I love the set and the outfits of this reunion, which you can read more about in our fashion roundup, but the content of this episode wasn't that great. Compared to past Jersey reunions it was good but nothing got resolved and the fights were pretty stale.
Andy reminded everyone how Jacqueline had left which Tre was only sad about because she wanted to let Danielle attack her this season. Well that's nice. Andy went through his awkward hellos and caught up with all the ladies. Marge isn't wearing pigtails, Melissa's dress is from Envy, Siggy still does her son's laundry, Dolores' son has a new girlfriend and Tre wants to make out with Andy. Teresa was giving that weird diva attitude to Andy who confirmed that she's a good kisser. This is just weird.
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He jumped right into Tre and Melissa's bickering dynamic where they established that Teresa says more stupid shit than her sister-in-law does. That's not news we already knew about Tre's dumb comments. Melissa also didn't want Joe to open the restaurant which isn't news either, we watched the show. Dolores added her two cents on the situation and said Teresa and Melissa will never fight again because if they can get through a petty restaurant feud then they can get through anything. How sad is it that five years ago it would have been all out war over working at a restaurant?
Next up was Margaret. The pigtailed newbie confirmed that her kids haven't reached out since the show aired but that they have been watching. Andy also brought up that Betsey Johnson tweeted about wearing pigtails, is it just me or did you guys have to google who she was as well? It didn't take long for Siggy and Margaret's beef to ignite when The Sig said that her foe's apologies don't last. Well that's fake news. I thought Siggy was the one that wasn't over it even after they made up. I'm confused. The producers gave the two girls a split screen which is how you know that it's serious.
Andy also asked about Margaret's reaction to Siggy talking about her son's girlfriend's vagina, which I think we can agree is a uncomfortable if you are the girlfriend. Suddenly Siggy clapped back coming at Margaret's vagina and her pot puss marinating technique. Has it really gotten to the point where we are fighting about pussies? This is very Atlanta if you ask me. Like clock work, Melissa Gorga's phone started vibrating and coincidentally it just happened to be RHONY's very own Ramona Singer! This all screams like a very bad set up. Andy had to act all mad at get his "daddy" voice on when you could tell he was orgasming at the thought that Ramona would create another Housewives reunion first along with walking off and sleeping.
After the weird Singer Stinger debacle the conversation moved over to Teresa who lied about banning Melissa from visiting her in prison at the last reunion but then admitted it in her book. Tre is such a bad liar. She also gave really vague and practiced responses about Joe being deported and said that Italy would be great to live in. Is she kidding? We all saw the divorce lawyer photo. Then Andy asked about Joe being abusive on the phone which Teresa denied and used her table flip as a defence for not taking shit, but she let her husband call her a cunt on national television so I think there is definitely some shit that she's taken.
The Soggy Flicker scandal was next on the agenda which everyone including Teresa admitted wasn't a big deal. Siggy is still mad about the memorial that Marge planned and then started bringing up how she attacked her uterus. What the fuck? How did she even get there. Margaret makes comments in passing and Siggy gets fired up over things that weren't even mean. Margaret could say "I saw Siggy riding a bike yesterday" and she would reply with "Margaret took jabs at my bike riding skills and I'm going to destroy her and everything she loves." It's just too far. Somehow Siggy and Margaret's foyers were brought up and I guess there is a dead bear in Marge's foyer? I don't know what happened but how did this fight come down to foyers and Elmer Fudd? This is beyond stupid, even by New Jersey standards.
Danielle joined the ladies and Dolores' first words were basically "I hate you but you look good." This is why I love Miss Catania. Andy didn't waste any time to bring up Tre pushing him at the season two reunion because of Danielle & Melissa's shady Facebook messages but everyone took responsibility for that. Melissa even said that she never saw why everyone hated Danielle back in the day. I can think of a few reasons. Apparently Danielle's kids got bullied so bad that a kid pulled down his pants and wanted a blowjob from her daughters #TimesUp. Andy also asked Danielle about the bathroom sex scene that they edited out and she said that she asked Teresa if she could have sex in there. Who the fuck does that? That's a sick fuck right there and Siggy and Dolores made sure to let her know how disgusting she is.
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Next CakeGate was brought up and Melissa admitted that they could understand why Siggy was mad about the cake but that they were pissed about the name calling. Siggy said that all the girls should excuse her behaviour because they know her and they're her friends but why couldn't she do that about the cake? I like Siggy but she is coming off as a massive hypocrite after this reunion. Apparently Marge asking if Michael Campanella was controlling was a jab. Ugh. Siggy also confirmed that she makes up her own IQ number to be funny and Marge said that she should be on The Real Housewives of Bellevue. I don't know what happens in Bellevue but I don't think that it's residents will be too happy with Margaret Josephs.
In the grand scheme of Housewives fights this is about as minimal as it gets. Look at Vicki & Tamra and NeNe & Kim's monumental feuds and these girls are fighting over name calling and cake.
Finally Kim D rocked up with an envelope in her hand (which you can read about here) and Teresa came out with an obviously rehearsed read calling Kim D's dress Tales From The Crypt. I don't even think that Teresa knows what that means but just repeated what her quick thinking producer told her to say. Andy told her not to get off the couch but she did indeed get off the couch.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.