on the show and probably the most normal member of this group, but her impact was minimal compared to her friend's dramatic behaviour this season.
9. Katie Maloney
Katie "Bubba" Maloney-Schwartz's main accomplishment this season was no longer being referred to as her alter ego Tequila Katie - which was a credit to the huge amount of effort she put into making over her public image after the hate she received last year from her bridezilla persona. Although she was mostly drama-free this season, Mrs Maloney-Schwartz reignited her beef with Scheana and dealt with her husband's drunken cheating scandal, which actually helped the Maloney-Schwartz's and caused them to get along better than they ever have. The voluptuous brunette was also the victim of fat shaming from LVP's botox obsessed party planner Kevin Lee, which delved deeper into Katie's body issues and humanised the sometimes bitchy cast member. Katie successfully managed to redeem herself in the eye of public opinion - which is good for her and society, but not reality TV.
8. Tom Schwartz
The other half of the Bubba-Maloney-Schwartz's was an integral part of the season. Whether he was calling Scheana a bootleg Kardashian, making out with girls in bars, or wearing his slides in a construction site, he somehow still managed to be the loveable sidekick that everyone knows and loves. I don't know what it is about Tom and his messy hair, but he always seems to get a pass for his bad behaviour due to his funny one liners and boyish charm. However, his alcholic induced makeout with Lala's friend at a bar was not only irresponsbile and dirty but also brought attention to his potenial drinking problem. I mean, how often is it okay to blackout in your thirities and wake up in a different Mexican resort? Tom finished the season with his marriage intact and his restaurant opening just around the corner, who would have thought he would be so stable? Let's hope we see some Bubba Jr's next season.
7. Kristen Doute
My personal favourite SURver was absent from the majority of this season. The producers must be subtly trying to remove Kristen "Suck A Dick" Doute from the show because she filmed more than enough. While her craziness has subsided, we saw a flash of the former cast member that is fondly known as Crazy Kristen when she threw a drink at DJ James Kennedy because she believed that he started the rumour that they had hooked up. Apart from that blow up, she occupied her time with being a devout Witch of WeHo and looking for ways to destroy Jax and Brittany's relationship. For season seven we definitely need more Kristen on our screens because when she's good, she is FUCKING AMAZING! #JusticeForDoute
6. Stassi Schroeder
The former HBIC who used to reign supreme over Sur has officially taken a backseat since she rejoined the cast last season. Her main contribution to this season was being a "party planner" and hating both Jax & Scheana, but who didn't do those things? We also met her headache of a boyfriend Patrick, who finally appeared on the show after three years of dating the murder obsessed Witch of WeHo. Her relationship with her then-boyfriend and his pretentious man bun was like watching a car crash because we already knew that the couple broke up in real time after Patrick dumped her on their anniversary and Stassi stil went on their pre-planned vacation to Mexico - Carrie Bradshaw style. Stassi had a lukewarm season but we've seen her do much better - and much worse!
5. James Kennedy
Although DJ James Kennedy was accused of cheating on his dumb girlfriend with his ex-girlfriend and gay best friend, this was his redemption season. In his fourth year on the show, James finally humanised himself and no longer acted like the entitled, self-absorbed, asshole that we've known for all these years. His stories about being bullied in school and his rough relationship with his parents gave him a dense backstory and finally helped us to understand why he acts like the White Kanye. It was refreshing to actually see a likeable side of the conceded DJ. He also managed to have a successful DJ performance with a catchy name, "See You Next Tuesday," without acting like a drunk mess. Of course he wasn't totally without scandal, in addition to the cheating James also feuded with Lala after he talked trash about her boyfriend and yelled at her the now infamous line "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA!" Is it about the pasta?
4. Scheana Shay
The newly divorced SURver and her old face weren't around a lot this season but when they were, the only topic of discussion was Rob. Whether it was his ability to hang a TV in seven minutes, or tow her car Scheana let everyone know that her new boyfriend was better than Shay, even if he did cheat on her at Toca Madera with a waitress. Rob suffered from the same disease as Patrick and played the role of a guy who loves himself way too much and has an ego bigger than Brittany's tits. When the Bootleg Kardashian wasn't talking about Rob's ability to perform mundane tasks, she was setting Brittany up with a hot new bartender to get back at Jax. Scheana's Rob talk was like water torture but it was a main arc of the season and provided us with entertainment, mostly in the form of the shady editors showing flashbacks of her repeating the same Rob facts over and over and over and over.
3. Brittany Cartwright
Oh Brittany. Bless her heart. Not only was she cheated on, broken up with, the recipient of a pregnancy scare and a horrible recording that her boyfriend had made about, but she also had to go through all of it on international television. Much to the annoyance of LVP and every single person on the show with a vagina, Kentucky stuck by her main and showered him with gifts even though he had done nothing to deserve it. However, like I always said, like an alcoholic, she can only wake up once she sees the light herself. Although the couple are still broken up in the finale episode, they rekindled their relationship in real time and are "stronger than ever." Ugh. Brit's devotion to Jax was irritating to say the least but she ranks this highly just due to the fact she was at the centre of one of her show's biggest cheating scandals for an entire season.
2. Lala Kent
Miss Kent returned to the show in her louboutins and her Range Rover this season and became reality TV's answer to the Gloria Steinem of our generation. As a result of all the women being cheated on by their corrupt men this season, Lala decided to unify the group by promoting the power of the pussy, which didn't exactly work out. She stayed mostly above the drama and became not only the voice of reason but more shockingly, a Witch of WeHo. However, the singer did get her hands dirty when she beefed with James Kennedy over pasta (?!) and provided the tea on Schwartz's drunken make out with a girl at a bar and Faith's salacious audiotape. Although she wasn't at the crux of the drama, without her we wouldn't have received the epic tea that drove this season. Who would have thought the exiled "homewrecker" of season five would become the MVP of season six? Give them Lala bitch!
1. Jax Taylor
This may be controversial but the top spot goes to one of Bravo's best gaslighters: Jax Taylor himself. I know that the general public despises the pretend bartender after this season but we wouldn't have had anything to watch if he wasn't constantly fucking up our screens. Jax fought with almost every cast member this season and got his butter sticks that he calls fingers, involved in any piece of drama that he could to try and divert the attention away from him and his cheating penis.
Just in ONE season, Jax managed to be unfaithful (well actually Faith was full of him) while an eldery woman slept peacefully in the bed next to them, talk shit about his girlfriend to Faith which was then revealed in an audiorecording, come up with a "job offer" to run a hockey team's social media in Tampa and not even acknowledge's Brit's feelings of the situation, gaslight her for an entire season, breakup with her after she pleadged her devotion to him, fight with Scheana about setting his girfriend up with another guy, freak out when Brittany wasn't pregnant, lie about James Kennedy hooking up with Kristen, yell at all of the girls when they tried to call him out for being an actual cunt to Brittany, have a meltdown at Sur and nearly die in Big Bear. I mean, with all that drama how did he find the time to fuck his reiki master Kelsey?
Love him or hate him, and chances are its hate, but this season revolved around the swollen thumb that is Jax Taylor and we have to give credit where credit is due. So I guess thank you, Jax, for sticking it in Faith because without that our Monday's would be very boring!
Do you agree with our ranking? Sound off in the comments below!
Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the sexiest SURvers in LA!