This weeks episode was one of my favourite episodes in Housewives history! It had everything from fights, comedy, vacations, drinking and even a dildo mission!
We started off on last weeks epic cliffhanger in the cave of drama. Cary continued to deny that she said Brandi's doctor had killed people and got pissed that the focus was on her after she tried to come for LeeAnne over her hands comment! Nothing got resolved at the dinner so Cary and Kameron decided to go back to their room and be boring, while Brandi, Stephanie, LeeAnne and D'Andra lived it up in Mexico! The tequila was flowing, the tables were danced on and the girls had a real fun night! I would rather be drunk with LeeAnne and Brandi than put facemarks on with a barbie doll any day of the week!
The next morning Steph and Brandi woke up laughing about last nights fun and planned to get their beloved dildo back. Kameron and Cary bitched about Brandi and Steph being "fake" with LeeAnne. I am definitely not here for #TeamCary&Kameron.
After everyone managed to put their makeup and fake tan back on, D'Andra made the girls participate in a team building task. Naturally all the people that hate each other were placed together which meant Brandi and Kameron went together, LeeAnne and Cary went together and Steph and D'Andra went together. The last pair doesn't have a problem with each other put I guess they were out of beef! The girls had to crawl under a net, run around, find one ball and throw it in a can. Cary made it clear that she wasn't a stranger to only one ball. Mmm, maybe she's talking about her Lance Armstrong days! LeeAnne's new titties are still setting in so those things were on fire! Next was volleyball and because of LeeAnne's handicapped boobs she automatically became the server and boy was she good! Go Locken!
After the girls were done playing sports they sat down for a cute brunch on the beach. I love a brunch! Brandi was still throwing shady digs at Kameron for being a prude and I loved it! Cary said she needed to wash the sand out of her vagina and everyone was waiting for Kameron to get offended I guess someone has double standards. It would be so boring to be Kameron. Every time I hear her dumb blonde voice my brain shuts down. It's too much.
At this point Brandi and Stephanie were still without Sexual Chocolate and needed to get him back so they hatched a plan to dress up as LeeAnne and D'Andra so they could search their room for their dildo. Yep, this stuff only happens in Dallas! You know what they say, everything's bigger in Dallas! Once the girls looked the part they went down to reception and scared the little man who had absolutely not idea who LeeAnne Locken was. After Brandi made fun of LeeAnne a bit more, they girls got the room key and ran upstairs in search of their big black friend. While Brandi rummaged through their room, Stephanie was finishing off LeeAnne's unfinished breakfast. I can relate, I would finish off that plate! Finally they found Mr Chocolate under LeeAnne's pillow and made a run for it. Mmm, maybe this is the Mr. Chocolate that Phaedra was talking to over in Atlanta.
Once the dildo was located the girls went on the boat ride from hell! All the girls managed to get along when Kameron tried to confront Brandi and Steph about being fake with LeeAnne. Brandi wanted to stay out the middle when it came to Cary and LeeAnne but D'Andra was still curious what Cary had said on the beach. Cary admitted that she said Rich had a small penis, but LeeAnne quickly busted that myth. Even though she said she wasn't going to be in the middle, Brandi then brought up what LeeAnne said about Mark at the Roundup. Cary denied the rumours, but I still think there is a grain of truth. LeeAnne did not give up the opportunity to pile the shade onto Mark and Cary in her confessions, this is why I am a proud Locken supporter.
Then mother nature got involved and put them in the middle of a massive storm. The boat was rocking back and forth and Steph was throwing up overboard. That's my girl. After the storm had settled down LeeAnne walked over to hear everyone bitching about her. She apologised for spreading the rumour but Cary continued to fake cry about the "effects" that it has. I seriously could not see one tear. After their beef seemed somewhat resolved, Stephanie wanted to see LeeAnne's knockers but LeeAnne didn't wanna show them off. Honestly the surgery was still fresh and the stitches were still in, so I don't think her boobs were at their best to be seen.
When LeeAnne wouldn't bring her boobs out, Brandi brought back Sexual Chocolate! She tried to provoke the prude Kameron again, who got off the boat and ranted about how disgusting Brandi is. Ugh. I am so sick of her thinking she is better than everyone just because she lives in Highland Park and doesn't play with dildos. Everyone left Brandi and Steph to laugh about their chocolate dildo on the boat. Next week the girls are back in Dallas and I am so sad! I'm gonna miss their fun Mexican vacay - but LeeAnne is throwing glasses so get ready!
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Monday at 10/9c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star women!