Every real housewives fan knows that the POSCHE fashion show is always the biggest event of the season. We haven't had a major brawl occur for a couple of years but tonights episode threw us all the way back to 2011.
Siggy and Dolores turned to up the big event ready to get their makeup down when Kim D burst into the room with ecstasy (the feeling, but who knows, maybe the drug as well) and was ready to spill her faux tea when she saw the cameras rolling. Siggy told her about the explosive dinner the night before and let her know that all the girls hate her, which made Kim continue to spread her Teresa propaganda. Apparently Kim's shady hair dresser was at a club and saw Tre hugging a guy. Does that mean she's rekindling old flames?
Meanwhile the Charlie Angels + one, were getting their hair and makeup done so that they could crash the infamous event. These Jersey girls went all the way out, Margaret even used rollers and then pigtailed her hair. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of pigtails? The girls rolled up in their SUV and were ready to give Kim D the old Italian shakedown. It felt like I was watching The Sopranos or something.
Teresa was the first to walk in the room and it was game on. Tre confronted Kim over the cheating rumours and The D literally said that she makes up the rumours because she feels like it. At least she's honest. Suddenly everyone just started calling each other trash, dirty bitches and any other mean adjective they could find. This was premium trash talking time. Kim D obviously couldn't resist the temptation to bring up Teresa's jailbird past and that was when Margaret started screaming like a banshee. Good on you pigtails!
Somehow in the five minute fight, Tre found the time to spell out what POSCHE really stands for: Piece Of Shit Coke-whore Homewrecker Everyday. Damn, that was an iconic line that will go down in housewives history, but it makes me sad because it was obviously fed to Tre by a quick thinking producer. Tensions started to rise and Kim D left before she got her weave pulled which caused Teresa to flip a chair. What is her vendetta with furniture? First she's flipping tables and now chairs? Kim started threatening to call the cops if Teresa hit her, which probably would have been the only thing to make this fight more dramatic.
After the piece of shit coke-whore home wrecker left the room Tre started going in on Siggy and Dolores for continuing to walk in Kim's show. She was obviously pissed that her friends were allowing Kim to film with them and giving her a platform to spread her lies. Before I knew it Dolores and Melissa were in each others faces yelling and suddenly the Charlie's Angels + one walked out in a puff of smoke. Did they seriously get that dressed up just to shake someone down and leave after 10 minutes? At least they got a free drink out of it. Siggy and Dolores also strutted their stuff and walked in the show while the other girls went over to Marge's and bitched about the them.
The episode still had another 30 minutes but that POSCHE fashion show took me out. I had to spend the rest of the episode trying to get my jaw off the floor. To sum up, Siggy and Dolores had lunch with Frank Catania who told them they should have stood up Tre but the dynamic duo said that Sneaky Margaret and Crazy Danielle had kidnapped their friends and they couldn't speak to them.
Siggy took her ass over to Tre's house to apologise for not supporting her but insisted that they only stayed because they didn't want to let down the victim's families. I can relate because there would have been a room full of people that bought tickets to the shitty show just to see Siggy and Dolores walk in it. The Sig also spilled the tea that she is over Marge (again) because of her insensitive Hitler comment at dinner. Not to say I told you so, but I predicted that the newbie's historical remark would rub Siggy the wrong way. It probably wasn't the best example to use when talking to a Jew, Marge.
Joe Gorga invited a medium over who described herself as "a simple girl who's heard dead folks all my life." That sounds like a tagline to me! The medium connected with Joe and Tre's mother who "sensed" that one of Teresa daughters has spiritual powers which made them think of Milana's ability to see her dead grandma. She also had other facts like only their mother (or a nosy producer) would know. I'm not totally sold on mediums but I like the idea of it and she gave the Gorgas peace.
The final drop of tea that this episode delivered was Margaret and Marge Sr's double date. Priv came over and caked Marge Sr up with makeup and got her ready to slay on her date. Marge Sr told her younger date Steve that she cut sugar out of her life but her daughter let him know that she still swallows. THAT. TOOK. ME. OUT. I am giving Margaret extra points for that shady comment. The date ended with Marge Sr detailing her tattoo that she wants to get on her private parts which gives me hope that Steve and her may have a future. Marge Sr is a senior vixen and I am here for it everyday of the week!
NEXT WEEK: The girls head to Milan and have one the most explosive dinner's that I've ever seen on reality TV. Get ready bitches!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.