The drama this season has consisted of tiny, minutiae issues that have been turned into enormous beefs due to the shady telephone games and behind the scenes conversations that we aren't seeing. Season 8 hasn't delivered at all but this episode did provide us with drama, so I'll take all the crumbs I can get. The only people that mattered in this episode were Lisa Vanderpump, Kyle and Dorito, which was annoying as fuck because I am a proud supporter of the Lisa Rinna and Erika Jayne united alliance.
Dorito was running around her house in a sports hat with trackpants, trying her best to replicate Kylie Jenner. Why does a woman who's over 40 want to dress up like a young THOT for the world to see. I am obviously over this reality star-casual look. Wig also gifted PK with a 3D replica doll of her with their two children, which was oddly scary and fascinating at the same time. PK dropped the doll and the daughter's head came rolling off and I wanted nothing more than to be that headless doll so that I didn't have to sit through this boring scene.
Kyle and Teddi shopped for workout gear and talked about Dorit's behaviour at PK's party the night before. This scene didn't add anything to the show, well maybe it did because I stopped listening to anything coming out of their mouths when I realised that they were in the shop that Lisa Rinna delivered her iconic allegations about Kim Richard's being close to death in last year. Why can't we have that Lisa Rinna back? Those were the days!
LVP's dog lawsuit was dropped and she headed out to dinner with Kyle and Dorit to share the news, who were both 30 minutes late. Lisa Vanderpump triumphantly shared the news before Kyle changed the subject to Dorit getting mad at her the previous night for butting in on her conversation with Teddi. Well, LVP also butted in on the convo but Dorito seemed to keep ignoring that important fact. Dorito doesn't care that Kyle was butting in, she cares that she was standing up for the new girl in the group and not her. Siggy Flicker, is that you? At one point Dorito even told Kyle that it seemed like she didn't have a side, like it was a bad thing. I completely understood what Kyle was saying and it kept pissing me off that the other two botoxed women didn't see it too. Kyle was only adding her opinion like LVP was, that's it, I don't understand how this became such a storyline.
Kyle was done with the conversation when she started crying and claiming that she thought that LVP and Dorito had organised to come at her together, Dorito comforted her while Lisa Vanderpump left that restaurant in a blaze of glory and sped off in her car. The other two thought that she was jealous of their friendship but that's not what's going on here. By now we all know that LVP has a shady track record when it comes to people claiming that she is a master manipulator behind the scenes. As soon as LVP heard Kyle say that she thought they were organising an ambush, that was when the switch flicked in her brain and made her leave in a puff of smoke because she didn't want to deal with hearing another girl talk about her shady self producing tricks. This is where reality show friendships aren't like real friendships, because there is always an unspoken agreement about what to say on camera - especially on this show.
After LVP ran home to Ken and refused to have sex with him, Kyle and Dorito stayed at the restaurant and shat on LVP even more. Dorito started talking too much about LVP's upbringing which caused Kyle to feel jealous that LVP shared more with Dorito then she had with her. Ugh! Why are they all so jealous of each other, can't they all be friends? Also how did this dinner start with LVP & Dorito together and end with Kyle & Dorito together? How is Dorito always with someone? How is Dorito still on the show? How has Dorito not changed her name already so that shady bloggers like me no longer call her Dorito?
Lisa Fucking Rinna is returning to Days of Our Lives and this hustler is busy. Soap acting is the hardest job you can do. You film an episode a day and have to remember all your lines just so middle aged housewives, gays and the couple of people that are still conscious at the nursing home can get their daily dose of entertainment. Rinna's character Billie is an ex drug addict stripper turned FBI Agent which goes to show that if you believe in yourself you can do anything - if you live in a a soap opera. Because of her DOOL commitment Rinna couldn't go down to Teddi's beach house which made me even less excited to keep watching this episode. I'm more tired than LVP's dirty sex jokes!
So Malibu Barbie AKA Teddi Mellencamp invited the ladies down to her casual beach house down in Orange County. She was overly anxious about it not being nice for the other housewives but why is this bitch pretending to be poor? She lives in a Beverly Hills mansion and just happens to have a beach house in a gated community IN Orange County, she can't be that poor. Maybe I should look into the accountability coaching career path.
Two by two the girls arrived and Dorito brought a whole bunch of food with her, sadly they weren't Doritos. Sad face. LVP brought up their beef and Kyle and Dorit both agreed that they thought she was mad because the attention wasn't focused on her and LVP basically admitted that she cares about Dorito more than she cares about Kyle, which is kind of shitty but let's be real, Kyle and LVP haven't really been friends since Brandi exposed Lisa for trying to bring the magazines about Maurcio's infidelity with her to Palm Springs all the way back in season 4. They may have laughed and had fun, but the relationship hasn't been real since then. Later that night both OG's apologised to each other and somehow Dorito was exempt from the issue all together even though she was the reason for the original beef. How did she squeeze her way out of that?
Ultimately Erika Jayne summed up this whole season perfectly when she said: "we're petty!" She also broke down the entire three-way feud between LVP, Kyle and Dorito by establishing that they are just three competitive bitches. Never have truer words been spoken!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these 90210 ladies.