RHOA Recap: Bionic Barbie

February 19, 2018

This season hasn't been the best but this episode was giving me everything I needed. All you have to do is take these ladies out of their natural habit and they will deliver! The ladies have finally touched down in Barcelona and there are are eight of them, which doesn’t even include Kenya and Kim back in Atlanta. I think Atlanta is the only franchise that has so many extra women who just tag along. Ever since The Cheetah Girls visited Barcelona it’s been on my bucket list so I'm just gonna live vicariously through these ATL ladies while they run across the Spanish city.

 

As soon as they loaded onto the airport shuttle the shade had already began. Because Cynthia "planned" the trip she allegedly made her own bucket list for everybody in the group to perform. Mmm, I wonder which producer handed her that oversized list. One of the challenges was swapping personalities with some else and everybody was trying to be Kandi, who NeNe did an amazingly dry impression of. Out of nowhere Marlo started coming for Miss Burruss about teaching her etiquette but Kandi was quick to remind us of Marlo's very obvious lack of etiquette which was supported through MANY shady flashbacks. I love me some Marlo but the only thing she can teach is how to get many off rich white men.

 

Shamea started asking where Kenya and Kim were to try and instigate a conversation which was so transparent. Do you mean to tell me that she sat on a plane for 10 hours and didn't ask where the two excluded housewives were or are you just trying to be relevant? Sit down boo. The mention of Wig's name lit a fire up in Miss Leakes' belly and she slammed her weird marriage with Kroy who needs to literally drive her everywhere and wait out in the car. NeNe also started talking about all Kim's "health issues" that range from cancer, thyroid, a stroke, open heart surgery, blood clots and how the bitch still manages to live to tell the tale. She even called her bionic barbie which TOOK ME OUT. NeNe is on FIRE at the moment, this is why she is a fucking all star. Now Wig has said that she's had all these issues so it's not like NeNe is lying and that season 1 reunion cancer situation gave me life. I just realised that after 10 years and her own spinoff, we still don't know why she wears those wigs.

 

After their messy bus ride concluded the divas went to have some lunch and talk trash up in a beautiful penthouse. Kandi announced that NeNe would be joining her on the Xscape tour to perform her comedy routine and she thinks that it will strength their relationship. HA! We all know that NeNe and her little rape joke get her fired from the tour, but I'm here for a NeNe & Kandi friendship. WE. SEE. EACH. OTHER. All of a sudden Shamea comes out of nowhere and calls Eva lesbian, asking if she dated Missy Elliot. Who is this bitch and where did she come from? Shamea needs to take several seats and stop trying to be relevant because Eva got her lumpy ass booty all the way together. What blogs has Shamea been subscribing to? Shamea is so peach thirsty and it's too obvious. Who even invited her on this trip?

 

Of course it didn't take long for the girls to start talking about all the Will drama, which I'm already over. I didn't care about Cynthia's relationship drama when she was married, so why should I care about it when she's only casually dating this guy? She needs a "boyfriend" to film with on the show and Will is willing to do it. Enough said. 50 Cynt made the stupid decision to say that she still believes that Will is telling the truth and said her and Porsha "are still getting to know each other."

 

Really Cynthia? You're using that line again? You've known Porsha and her lopsided booty for six years at this point and you're still getting to know her? Maybe she needs to work on her interpersonal skills. She also reminded us that Porsha used to give her false tea about Peter's cheating ways which she later admitted to make up just to have something to say, so yes if I was Cynthia Bailey, I wouldn't believe what she was saying either. This is the same woman who ran across Atlanta saying that Kandi tried to drug and rape her in her sex dungeon. Seriously, read that sentence back and you'll see what I mean. 

 

After their lunch all eight ladies got back in their bus, talked about balls, and arrived at a church but couldn't go in because it was closed. Good job Miss Bailey on your time management skills! Shamea "the dancer" knocked off her bucket list challenge and started dancing in front of the damn church and the former stripper in NeNe did not agree with her bad dance moves. Who invited her on this trip because she is not doing anything for me. Send the bitch home! 

 

Finally the girls arrived at their Villa and it was not up to the standard of their usual accomodation. I wanted some house porn to watch, not this sad condo looking place. I don't know if the budget was low or what, but those Beverly Hills bitches travel in luxury so we can't these girls? Don't make me place the race card Bravo! The villas Airbnb reviews must have gone down after tonight's episode. In true Housewives fashion there was a race for the rooms and everybody was running around like whores in church trying to get the best bed. I know the general population of Bravo viewers are over all these petty room wars but I love a good throw down for the best accommodation, especially with these Atlanta chicks. 

 

Kandi chose the best room and NeNe got jealous because she believed the "mature girls" should get the top floor rooms but Kandi wasn't moving and pointed out how NeNe NEVER wants to talk about her age until it suits her but Miss Leakes said she doesn't talk about age which prompted Bravo to give us a shady throwback of NeNe talking about age ONE MINUTES EARLIER. Those producers are so shady. Honestly why should NeNe get the best room? Kandi picked it out and Cynthia "planned" the trip, so if anyone should steal it, it should be her but 50 Cynt and her wig are too nice. Suddenly Marlo started coming for Kandi's life again and got shut all the way down. I am getting serious season 4 vibes from these two feuding. 

 

Speaking of season 4 vibes, Sheree, Porsha and Shamea decided to call Wig about their trip and things got messy! I don't know if Porsha was playing dumb or she just is dumb but she started congratulating Kim on being a cancer survivor. HA! Did she not watch season one? Wig was confused as fuck so the three girls had to explain NeNe's comments about her health which set Kim and her Wig ALL THE WAY OFF! The bitch started bringing up the roaches in NeNe's house which have nothing to do with anything but it was the only thing that she had on the OG at this point. This scene where Sheree carried there bone back to Kim gave be serious flashback vibes to when they were in South Africa and Sheree started BlackBabyGate. Sheree needs to keep her bones to herself and not give them back to others unless she's on US soil. 

 

After their massive day, the divas decided to end it with a casual dinner and Marlo even invited Miss USA and Wig to the dinner but having a crown to represent Kenya and a trashy blonde wig to represent Kim. Marlo is sooo messy and I love it, how does she not have a peach? Someone get her ass an apricot or something because she deserves any kind of stone fruit at this point. NeNe got super drunk and started going off about the old comments even though she was the one who started it by calling herself mature. I don't know if her wig is pushing too tight on her brain but NeNe was acting weird as fuck at this dinner.

 

Suddenly Kim and her wig texted everyone in a group text calling NeNe disgusting, saying she lied about the handicapped car spot and came for her roach infested house, even including the video of Brielle filming the roaching in the toilet. Why was she in the corner taking videos of bugs anyway and what do roaches have to do with NeNe coming for Kim's "health issues?" It didn't take NeNe long to clap all the way back calling Kim and her daughter disgusting, saying she had worms up her ass, that she spreads her legs for married men and a woman (HA!) and that she's a disgusting bald bitch. This is literally a list of why I love Linnethia Leakes. She also set the record straight and said that Kim lied about not seeing her at the mall, even though she took a photo of her car in a handicapped spot. Why are we still talking about this goddamn handicapped spot? NeNe KNOWS how to throw shade and it was amazing. I love a good NeNe vs Kim feud and it's taking me back to vintage RHOA. Obviously these two aren't supposed to be friends which suits me VERY well! Bring on the reunion because I am ready for some wigs to be pulled.

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches. 

 

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