It isn't even December and we are already getting a Kardashian Kristmas special. Stop rushing me! I was let down because I thought this episode would feature their annual Kristmas kard but I had no such luck.
The whole theme of the episode was just about all the girls being competitive as fuck and not wanting anyone to copy their ideas. OMG who cares, people are dying! (Never forget that Bora Bora flashback.) Apparently Kourtney copied Kim's lights on string idea last year which provided major drama in the family. How stupid? The clan also visited a VERY expensive Christmas store, which they go to every year. Does that mean they get new decorations every year? That's not only a waste but it's just stupid. Isn't Christmas about getting the same, dusty decorations out of your attic every year?
Kris decided that it is too hard to go shopping anymore because she is SO famous, so Jonathan gave her the idea to go in disguise and they looked like the perfect red neck couple. While they were adjusting their wigs, Kim's design team "accidentally" sent their Christmas ideas over to Kris. Miss Momager read through the list and decided to get her own 24 hour ice skating rink to rival her daughters. See, competitive bitches. Kris told Khloe about her ice skating plan and she carried the bone back to Kim by telling her that her mom stole her idea but Kim confessed that she was never going an ice skating rink anyway. HA, the mess!
Kim, Kourt and their kids went over to the local food bank to help feed the homeless. That is super nice but why are they pretending to do a Christmas drive in the middle of November? I don't get it. This charity is on brand for Kim's recent awareness about homelessness is LA, so good for her!
The other major storyline of the episode, that also carried the competitive theme, was Khloe and Kris bake off. Khloe discovered that Kris' signature lemon cake was made "out of a box" and Khloe was left traumatised because she always believed that her mom made it from scratch. Nope. Look, as long as it tastes good who cares where it comes from. Khloe spent the time baking her desserts while Kris got her chef to help her make her boxed desserts. The mess. The judges were Kim, Kourtney, MJ (my favourite person in the world,) and Jonathan who somehow managed to weasel his way into the judging panel by being the Foodgod. Ugh.
After tasting the desserts the judges put on their Masterchef hats and established that Khloe's strawberry tart didn't make Kourtney horny and that Kris' brownies weren't up to their normal standard. It was finally the moment of truth and Khloe won the bake off, but the judges still wanted Kris to cook on Christmas Eve because of the nostalgia they get from her boxed foods. So Kris was the REAL winner in this bake off. See, boxed foods are just as good and some times better than when you make everything yourself.
The family had a meal to celebrate the holidays and to welcome MJ and Cousin CiCi to Calabasas, but it literally made no sense as to why they would eat holiday food so early. This is what you get for making a Kristmas special in mid-November. As they were eating the beautiful food that Kris' chefs had made, Kim decided that it was the perfect time to share that holiday foods make her nauseous. Kris also low-key hinted at multiple pregnancies by saying that she always wanted grandkids and now the faucet was off and wouldn't stop running. I see you Kris. Khloe and Kylie were wearing baggy clothes so there are definitely some buns in those ovens.
After their meal which was literally at 4pm, the family went into the backyard to see Jonathan dressed up as Santa. UGH, why is he in this show so much? He is a reason to stop watching. Kim played dumb for a while and pretended that she didn't know that it was her best friend covered in prosthetics. After Kim finally admitted it was Jonathan, Kris led the family over to her ice skating rink where Nancy Kerrigan was waiting. Isn't she the girl that got her knee caps busted at the Olympics? Everybody ended the special by paying thanks to their matriarch Kris Jenner and still leaving us to question how many Kardashian sisters are actually pregnant.
Keeping Up With The Kardashians airs Sunday at 9/8c on E! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first family of reality TV.