The Jersey girls are finally in Milan and it's everything I dreamed of and more. Following standard housewives protocol, we saw the girls packing for the trip while venting to their husbands about the constant drama in their group. Following the POSCHE fashion show, the tension was as thick as Kim Kardashian's booty, which only meant that sparks would fly on their Italian vacation.
Immediately after the girls touched down, they checked in to the hotel and all grabbed random room keys. This is very anti RHONY because at this part of their trip, those girls would have been knee deep in some messy room wars. After the rooms were settled they split off into pairs to explore Milan and optimise the advertising that is always required on one of these Bravo paid trips.
Siggy and Dolores went shopping, Danielle and Teresa got food and Melissa and Margaret explored their showroom options. But one common denominator stayed true, they all bitched about each other. At this point Teresa, Melissa, Danielle and Margaret are all pretty much against Siggy and Dolores who they believe should have stood up for them in front of Kim D. The self proclaimed super jew of the group was still beyond offended that Marge would even say Hitler's name around at that dinner a few weeks ago. This is the perfect recipe for a Jersey explosion.
After a day of running around being typical American tourists, the girls loaded back onto their bus and headed out to dinner at a fancy restaurant that Melissa (production) hand picked. Everything started off okay with Danielle teaching the girls how to give a rainbow. Are you telling me this woman isn't a Prostitution Whore? Teresa also poured wax on Siggy which really turned her on, so I guess those pellets worked. Everybody was getting along - for about five minutes before Siggy brought up the big, chain smoking, boutique owning elephant in the room - Kim D.
Siggy said that she was a good friend to Teresa and DID stand up to Kim D about the rumours (which we saw on camera) and then somehow she turned the conversation around onto them not defending her against Margaret. Nice pivot Soggy, well played. Just like a ton of bricks, Siggy spilled her anger over the Hitler comment which didn't phase anyone as more than a bad analogy, but Siggy wasn't letting down. Everybody started to standup as well, which was a sign or what was to come. Miss Super Jew called Margaret an anti-Semite which lit a fire in the pigtailed woman. My jaw literally dropped. This is gooooddd TV.
Marge (who's kids are Jewish) started yelling at Siggy but she just kept firing back and told Melissa to "tell the bitch to sit down." I was GAGGING when she said that. Siggy is completely in the wrong but I was loving every second of it. This is what the real housewives is all about. The Marge was literally, physically shaking when Siggy kept dismissing her and Danielle, which triggered the former prostitution whore to throw glasses all over the restaurant, which was an obvious play to try her secure her spot for next season - and it worked. Wine throws and shouting is what I live for! Even after the girls were thrown out of the restaurant Siggy still didn't stop yelling. And this was only the first night. What. The. Fuck.
Who doesn't love an international housewives fight, these ladies always seem to be more fiery when they leave the American borders.
The next morning everybody woke up, ready to go on the canal tour that Melissa Gorga organised. All the girls kept saying her full name through the episode which was weird because she's the only Melissa. Siggy and Danielle decided not to join the group and stayed in the hotel all day while the others roamed the streets of Milan.
My favourite part of the episode was when The Sig channelled her inner mob leader and called Danielle in a deep, serious voice to organise a meet up on the terrace. It was like she was putting a hit out on someone, but Danielle would know a lot about that *cough* Miami cartel *cough*. Siggy arrived at the terrace in her bathrobe (yas) and apologised for dismissing Danielle, which admittedly is her trigger, which got backed up by flashbacks. After they somewhat made up, The Sig tried to explain her beef with Margaret but Staub wouldn't let down. I guess she finally has some friends and she is sticking by them.
Down by the canal the girls were going on a walking tour, which is dumb because I thought they were going on a fun gondola or something. It suited Teresa because she was flirting up a storm with the young Italian tour guide. Tre, that is the PERFECT hookup because he's in the Italy and probably has no idea who you are! Just don't let one of your nosy producers find out.
After their boring tour, the ladies sat down to eat Italian style when Siggy's comments were brought up. Dolores admitted that she doesn't think Margaret is anti-semitic but she is just Anti-Siggy. Let's add that to the list of the epic one liners made from Siggy Flicker's name this season. Margaret and Dolores are both friends with the other's enemy which means that they will never see eye to eye. After some back and forth, Teresa confused vinegar with water in the oil analogy and their meal was done.
Back at the hotel Siggy was still in her bathrobe and on the phone to Michael Campanella who basically told her to quit the show and come back home to Jersey. Could Siggy leave the trip early?! Well, obviously not because she's in next week's teaser, but love Soggy or hate Soggy, she is providing the show with material and I am SO grateful.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.