Shade of the Week: Tom Schwartz

January 3, 2018

At this rate, I think I will have shaded all the men of Vanderpump Rules by the time that this season is over! This week we found out that Tom Schwartz possibly-maybe made out with another woman that isn't his wife. Fucking really? Is it that hard to keep your tongue in your own mouth? In his defence he claimed to be shitfaced which is probably true but does it make it better?

 

I don't believe that Schwartz shares the same cunt gene that Jax has and wouldn't consciously cheat on Katie. I just think subconsciously makes out with other girls because he still has an undeveloped brain. I actually like Tom's enduring charms and think that he is the group's less annoying Chandler Bing, but he frustrates the fuck outta me sometimes. At times it seems like it's impossible for him to string a sentence together or even be serious for more than 3.2 seconds.

 

For example, his wife was going off the handle about his latest cheating rumours and he laughed and said "talk to me dude." I'm pretty sure calling the women you are married to dude when she is angry probably isn't the best way to defuse the situation. Tom is like a five-year-old in a thirty something's body and it bothers the hell out of me, it's cute to watch but imagine living in holy matrimony with that. 


By all accounts TomKat are still together which doesn't surprise me. Katie will always stick by her man and blame the thirsty girl that was willing to air her shady story on a reality tv show. To quote Countess Luann, I don't think like that they would let a kiss ruin their marriage but I don't know if they will last as a couple, just based on the very transparent fact that Katie is pretending like their relationship has been amazing since they got married which she has has to make herself say with a forced smile. 


Don't get me wrong I would love to see those two crazy SURvers raising a whole brood of kids in the Midwest while Tom barbecues steaks with his man bod, but I just don't know if it's going to happen. Katie needs to surgically remove the stick from her ass and Tom needs to grow the fuck up, stop getting shitfaced and putting his mouth on other women who aren't his wife. If they can do that then maybe they have a shot at the suburban dream. 

 

What do you think of Tom Schwartz? Sound off in the comments! 

 

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