We have finally come to the end of the season which has felt like a really long time coming, even though it's only been thirteen episodes. This season had it's moments but due to Christmas break it felt weird getting back into the Jersey spirit.
While outlet shopping for a prom tux with her son, Siggy pulled her usual overbearing, Jewish mother schtick which never gets old, well for Joshua it probably does. While he tried to buy a flask for "water", the teen told his mom about his choice to go to Penn State which Siggy had already bought all the memorabilia for. Thank god he chose Penn State just for that reason alone. Later on Joshua's date arrived to go to prom and you can tell that she's no fan of Siggy's but everyone smiled, took the photos and went on with their day. I don't see Joshua and Demi making it past graduation but Mazel Tov for the young couple!
It's Teresa's birthday, so her brother told her kids to pull their heads out of their spoiled asses and stop acting like the annoying brats that we've been watching all season. The whole Gorga family surprised Tre with nice cards and a zebra cake that Melissa gave her which Teresa later shit talked in her memoir. That's right, I read. What is it with these two and desserts?
Tre asked her girls who wanted to visit their dad in prison and two of them couldn't because they had soccer and cheer. These girls haven't seen their dad in 8 months and they're prioritising their extracurricular activities over seeing their jailbird father? They must really give zero fucks about him because they schlepped to Connietcut every week when Teresa was locked up but they can't ditch a soccer match to see their dad who's in the same state? Shady, shady boots!
That weekend Teresa, Milana and Audriana (the only ones willing to go) headed over to the prison. I think that the family is so much happier with Joe locked up. Teresa let's them do whatever they want, Joe's not there drinking all the time and their mom's new side piece is probably super nice to them! I see you Kim D. Of course the Bravo cameras weren't allowed inside the prison but Teresa admitted in her confessionals after that she didn't have the courage to ask for the apology she's been bitching about all season.
While Teresa was in visitation, Dolores took her Frank's out to a bowling alley, to the disappointment of Frank Sr who thought they were headed to a strip club. One track mind on that man. The whole Catania family was getting along (where's the daughter?) and it looks like Frank Sr will be staying around until after Frankie goes to college and after the filming is done. Wow for two exes to be willing to live together in a house with no kids is a little strange but if that's what they want... go for it? It also looks like Dolores' relationship with her doctor boo may not work out so we might see these two rekindling their old flame. Dolores is the guiding light of this franchise, so she can do whatever the fuck she wants and I'm down for it.
Melissa and Joe Gorga went to a psychedelic furniture shop near Time's Square to buy a gift for Margaret's party because she was registered there. Is that a thing? I thought you only registered for weddings and baby showers not over the hill birthday parties. The couple talked about how Tre will probably divorce Juicy Joe before the jailbird bounded in and confessed that her husband apologised when she visited him. What the fuck? Didn't Tre just say in her confessionals that she didn't have the courage to bring up that subject? I am beyond confused at this point but I don't care because this season is nearly over and I no longer have to think about the illogical goings on in Teresa Giudice's brain.
Finally Margaret was prepping her under construction house for her Studio 54 birthday party. Who doesn't love a Studio 54 party? I mean it's been a recurring theme in almost every franchise of the Real Housewives. Marge's maid Marlani bounced around singing proving she was more extra than Marge Sr. Who knew that Margaret had a maid? Where's she's been hiding this lady? Margaret's house still looks the same as it did at the start of the season but her party planner came in and made her living room look like Studio 54. Well as much as you can when you live in New Jersey. The walls were lined with photos of Margaret and if that doesn't scream extra, I don't know what does.
The ladies arrived and Danielle was hearing this hideous metallic jumpsuit while Dolores looked like a black woman. That black wig with her dark spray tan gave me some serious Diana Ross vibes. I hope the show doesn't get attacked by the NAAPC for blackface. For some odd reason, Margaret needed to ride a fake horse to the stage to give her speech which didn't make any sense but all the girls pretended to like it. Marge cried about her blessed life before the entire conversation turned to Siggy Flicker.
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The resident Jew fell down the stairs and her house and was admitted to the emergency room. Word quickly spread around the party and Danielle needed to add her negative two cents which Dolores shut down by calling her a slob. Umm, remind me again why I love her so much. Siggy managed to create drama and she wasn't even there.
Finally after Bravo provided us with receipts of her actually falling down the stairs, Siggy arrived in a sling and slippers. This girl knows how to make an entrance. The topic of Siggy potentially faking her fall came up and prompted Siggy to tell Margaret she doesn't want to be friends and that she was only at the party because she likes Teresa and Melissa. Wow. That was an epic bitch move. Siggy said she couldn't be phony about it, but there is being phony and being down right rude. Obviously the pellets aren't working. Even though it was rude, it was by far my favourite part of the episode or maybe the season because Siggy gave zero fucks about hurting someone's feelings at their own party.
Dolores and Teresa fled the party with Siggy and left Margaret pissed that Tre's allegiance laid with Siggy after she had just been a bitch to her at her own party. Within five minutes Siggy came in, caused a scene, and fled. Now that is a record even for Siggy! As her car sped away the final cards played and updated us on the Jersey girls lives. Joe moved prisons but Tre doesn't have visitation, Siggy and Dolores are constantly visiting their sons at college, Melissa still owns Envy and Margaret's house still isn't complete - so basically nothing's changed!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.
Photo Credit: Bravo