After Brittany heard the voice recording of Jax & Faith's affair, the drunken southern sweetheart played it on the speaker for the entire party to hear and then burst into tears. This may seem like a crazy night for you regular folks, but for the SURvers, this is just a Wednesday. When the girls heard the recording they all came together and came up with a girls run the world mentality. Finally, they've stopped fighting with each other and taken on the real enemy - the men in their lives.
In the infamous recording Jax apparently said that he doesn't find Brittany attractive anymore, he doesn't want to have kids or marry her and that they haven't had sex in months. How the fuck do you move on from that? This asshole fucked your friend and then talked shit about you to her and you STILL won't break up with him? I know Brittany loves him but Jax is asking to be broken up with at this point. I don't think he has the balls to actually end it, so he's doing everything he can to try and get her to break up with him. Ugh he makes me so mad. Over in the Maloney-Schwartz apartment, the men were all brooding over how Ariana and Lala shouldn't have showed Brittany when she was drunk. WHO CARES?! Maybe Jax shouldn't have said disgusting things about his girlfriend and there would be no reason to even have this conversation.
For some reason Sandoval felt the need to yell at his girlfriend for showing Brittany the recording which is the dumbest fight ever. Obviously he is just mad at about their sexless relationship and is taking his anger out in other ways. I'm waiting for his cheating scandal to come out because he's basically the only guy left on the show that hasn't put his tongue in a different girl's mouth - this season.
After the epic housewarming party, James carried the tea back to LVP who was orgasming at the thought of how high her ratings would go. DJ James Kennedy is also taking over every second Tuesday at Sur and called the event "See You Next Tuesday." I think James is a gross human being but that is a smart name, good job White Kanye! He also confirmed that he got the recording off Faith's phone, so I guess we can thank him for most of the drama in this episode.
The morning after also consisted of Jax and Sandoval yelling at their girlfriends when they themselves were in the wrong. This show is making me lose faith in the male species at this point. Jax was literally yelling at Brittany for broadcasting their drama in front of the entire party. Could he be more for a CUNT?! Someone so disgusting and gross doesn't deserve privacy or kindness because he doesn't give it to anyone else. Can we please vote that inflated thumb off the show? Jax also told her to take responsibility for her actions which made me laugh out loud. Sandoval was still made at Ariana for showing Brittany the recording. Ugh these men are the worst.
Everyone is still pretending to work at Sur and now there is a transgender girl who was telling Lala her story, are we supposed to care? I didn't pay any attention to their conversation but I guess she's going to be on the show now. At least we finally have an LGBT character on this show beside the two Toms. DJ James Kennedy, Lala and Sandoval all recorded new music and Tom played his trumpet like he was strangling cats but I can't be bothered writing a whole new paragraph about that filler scene.
Stassi's grown up boyfriend Patrick was back for a double date with the Maloney-Schwartz's and I still don't like him. The gang were telling him about their problems lately and you can tell that him and his man bun think they are stupid and immature, which they are, but that's what makes them so great. It's like watching a bunch of horny toddlers in adults bodies. I can't believe Stassi chased Patrick for so long because he's really not that impressive. Also, why were Kristen and Carter not at this dinner? I feel like they are slowly taking Kristen off the show and that is not acceptable. She needs to get engaged to try and save her place on the show.
CUNT Night was finally in progress and it was a raging success. The whole gang turned up and had a good time while Scheana and Katie pretended to still work there. For some reason Jax decided that his swollen head needed even more camera time, so he came along to taunt Brittany in her work place. Grandma Vanderpump arrived to get the gossip out of the group but pretend like she doesn't care about it at the same time. I know what game you're playing LVP or LVC as Brandi calls her, figure it out! At the party Scheana was annoyed about the cheating rumours, when though she laughed them off in the last episode, she confronted Katie and the two SURvers agreed to stay in their own lane when it comes to relationships.
After their pow wow Scheana continued to walk around Sur complaining about how "everyone" was talking about Rob's cheating rumour even though she was literally the only person that mentioned it and wouldn't stop talking about. With all the audio recording drama, I forgot that Rob even cheated until Scheana had to bring it back up. She went over to the waitress that first heard the gossip and told her that Rob kissed a girl that he used to date. Scheana said that Rob only kissed her on the cheek and that it probably looked different. Wasn't her story different last episode? Scheana is the worst. I just really don't think that Rob give two fucks about their "relationship."
Before CUNT Night was over, LVP basically told Brittany to break up with Jax like Stassi and Katie did in the previous scene. How is this southern girl not getting the memo? Wake the fuck and smell the roses because your boyfriend is a cunt! Actually he's worse then a cunt but I just can't think of what that would be. Brittany didn't listen and her and Jax agreed to stay together. I just don't understand how she could be with him when he cheated on her, lied about it, said disgusting things about her, got mad at her for showing other people the disgusting things he said and has an overall cunty attitude, but she's digging her own grave!
Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the sexiest SURvers in LA!